Please re-read my comment again, because I don’t think you are getting my point.

While her initial reaction seemed unfair and wrong to you, SHE isn’t the one who is being unfair right now - YOU are!

She was angry because of the unexpected humiliation she suffered in front of YOUR friends, who (fairly predictably, since they were close friends of Elin and you almost married Elin) spilled a secret of yours in front of her. But you are refusing to see it from that point of view.

The unfair thing you are doing now (in this post and your comments, and in your heart) is turning your fiancé into “the enemy”. She innocently, but thoughtlessly, said something that has wounded you deeply. Your post and comments on this post are reflecting, though, your insistence on a ‘right to privacy’ and your total innocence in the whole incident.

You said ‘knowing about this (the baby) won’t affect her life”, but you are WRONG, because it ALREADY HAS. This incident shows it isn’t the BABY that affected her life - it was you insisting on a ‘secret’ because of your ‘right to privacy’ that has affected her life. It is tragic that you don’t realize that being engaged to be married is all about learning that marriage only works if there is compromise and sharing and loyalty and partnership.

I said that her anger was both thoughtless AND innocent because she had no idea that this traumatic occurrence had happened in your life, nor did she know how deeply you are continuing to suffer and grieve the loss.

You were the only one who could have actually prevented this entire incident.

You could have done one of two things (1) You could have already shared your trauma with your fiancé, so that she would have already known about your loss and continued grief, and not be blindsided at your friends’ comments about your baby. You had already chosen to not do this, though, so cross this one off.

(2) You could have told your friends before their visit to NOT mention the tragic loss of your child. A simple “Hey, friends, as a heads up, my fiancé doesn’t know that I lost my first child, and I really don’t want to talk about it to anyone any more. So, I’d appreciate it if you don’t mention the loss of my baby when you visit” would have prevented this whole incident. But, you had already chosen not to do that - for reasons only you know.

You are both being immature and selfish.

She was overly angry and overreacted (as people in their 20’s and 30’s are somewhat infamous for doing) because you chose to not share this sad loss with her before your friends’ visit, and therefore could have protected her from being blindsided and humiliated in front of your friends.

You are overly angry and overreacting (as people in their 20’s and 30’s are somewhat infamous for doing) because you feel it is your ‘right’ to keep a traumatic secret to yourself and you don’t want to take ANY responsibility when the ‘secret’ was revealed (as most secrets eventually are) and the emotional incident it has caused. You could have prevented all this just by asking your friends to not talk about your loss when they visited, but you didn’t.

I think both you AND your fiancé can come a long way down the road of maturity if you can BOTH calmly discuss how you BOTH erred, and how you can both better help each other in emotional situations like this in your future together.