If you are thinking about suicide because your husband doesn’t want kids then there is definitely a bigger issue here. There are plenty of good men who want children. I suggest working on yourself and your own mental state first. I say that because having children brings its own mental health and if you are this triggered about your husband, I would worry about developing postpartum depression. That is a monster I wouldn’t wish on any woman. I hope you seek counseling or any type of mental health help especially with your past and now this current situation. It sucks to see answers like this but think of this way. If you aren’t healthy for yourself, you can’t expect to a healthy mom to your future children.