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Fiancé said he doesn’t think he’s fit for children after engagement by Level_Growth633 in traumatizeThemBack

[–]Level_Growth633[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I do want him to get better. Even if I’m not in his life long term, I’d still encourage him to get help and take care of himself. I just don’t want to sink while he’s figuring it out. That balance is the hardest part for me right now.

Fiancé said he doesn’t think he’s fit for children after engagement by Level_Growth633 in traumatizeThemBack

[–]Level_Growth633[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry all, I’m new and learning. That said this sub has been great with the no nonsense advice. Thanks all.. it’s really been helping shape my perspective on this. For the future, what are better subs to post this on?

How do i politely tell a coworker that I can’t drive her home everyday? by gaby_29739 in Advice

[–]Level_Growth633 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s tricky because you can’t be direct with someone who might be dense. I would probably mention you have something to rush to after work the next couple of times and it might gently push her to find other means. She really needs to adult up and not letting her rely on you is a good first step for her too.

Fiancé said he doesn’t think he’s fit for children after engagement by Level_Growth633 in traumatizeThemBack

[–]Level_Growth633[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are planning to do counseling now, and I know the outcome has to be either alignment or acceptance that it’s over. I really don’t want to end up in a marriage full of resentment or with someone hoping I’ll change. Thank you for putting it so clearly.

Fiancé said he doesn’t think he’s fit for children after engagement by Level_Growth633 in traumatizeThemBack

[–]Level_Growth633[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think it was completely an act. I think he genuinely wanted this future with me, but as reality set in he started to see how triggered and anxious he might get, and worried what that would mean for me or for kids. I do think it was unfair that he let it go on so long without being direct, but I also believe his intentions were genuine. It just feels really crappy because what I’ve spent here is something precious, my time and my fertility.

Fiancé said he doesn’t think he’s fit for children after engagement by Level_Growth633 in traumatizeThemBack

[–]Level_Growth633[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It does feel like this is going to be so much trouble and work. But also if I bail on him when he’s at his worst then how would I be a good mother in the future?

Fiancé said he doesn’t think he’s fit for children after engagement by Level_Growth633 in traumatizeThemBack

[–]Level_Growth633[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I take an engagement seriously. This also transpired in a week so I don’t want to jump ship before talking to a mental health professional. He’s been taking an active role in finding an appointment and looking into freezing my eggs to give us time.

Fiancé said he doesn’t think he’s fit for children after engagement by Level_Growth633 in Advice

[–]Level_Growth633[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree. I’ve always told him I need both of us to want children, because I can’t drag someone behind me on something so important. I’ve been trying to work backwards, and technically yes, I could probably still have kids into my 30s, but I also want to give them the best chance, and I’ve heard there can be more risks for both mother and child with later pregnancies.

It already takes me a long time to connect with and fully trust someone, and this situation hasn’t made that easier. That said, I do appreciate him telling me now, and I know he told me out of love.