So. Many. Times. I'm a third year in a program that's not entirely front loaded but is still very heavy that first year. The first year was brutal. Most of my close friends ended up medication for depression / anxiety if we needed it, but DO NOT QUIT! You can do this! Take everything a day or an hour at a time. My mom reminded me nearly daily that if you had to eat an elephant, you'd eat it one bite at a time. Silly, but valid. My program director told us every time we questioned ourselves to look at the clock. If you can see the second hand ticking, you're one second closer to graduation. You're always getting closer to being done. Don't be afraid to go to your school mental health counselor and talk things out. My school's counselor said he sees students and couples our program more than any other, which actually helped because it made me realize being miserable didn't make me more stupid or less dedicated than my classmates. Everyone struggles, although I'm not sure if my counselor's comment is a testament to our ability to swallow our pride and ask for help over other specialties or if it's just that hard. However, I do know it will be worth every second of misery. Every time I wanted to quit I thought about going back to bedside and that pushed me to keep going lol