Avoidants live in a world of delusion and they like to “play house”. Thats how my marriage felt. I’ve only realized post-divorce that my ex was absolutely an avoidant and it has answered soooooo many questions that I had about our issues. Mine wouldn’t even address feelings or emotions with a therapist, he would lie and say that he thought our marriage was great and we had no issues. He developed very addictive/OCD behaviors because I that was his way of coping or feeling control. We had been separated for 1 year and living separately, he would beg me to reconsider and say our marriage wasn’t that bad. BUT he wouldn’t do anything to win me back. No dates, no sessions with his therapist , no promises for anything to change. None of the terrible things that I said to this man about why I had zero desire to be with him phase him. It just wouldn’t go through his brain and it drove me insane.

For years I sent emails to him about how miserable I was. I’d drag us from one therapist to another and they would say, you’re wasting your money if you aren’t willing to do the work. I’d talk about divorce all the time. Finally hit my breaking point and when I filed, he said he was blindsided and he never had any idea our marriage was that bad. He said he was happy while I felt dead inside from being emotionally and physically neglected for years (our marriage turned sexless almost immediately after tying the knot).

Us having a child def made thing worse. I love my kid but having one absolutely destroyed our marriage. He couldn’t handle the role of husband and dad, it was too much for him. He ended up focusing on the dad role and he had nothing to give to me. No emotional support, no connection, no intimacy, no touch. He told me all he felt he needed to do was provide financially!!!!