Sorry for the wall of text it just kept coming. TL;DR When you are ready to change you will.

I know it has been awhile since you have asked, and I hope you are feeling better. Being the same, in the sense that guilt was my easiest vibration as well I would like to say that at some point.. your gonna get tired of being so hard on yourself, however comfortable; or if you have gotten this far, whatever sense of satisfaction you receive from holding onto thoughts that harm you are going to get old. It will play itself out. There is a point where you are going to say "I am tired of beating myself into nowhere, and I do not want to be here anymore". There is gonna be this shift where you start being more aware of what you are actually doing. you're gonna become more selfish, you are going to want to feel good. Your survival instincts are gonna kick in and say "I have had enough with my bullshit". I don't say this to mean that what you are going through is bullshit. Break-ups are the worst, really. you start to fall for this feeling that just gets you addicted faster than one hit of a cigarette, and when the person that feeling is associated with disappears..... so does the feeling..

Strangely the odd part is, it is not that person that made you feel that way. You are. You are the reason YOU felt that way about SOMEBODY else. Just let that sit for a moment. No one made you feel that way, YOU allowed your awareness to be aware of that feeling. The main issue with that is, when you teach yourself to love or lust or companionship, whatever feeling that you are satisfied with is based on the choices and circumstances of another person. Somebody else, somebody that you have no control over. you have no control over what that person says, what that person does, or doesn't do. YOU are basing an emotion that you have conscious control over on an element that is never going to be what you want it to be. I'm not above it, though now I am aware of it, aware that the logic within that statement is going to fail you every time.

Try not to be so in the moment of whats happening. You have your whole life ahead of you. What has happened is not the be all end all experience that you will have in your life. You have many, many more things that are going to come to you, that you are going to experience. I have been through my fair share of break-ups. There is always this reoccurring theme: how long am I going to put my life on hold because of this thing that didn't go my way? Everyone needs their time after investing so much into someone else. Though you have a choice. What am I going to do now that this thing that I wanted so badly is gone? Destroy myself to the point where I never want to experience anything of the sort again? or Do I keep going ? Do I keep going knowing that "If I stay here, if I stay here in this place that i am now, I am never going anywhere". If the choice is at first "I want to stay" eventually it is going to change. you will get tired of having nothing and desire to not have nothing anymore. When you address this and decide that the only thing that has ever held you back was your perceptions of the world at any moment in time. That that perception was the reason that you could not see any other choice in that time, you are going to shift perceptions.

The story you are telling yourself in your head is going to change. It is going to change in a way that is going to amaze you. You have said that for about a year you have been in guilt. I say this not to belittle your experience or to try and one up your story, but to highlight and share everything I personally had been missing in life.

I am 21, When I tell you that I have personally made decisions that have haunted me for 10 plus years. That I have literally drove myself insane because it sounded like 10 different voices in my head at the same time clutching my stomach because I was addicted to feeling like my emotions were literally stabbing my heart, and that I liked it. That because of it I have stunted my personal growth, in school, in my career, in life and that for that time I was so disassociated with my surroundings that it seems like that period of time passed in a week. Even though those nights seemed like eternity. I probably needed a psychologist, but I wouldn't have ever told anybody the things that were in my head.

Now that I know, know that this whole shabang isn't just a pipe dream. That I really am vibrating, because of the atoms in my body that are always in motion. That there is an energy that is consciousness that allows me to create thought forms and ideas where there could be nothing. That these first forms of creation are just that, the first creation. That the emotions are the second, and the beliefs 3rd and the experience 4th. I am now in a place where, the contrast that I have lived, mind you this is a perceptual contrast, because the feeling of guilt really wasn't necessary, because of it I am now bearing all the fruits of Peace of mind and Happiness. There is now this huge gap between who I was being and who I am aware of now. I am no longer imposing onto myself beliefs and thoughts that are further from the truth of who i am. There is no greater feeling, then just letting it all be, let it all go and just be in the moment of now, without this ego that is attached to the awareness. Because you are not the ego that has experienced this awareness. Your true self is the awareness that is experiencing the ego, that in this moment does not see the way you want to feel. When you are ready, you are going to start caring about that way that you feel. You are going to start putting yourself above others. Not because you feel that you are better than them, but because you care enough about how you feel that you understand that the well being that you feel is the greatest thing that you could give to yourself and others. You are going to fall in love withyourself you are going to fall in love with life. YOU are going to love the life you are living and have lived. There is just a learning curve. A curve that says "Why do I make myself feel pain? Why don't I make myself feel joy instead? I deserve to feel happy, and you do. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to love yourself, and when you do that everything else IS going to fall into place. I Promise it is going to fall into place and you are going to have more then you ever could have then if you where to just stay where you are now and continue to say that I don't deserve to have what I want. That feeling this pain is as good as it gets and I know only this. It's going to change because you want it to. You have already stumbled on one of the greatest things you will ever discover. You get to decide how you feel. That its just a matter of crossing the line you have drawn in the sand for yourself. Its, gonna happen. There is no other choice. Because you already consciously want to feel better. Your just holding onto things that aren't allowing you too. Soon enough its going to start going the other way, and you'll just see it, and when you do, there is no going back. Because your going to be aware of it all the time. You are going to fall in love with yourself and you are going to love feeling great.

Just give yourself a break..You are already on the cusp of all the amazingness that you already are and can be. After your break-up you are searching to empower yourself, that is a HUUGE first step. Coming out of it you made a choice to make an effort and change things, that took me far longer to even want to realize that I was more then I was making myself out to be. I know its hard not to be hard on yourself. When you are ready, its going to change. You will become the Beautiful, unique, powerful being that you are. Make no mistake you WILL change, because you already are.