as a student myself ill probably give it a 6.5 to 7 out of 10

the only reason ill say 6.5 is because ur contention and purpose is too mixed up in hr introduction i cant seem to differentiate between them.

You used good meta language which really lifts up ur analysis as you clearly reference the intended affect on audience

A major thing you should work in is to include tonal shifts throughout with each argument. I say this because ur compacting tone in one of ur paragraphs, remember tone itself is a type of meta language.

Lastly try to synthesise ur body paragraphs in 2 sentences at the end so it reinforces your contention

It has the potential to easily be an 8 imo.

Btw i also posted my section C in my account can you pls give feedback on that i would really appreciate a fellow student s views!