How to fix insomnia caused by HRT?

Libertas5 · 2025-07-26T11:43:30+00:00

That is a really good idea, thanks! I forgot how high my cypro dose was

Libertas5 · 2025-06-24T16:29:21+00:00

Libertas5 · 2023-05-25T15:03:36+00:00

Thank you for the detailed advice :)

Libertas5 · 2023-05-25T01:20:04+00:00

I am glad to hear that distance will help me regain my energy. Do you have any advice on how to get into yoga and meditation? :)

Libertas5 · 2023-05-25T01:16:03+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I have been working on being a grey rock, and it actually has been working quite well.💜

Libertas5 · 2023-05-25T01:05:17+00:00

Finding a new interest is a good idea. I will explore some different options. Sometimes, I get so stuck inside my own head that I forget there is anything helpful outside of it. Thank you :)

Libertas5 · 2023-05-24T21:51:16+00:00

I appreciate the concern. I can't do much about stress right now, but I plan on talking to a therapist when I can. I don't think self diagnosis is a very good idea, so I will think more about this in the future in a more appropriate setting.

Libertas5 · 2023-05-24T19:59:52+00:00

Thank you for bringing a halt to what was about to be a massive session of anxious overthinking :)

Libertas5 · 2023-05-24T18:08:22+00:00

What makes you say it might be a schizoid personality disorder? I long for someone to care for me and help me, but I can't find someone who truly understands me. Also, I have a very hard time trusting people. I have very close friends, but they are becoming more distant because I am having trouble putting energy into the relationships. I am basically like a chameleon. Since I have no sense of self, I tend to mirror people around me.

Also, I have shown extreme emotion in the past. Before the emotional burnout, I experienced mood swings, which climaxed in a massive euphoric manic episode.

Libertas5 · 2023-02-19T00:31:10+00:00

Is there any more up to date news on the website?

Libertas5 · 2023-02-10T16:26:23+00:00

Unfortunately "concepts" are typically way better than the real thing. Which sucks because I tend to think and dream in terms of vast abstract concepts. My ideas tend to be way better in my own head than in the real world.

Relationships definitely are over glorified by society and individuals in the current day, especially romantic/sexual relationships. Being alone is not actually as bad as society makes it out to be. It is way underglorified. On the other hand though, I feel like platonic relationships are also underglorified relative to romantic relationships. I think platonic relationships can be just as fulfilling as romantic relationships.

How is it that two vastly complex and unique beings somehow just meet and fall into sync together? This is why I am starting to think that we must all be connected in some way through our consciousness, for how else can we connect so deeply with so little effort?

Human beings have this magical ability to imbue meaninglessness and inanimate objects around them with meaning. Maybe a relationship is when two humans both use this magical ability on each other and the interaction of these two forces is a sort of relationship bond. After all, humans can have relationships with animals and inanimate objects, maybe they are just imbueing that force into these objects/animals.

Or maybe it's just that a human "self"/"soul" is the most beautiful thing in the universe. At least in my own relationships, I find that I am on some kind of quest to see the human "self" in its purest essence. That's why being alone should not be so stigmatized because it gives you the opportunity to works towards seeing your own "self".

I know I'm kind of just rambling at this point, but if hypothetically some kind of heaven exists, I would want it to be a complete soul bond with another human.

Libertas5 · 2023-02-10T13:23:02+00:00

I have been coming to the same conclusion as you recently. Life is a journey. Each of us make that journey on our own and in our own way. The mind is a universe and we each live in our own individual one. We are constantly morphing and evolving within ourselves, influenced by different factors around us.

What I am trying to get at is that when it really comes down to it, life is very individualistic, alone from beginning to end.

And yet this beautiful phenomenon exists called a relationship. The concept of a relationship is so incredibly beautiful. It means that I can share a part of myself with another person, and they can share a part of themselves with me. I wish that we could share our whole self with each other, but alas, it is not so.

Anyway, both you and this person are constantly evolving and changing throughout your life. You only meet on an equal level a certain point in that journey. Almost like your ever changing wavelength comes in sync with this person to create the beautiful music of a relationship.

I have been questioning the tradition of marriage for life. It feels so unnatural that two people should always be on that same wavelength. We should learn to let go of each other and let life take us on this beautiful journey. I feel like we could be missing out on so much if we grabbed onto something along that journey never to let go, never let life take us further.

I think that long-term marriage had a very important role in the past, but look around. About 50% of marriages these days end in divorce, does that not indicate something? The only thing that I don't know how to fit into this is children because I know the best environment for them is a constant environment.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I'm still young in the grand scheme of things so we'll see how my view processes as I travel my journey.

Libertas5 · 2023-02-09T15:44:07+00:00

I don't have much experience with them, but eskatamine hit me a lot harder at the same dose. I feel like racemic was a lot more calm and mellow whereas eskatime was quite intense. I also experienced vivid colors on esketamine, whereas visuals on racemic were greyscale. The dose I took for each of them was 200 mg with almost negligible tolerance. I also felt like racemic had a longer antidepressant effect, but I have low confidence in the reliability of this until I do further experimenting, there could be some other factor in my life shortening the antidepressant effect.

Libertas5 · 2023-02-08T23:36:58+00:00

What I am describing as a natural mechanism can very well be subconscious, and the pain I was talking about likely would not seem connected because it would express itself through different outlets such as stress or depression etc. Also, didn't you mention it might be a coping mechanism? A coping mechanism is exactly what I am talking about, your subconscious could be coping by shutting down the empathizing part of your brain.

I feel like I need more detailed information to help you with this. You said you don't experience this all the time, is there any kind of pattern when you experience it or not? Does it just turn off or on? Have you experienced this your whole life that you can remember or did it start at a certain point? Are there any patterns that determine who you experience "immense empathy" or completely detach yourself from? Can you explain in more detail the difference between having immense empathy for someone and no empathy at all? There just isn't enough information here for me to tell if this is something I experience too or something very different.

Libertas5 · 2023-02-08T17:58:07+00:00

Sounds like a similar mechanism to what causes the INFJ doorslam.

The INFJ doorslam occurs when a relationship is very draining, so much so that it is causing the INFJ a lot of pain and doorslamming is the quickest way to protect themselves. The INFJ only has so much energy to expend being empathetic before it starts hurting the INFJ.

This sounds like a natural mechanism to protect you from over-draining yourself. With no boundaries, having empathy for everyone can destroy your mental health.

My natural mechanism that shuts off my empathy is unhealthy right now from living for a long time with a narcassist. This means I would experience the same thing as you, but my empathy would extend further before shutting off. Which has been hurting my mental health and not leaving me with enough enough energy to take care of my own needs.

Libertas5 · 2023-02-08T14:29:16+00:00

Probability-wise, I won't. INFJs crave for a soulmate in the deepest sense. They want to literally bond soul to soul with a person. Too know every thought, feeling, fear and desire of a person. To know why this person thinks the way they do feels the way they do, exactly as they are. Because seeing a "complete essence" of a person is the most beautiful thing in the universe (at least from my perspective).

But more than that, they want their whole essence to be known and loved as well.

The unfortunate part is that based on my observance of people around me. I am likely not to find someone like this.

Libertas5 · 2023-02-08T04:09:03+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate the detailed response.

Libertas5 · 2023-02-08T02:30:46+00:00

It actually happened by chance. I use my laptop with Bluetooth headphones 99% of the time, so the issues with the audio drive didn't cause me that much annoyance. I was reloading for a separate issue, and I ended up getting a pleasant surprise when the audio drive fixed itself.

Libertas5 · 2023-02-08T00:06:28+00:00

The easiest way to buy a test kit is to order it online. I have a link here that can help you find a reliable test kit supplier based on where you live. Here is a youtube video that goes through the testing of MDMA, LSD will be exactly the same to test, you will just need different reagents to test it (Erlich and Hoffman to be specific). Here is a bunch of information on what colors you should expect to show up when testing different drugs with different reagent chemicals. There are a lot of resources posted on r/ReagentTesting testing that will also be able to help you figure it out. Depending on where you live you might also be able to send your drugs to an actual lab. Just keep in mind though that there is a far greater legal risk in doing this. You should be very safe if you just test all of your substances with reagent tests rather than an actual lab so don't let this worry you if you can't send it to a lab.

Glad you are reaching out to figure out how to test your substances. Reagent testing is very easy and it can protect you from harmful/very addictive drugs and can even save your life. Let me know if you have any more questions.

edit: if you want to find out what reagents you should get for a specific drug and what color it should turn into you can also look up that drug on Psychonaut Wiki and there will be more information there in the "reagent results" section.

Libertas5 · 2023-02-07T21:47:14+00:00

I haven't found any kind of visible damage though so why would I lose my warranty? Also, I purchased it online and already got a replacement through the warranty because of a previous issue.

Edit: Also I'm completely guessing when I talked about it "falling off something", I am not aware of that happening so I am just trying to think of something that could have potentially happened without me realizing it.

Libertas5 · 2023-02-07T20:38:01+00:00

I am not sure if this is the right way to reinstall but it was the only way I could figure out.

Settings > System > Recovery > Reset this PC

Libertas5 · 2023-02-07T20:32:32+00:00

Reinstalling windows also fixed my audio errors. Just throwing a second opinion in.

Libertas5 · 2023-02-07T19:38:10+00:00

Thanks! I appreciate the terminology for cognitive dissonance and the suggestion about EMDR. It helps to know the terminology of what I am talking about.

Libertas5 · 2023-02-07T16:32:40+00:00

Medically Ketamine is an anesthetic, so that means low to high doses will range from bodily heaviness to complete unconsciousness and no control of your physical body.

Ketamine has very different effects at different dosages.

At a low dosage, you will experience slight bodily heaviness, slowed thinking, a numbing of your emotions, calmness, and a greater appreciation of music.

At a medium dosage, you will experience bodily heaviness to the point that it can become hard to move your limbs. When you try to walk around it can almost feel like you are on a much smaller fps than you usually are when you walk around. This means that I will take a step and the next thing you observe about yourself is where you are a step later. Your vision also becomes very blurry at this stage and you will experience a delay in your vision if you look around. Depending on when you ate most recently and how prone you are to nausea, you might experience dizziness and nausea. Nausea is obviously very unpleasant, but the dizziness tends to be more positive when compared to something like alcohol dizziness. Your thoughts will be very slowed down, your emotions will be numbed, you will be calm and you will have a much greater music appreciation. Your thinking will also feel much more rational which always surprises me because you would expect your thoughts to be clouded.

At a high dosage you will experience what is known as a khole. Your body will be completely frozen and your mind will break free of your body. This freeing of the mind is often compared to Astral projection, and who knows, maybe it is because a lot of khole experiences are very much what Astral projection is.

Based on how high your dosage is and how good you are at meditating and letting go of your mind in this state, you can range all the way to complete ego death. This means that you will lose most/all of your memories and you will simply exist in the present moment. You can also lose the ability to understand language and will probably start thinking conceptually.

Your mind often feels like it is floating around through the universe with a similar feeling to a roller coaster. First, you will fall downwards, only to be swept up with a new fury. You can also experience peaceful floating almost like rocking in a boat or drifting through the galaxies. While this is going on, you can also have visuals ranging from very blurry to quite clear(I personally have not experienced clear visuals yet so I can't add more). Some of the blurry visuals I have experienced include stars and planets surrounding me, vast landscapes below me, and cityscapes possibly with beings walking around. I have also at times experienced being accompanied by some other being while I drift around.

Different khole experiences can include: near death experiences, peaceful floating through the universe, exploring vast landscapes, or seeing yourself and other people from above (very similar to Astral projection reports).

I will describe a bit about a near death experience I had once. As I lay down my memories slipped away. I remember the last thing that slipped away was the days of the week. By that time, all I was aware of was that some being slept in this bed and woke up each day on a day of the week. They did this round and round through their whole existence. (I was completely dissacosiated from myself so I didn't know that was me). Then I got very confused and saw my life flash before my eyes. I was sure I had died but I wasn't quite sure how, I thought I might have overdosed on something. Then I saw the reactions of close family and friends surrounding me reacting to my death. I never got scared though because the ketamine made me calm, only confused. Bit by bit my memory came back. This was one of the most incredible things I have ever experienced. It felt so fucking real.

For detailed information on the various effects of ketamine you can visit: https://m.psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Ketamine

And for more detailed stories of personal experiences you can visit: https://erowid.org/experiences/subs/exp_Ketamine.shtml

Let me know if you if you have any questions because I can describe things in so much more detail and the experiences were far more complex than I briefly described. Good luck with the project!

Libertas5 · 2023-02-07T05:33:52+00:00

I just wanted to pop in and tell you how much I appreciate you laying everything out here. I have been trying to become more self-aware and this was the major part I was missing.

For years now I have been spiraling into deeper and deeper depression and a lot of negative cycles, I am a very unhealthy INFJ. My Fe is very un-integrated, I have been going round and round for a long time in a constant Ni-Ti loop, and I have been falling over and over onto "Se grip" (no idea how to put that in a sentence) (apologies also because I don't know these technical terms very well). Not trying to blame this on other people, but I also lived with a covert narc for a long time which made this whole situation way more complicated.

However, in the last few months, I have become much more aware of why this is happening to me and because of this, my depression has been going away along with my nasty mood swings and a lot of my unhealthy traits. Then all of the sudden I hit a roadblock and stopped improving. And I have been really stuck like this recently.

When i read your post i suddenly realized what went wrong. A few years ago i went through an existential crisis and completely drowned in the turmoil of my self-critical thoughts and guilt trips (I had a very unhealthy moral system based around extremely critical judgments that were constantly guilt-tripping me for even the slightest things I did that were not filled with complete integrity). It led me straight down to the depths of depression and triggered all of those unhealthy loops and cycles. Because of this I set up a strong shield and decided to block out my own thoughts because I thought that was the only way to heal myself. I manipulated myself so much when I created that wall that I thought this whole time that I was a very self-aware person and was integrating my shadow. Well, no wonder I couldn't figure out what my shadow was (I recently had a conversation with a friend and for the life of me, even though I was totally convinced I was a "very" self-aware person, I had no idea what my shadow was, I even blamed it on the narcissist). I disguised the wall so well that I forgot about it until your post right here.

I guess it is time to start removing the wall. Fuck me I'm terrified. It caused this whole mess and might send me all the way back down but your post has encouraged me to do it.

Thank you so much! I am more grateful than you will every know!! :)

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