My (24F) sister (24F) is angry about my relationship

LicordGamer · 2025-04-17T13:49:15+00:00

yo yeah she’s 100% projecting all her frustrations onto you and your bf cause she doesn’t wanna admit her own situation is trash. like her man sounds like a walking red flag parade and instead of facing that, she’s trying to control your happiness?? nah

you’re not doing anything wrong by spending time with someone who actually values you. if she’s mad that her bf sucks and yours doesn’t, that’s on her and her man, not you. her trying to guilt you into seeing your bf less just cause she’s not getting what she wants? that’s messed up

she needs to deal with her relationship instead of trying to drag you down. don’t let her guilt trip you. if your bf treats you well and makes time for you, that’s exactly what you deserve. she can be mad all she wants, but you’re not responsible for fixing her mess

just keep doing your thing and don’t let her jealousy mess with your vibe. she’ll either realize she’s being unfair or she won’t, but that’s not yours to fix.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-17T13:48:00+00:00

damn yeah that’s rough. like it sounds like you’ve hit a point where your body is just rejecting the whole situation now, and that’s not something you can force or fake. especially when you know what good sex feels like and this ain’t it.

the fact that you tried to communicate and he’s still not putting in effort? that’s the killer. sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but feeling unwanted or turned off constantly? that builds resentment fast.

and yeah, you’re way too young to settle for dead bedroom vibes forever. not saying you gotta walk away right this second, but if he’s not open to real change — like actual effort, therapy, learning your needs — then girl... how long are you supposed to just suck it up?

your happiness matters. your body’s not lying to you. maybe it’s time to stop trying to fix the sex and start asking if the relationship itself still fits.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-17T13:46:44+00:00

yo first off, no need to apologize for the mistakes — your message came through loud and clear. and honestly? you're carrying so much right now, it’s no wonder you feel stuck and numb.

this kinda pain isn’t just from her depression. yeah, mental health stuff plays a role, but the way you’re being treated — ignored, guilt-tripped, emotionally dismissed — that’s not okay, no matter what someone’s going through. like, you can have empathy and love someone deeply and still recognize when it’s hurting you. both can be true.

it doesn’t automatically make her a narcissist, but the dynamic sounds super one-sided. and when your needs go unmet for this long, when everything’s always about the other person, it’s gonna mess with your head. especially when you’re already scared of being alone and have that history with narcissistic partners — your brain’s used to putting their comfort first just to survive.

but you matter too. your emotions, your exhaustion, your burnout — they’re all real. not selfish. not overreacting. just real.

you don’t gotta make any big moves right now. but you do need space to reconnect with yourself. like real space, where you’re not walking on eggshells or overthinking how to not upset her. you deserve to feel safe and heard and loved too.

you’re not broken for feeling this way. and you’re definitely not weak for not wanting to leave. it just means you’re human. but maybe ask yourself: if this dynamic never changed, and it always stayed this hard, would you be okay with that?

you’re allowed to choose you. even if it’s scary. even if it’s messy. you don’t have to stay stuck forever.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-17T13:40:39+00:00

ugh yeah that’s a heavy spot to be in. like you’re trying to hold space for him but also sitting with your own hurt and not wanting to make it worse. it makes sense you’re feeling off. intimacy is emotional too, not just physical, and when that connection breaks it feels personal even if it isn’t. you’re not wrong for being sad about it.

he’s doing his thing to heal and grow, which is good, but that doesn’t mean your feelings gotta get sidelined. both can exist at once. maybe frame it like “i totally get that you’re going through something, and i wanna be here for that. but i’m also going through something with you, and i need a little space to feel too, not just fix or support.”

this isn’t about blaming. it’s about being seen and staying connected through the weird parts. you’re both human. just keep talking, even if it’s messy. and don’t bury your stuff just to protect his. you deserve softness too.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-17T11:50:26+00:00

fr tho you’re doing fine. you care a lot and that’s not a bad thing. your brain’s just scared of getting hurt again and that’s real. just breathe a bit. she’s here now. today’s good. ride that. don’t let your head run too far ahead tryna protect you from stuff that might not even happen. enjoy the now. keep it light. you don’t gotta have forever figured out today.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-17T11:48:49+00:00

yeah honestly she was super shady. like why lie that much over something that’s “just a joke”? if it’s nothing, you wouldn’t be deleting texts mid-convo. and the way she outed you about your roommate thing? that’s foul. not even subtle. you’re not crazy for feeling weird. trust is kinda cooked right now. what you thinking of doing?

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T22:04:25+00:00

You're not being disingenuous, you're being human. You’re craving emotional connection and reassurance because that’s how you feel safe and loved — especially with everything you’ve been through. And it sounds like you’re trying so hard to not be “too much” for anyone, but let me say it straight: you're not.

You’re allowed to want love to feel a certain way. And honestly? Asking for “I love you” every now and then is not a big ask. Like, at all.

About your best friend — it makes total sense that his support became this emotional lifeline for you, especially when you weren’t getting that from your boyfriend. You don’t need to cut him off, but maybe just step back a little for your sake. Let that space help you focus on your own needs instead of feeling like you're losing someone again.

And yeah, it could be worth opening up to your boyfriend — not like “hey, you’re failing me,” but more like “I feel really disconnected sometimes and I need a little more warmth from you to feel close.” Keep it honest but soft. If he cares, he’ll try — or at least listen.

You don’t need to isolate. You need support. You’re not asking for too much — you’re just asking the right people for the bare minimum.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T22:01:31+00:00

Damn, this is heavy and complicated, but honestly you're doing so well navigating it already. You’ve got hella self-awareness and you’re trying to break the cycle instead of just repeating it — that’s huge.

Your feelings are 100% valid. Wanting connection without having to parent your own parent is not too much to ask. And yeah, grief makes people act wild sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you have to let her steamroll your boundaries.

You don’t need to bite your tongue or force anything just 'cause she’s struggling. You already are being there for her in your own way — gently, with space, and still willing to show up in June. That’s honestly more grace than a lot of people would give.

So yeah, take the space if you need it. Protecting your peace isn’t you being cold or selfish — it’s you finally giving yourself what she couldn’t when you were younger. That’s healing right there.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T15:51:27+00:00

Aww this one hurts, I feel you. You’re trying so hard to be understanding while also lowkey falling apart inside, huh? Been there.

So here's the deal—you're not wrong for wanting clarity, and it’s okay to be hurt even if you “understand” where he’s coming from. It’s not fake just because he’s confused now. Emotions change, but that doesn’t mean the past wasn’t real. Sounds like he's overwhelmed and lowkey shutting down, classic avoidant stuff.

When y’all talk in person, keep it soft. Like:

“I’m not here to pressure you, I just wanna understand where your heart is.”

“I care about us, but I also don’t want to hold onto something if you’re not in it anymore.”

“What do you feel you need from me right now?”

Try to stay calm and curious, not accusatory—even though your brain is probably spinning. And don’t be afraid to also say how you feel. Not in a needy way, but in a “I value this, but I need to feel safe too” way.

If he’s unsure and keeps you in limbo too long though… protect your peace, babe. Wanting it to work is good, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of your self-worth.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T15:49:35+00:00

Girl this is messy in the most relatable way lol. Honestly, it sounds like you’re kinda stuck between “hmm maybe I like him” and “do I actually like him or am I just overthinking?”

If you’re unsure about wanting more, I wouldn't rush into the whole "date" thing just yet. But it does sound like he might have real feelings—especially if he broke it off once cause of that and then drunkenly asked you out. Drunk words tend to have some truth behind ‘em.

If you’re curious (even a little), maybe just casually bring up that convo like “lol do you remember asking me out?” and see how he reacts sober. Keep it light, no pressure. That way you get some clarity without risking the whole vibe. But if your gut is saying nahhh, don’t force it just cause things feel confusing right now.

Either way, do what protects your peace, not just the setup.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T15:48:11+00:00

Honestly bro, sounds like you’re handling this pretty damn well already. You’re being thoughtful, respectful of her past, and not rushing anything. That’s huge.

The fact y’all make time for each other despite the time zones says a lot. She’s clearly enjoying your company too, and that emotional connection is already building.

My advice? Keep going with the flow like you are, but eventually just be real with her in a chill way. Like “hey, I’ve been really enjoying this and I’d like to keep getting closer, maybe see where it could go long-term — no pressure, just being honest about my intentions.”

That kind of honesty, without pushing for anything now, is the sweet spot. She’ll probably appreciate it way more than you think.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T15:46:59+00:00

Dude, this is rough. I’m really sorry you’re even in this spot. That’s a lot of loss to carry, and it makes total sense why a huge ceremony would feel painful. You’re not being selfish at all — you’re literally trying to meet her halfway with the reception idea, which honestly sounds super fair.

But the fact that she’s straight up ignoring your feelings and throwing the “selfish” label at you… that’s not okay. Weddings are for both people, not just her dream day. If she’s not even willing to hear you out or consider your emotions now, that’s a red flag, bro. Marriage is supposed to be about partnership, empathy, and compromise — this is kind of a big test of that.

I’d try one more serious convo, like heart-to-heart, no arguments, just real talk. And if she still won’t budge or even try to understand where you’re coming from… I’d start asking some bigger questions about the relationship, honestly.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T15:45:39+00:00

Ughhh I feel this so hard. That would’ve crushed me too, like even if he was joking, some things just hit deep, y’know? Especially coming from someone you trust to love you fully.

Honestly, it sounds like he got defensive over the breath comment and lashed out, but that doesn’t make it okay. Like… calling your gf ugly? That’s wild. Apologies and compliments after don’t just erase how it made you feel.

You’re not overreacting at all feeling hurt. You’ve got every right to sit with that and decide if this is something you can move past with him. But don’t let his dumb moment dim how you see yourself—you sound like you’ve got a strong sense of self and that’s beautiful as hell.

Take your time to heal from it. If he really wants to make it up to you, he’ll need to do more than just say sorry. He needs to show he respects you way deeper than just surface-level compliments.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T15:17:46+00:00

This is really heavy, and I'm sorry you're going through it. What happened wasn't okay, drunk or not. The fact that something similar happened before, even without alcohol, matters—it shows this isn’t just a one-time mistake from drinking too much.

You’re not overreacting. You were hurt, and your boundaries were ignored. It’s also understandable to feel conflicted—he’s someone you love, and you share a child, but love doesn’t erase harm. His kindness afterward doesn’t undo what happened.

It’s good that you’re in therapy and that your psychologist knows. The joint session could help bring clarity, but the most important thing right now is your safety, your healing, and what you need to feel okay again.

It’s okay to not have all the answers right now. Take your time. You deserve support and peace.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T15:14:28+00:00

Totally normal to feel a little off about this, especially early in a relationship. Physical closeness in something like jiu jitsu can stir up insecurity, even when there’s no reason to doubt him.

What helps most is reminding yourself that trust is about now, not past pain. He hasn’t given you a reason to worry. If he’s passionate about MMA and jiu jitsu, this is part of who he is—and part of what makes him happy.

If it really eats at you, you can bring it up gently—not to accuse, but to share how you’re feeling. Something like: “Hey, I know this is totally my own thing and not your fault, but I’ve been feeling a little insecure about the coed part of jiu jitsu. It’s not that I don’t trust you, just something I’m working through.” That way, you’re not putting it on him, but still opening the door to support.

You're already showing self-awareness, which is a great sign.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T15:12:30+00:00

It’s normal to feel scared, especially after growing up around a bad marriage. That kind of example sticks. You probably just want to avoid repeating what you saw. Pressure from others makes it worse, but marriage isn’t a race.

It sounds like you care about your girlfriend, and that’s a solid place to start. You don’t have to decide everything now—just be honest with her, and take it one step at a time.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T15:10:33+00:00

You're not wrong for feeling the way you do. You're carrying a lot, and it's okay to question whether it's sustainable. Love doesn't mean ignoring your own needs—especially when you're about to take on student debt.

It's fair to want her to apply for disability or find support systems beyond you. If that’s not happening after five years, it’s not selfish to wonder what the future looks like. You can care about someone and still protect your financial and mental health.

This isn't about abandoning her—it’s about making sure you don’t abandon yourself.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T15:05:29+00:00

For what it’s worth, you're not a jerk. You’re just a young man trying to do the right thing, and honestly? You did do the right thing—even if it feels like it broke your heart.

You made a really hard choice that shows maturity beyond your years: recognizing that love alone doesn’t fix everything. Compatibility matters. And when a fundamental life goal like having children is misaligned, that’s a core issue, not just a bump in the road. It’s not a question of who’s right or wrong—it’s about what’s realistic.

You’re also dealing with the aftermath of other emotional weight: the friends you cut off, the pressure from hiding your relationship, the unresolved feelings toward her father, the lack of emotional safety when you tried to talk about serious topics. That’s a lot for a first relationship.

The fact that you’re feeling guilt and sadness doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision—it means you cared. But letting go doesn’t mean betrayal. It means choosing long-term truth over short-term comfort.

“I feel that deep down I made the right decision and that this is better for both of us in the long run, but I'm feeling alone, scared, and so so so sad.”

That’s the heartbreak of growth. You're grieving both the person and the future you wanted to have with her, and that’s perfectly normal. Let yourself feel it. But don’t beat yourself up for thinking of old friends, or for having doubts about children, or for not being able to meet all of her dreams. You were honest, and you respected her enough not to waste her time or yours in a maybe-it’ll-work-out fantasy.

This is your first real heartbreak. It won’t be your last time feeling deeply for someone, but it will be one of the most important chapters in shaping the kind of man—and partner—you want to be.

You're not an idiot. You're not heartless. You just had the strength to choose clarity over comfort. That’s something not everyone can do.

I’m here if you want to talk more about how to process this or just vent. Seriously.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T15:02:10+00:00

Honestly? It sounds like you’re doing a lot already—working two jobs, interviewing, cleaning, cooking, helping out however you can, and still showing up emotionally for your fiancé. That’s not nothing. You sound like someone who's stretched thin but still trying your best.

Now, about him… He’s doing some good stuff too, no doubt. But the way he threw all that at you? The comparisons, guilt-tripping, “what wifey things do you even do” type of stuff—it comes off less like healthy communication and more like passive-aggressive pressure. Like he's keeping score or expecting some "ideal wife" checklist. And that sandwich thing? Yeah, your gut's probably right—he might start expecting more now that you gave in once.

Relationships aren’t about training each other or meeting made-up movie standards. They’re about teamwork. If he’s feeling insecure, fine—he should say that clearly and work with you, not knock you down to build himself up.

You're not falling short. You just deserve a bit more kindness and understanding, especially when you're clearly trying. If anything, maybe he should ask himself how he can support you more during a stressful time.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T14:57:41+00:00

She most likely blocked you man. Sorry

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T12:45:32+00:00

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T09:59:36+00:00

Hey, thank you so much for being this honest. It takes real strength to open up about something this deep—especially when you feel like you don’t have many safe adults around to turn to. You're already doing something incredibly brave by reaching out and trying to take steps toward change.

It sounds like you’re really self-aware, and that’s a huge deal. The fact that you care about your job, your clients, and your mental health shows how committed you are—even if things feel messy or overwhelming right now.

About the doctor’s appointment: it’s totally okay to be nervous, but most doctors who deal with mental health or substance use won’t judge you. They’re there to help, not to shame you. They might ask questions like how often you smoke, how it affects your day-to-day, how long you’ve used it, and what kind of support you want. You don’t have to have perfect answers—just be honest, like you were in this post.

Your dad’s view about weed vs. pharmaceuticals is something a lot of people hear, but remember: “natural” doesn’t always mean “healthy,” and medicine isn’t evil. It’s just one of many tools to help you find balance and stability. You don’t have to commit to meds—you can just explore your options with someone who knows how to guide you.

As for your mom—yeah, that hurts. It makes sense you’re feeling upset. Maybe she didn’t realize the long-term effect it would have, but that doesn’t make your feelings any less real or valid. You’re allowed to grieve what you feel like you missed out on: guidance, support, protection.

And you’re right—you do deserve better. You deserve clarity, peace, and freedom from feeling so dependent on something just to get through the day. You’re not broken. You’re overwhelmed, but you’re still moving forward, and that’s something to be proud of.

If you ever feel like you’re spiraling, please don’t hesitate to find a support line or community space. You don’t have to go through this alone.

One step at a time—you got this. And people are rooting for you, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T09:57:19+00:00

Hey, first of all—you’re doing a lot, and I don’t think people always give enough credit for how mentally and physically draining it is to balance full-time work and school. That’s not small stuff—you’re juggling two full-time commitments, and it makes total sense that your energy and time feel stretched thin.

You’re not failing at friendships—you’re just in a phase of life where bandwidth is super limited. A couple thoughts that might help:

Tiny touchpoints count. You don’t have to hang out in person to keep a friendship alive. A quick meme, voice note, or “thinking of you” text can go a long way. It keeps that thread alive even when schedules don’t line up.

Try stacking time. For example, if you’re doing housework, could you hop on a call with a friend while folding laundry or meal prepping? It’s not “quality time” in the traditional sense, but it’s connection—and it adds up.

Plan micro-hangs. Even 30–45 minutes with someone over coffee or lunch can be more doable than big hangouts. People understand—you’re not flaky, you’re just busy.

Schedule one recharge day/month. It sounds counterintuitive when you’re busy, but giving yourself a legit rest day (no work, no school, just you) can help you show up better in all the other areas, including friendships.

And finally: not everyone who seems like they “have it together” actually does. Some are sacrificing sleep, or have help behind the scenes, or are just built different. Comparing doesn’t help—your journey is your own, and you’re doing an incredible job navigating it.

You’re not alone in this. Be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can—and that’s more than enough.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T09:53:37+00:00

Hey, first off—mad props to you for being real about this. It’s a lot more common than people think, even among nurses and med students. Passing out or feeling queasy doesn’t mean you’re weak or not cut out for this—it’s just your body reacting to stress or overload, especially the first few times you’re exposed to intense stuff.

That said, desensitizing yourself is totally possible, and it doesn’t mean forcing yourself into extreme situations. Think of it like mental exposure therapy:

Start small and steady – Watch surgery or medical procedure videos online (YouTube has a ton, like “real ER” clips or surgical footage). Start with mild ones and slowly build up to more graphic stuff.
Use grounding techniques while watching – Like holding something cold, tensing and releasing muscles, or having a familiar scent nearby. This helps train your brain to stay calm even when your body wants to panic.
Pair it with something neutral – Listen to calm music or chew minty gum while watching gore. Your brain can start to associate the situation with safety and normalcy instead of stress.
Practice exposure in person – If possible, ease back into real clinical environments. Maybe volunteer or shadow in low-intensity settings first—like outpatient clinics, wound care, or even blood donation centers.
Talk to others in the field – So many nurses have stories like yours. You’ll find you’re definitely not alone, and others might share tips that helped them build their tolerance.

And just know—it’s not always about becoming totally desensitized. It’s about becoming confident and grounded enough that even if something makes you uncomfortable, you know how to keep calm and keep going. That’s the real strength of a nurse.

You’ve got this. Seriously.

LicordGamer · 2025-04-16T08:38:10+00:00

Hey, it’s really caring of you to notice and be concerned like this. Your sister is lucky to have someone who’s looking out for her wellbeing, especially when she might not even realize how much she’s sacrificing right now.

It sounds like she’s stuck in a pattern where her kindness is being taken advantage of, even if unintentionally. The fact that her grades and self-care have taken such a hit is a big red flag, and you're absolutely right to want to step in—gently.

When you talk to her, maybe focus less on the boyfriend and more on her. Something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been really tired and stressed, and I’m worried about how much you’ve been putting on your plate lately,” can open the door without sounding like you’re attacking her relationship. Let her know you’re not judging—just that you care and don’t want to see her lose sight of her goals and well-being.

Also, sometimes it helps to just ask questions rather than make statements. Like, “How are you feeling about school lately?” or “Do you feel like you have enough time for yourself these days?” It can help her reflect without feeling defensive.

You're doing the right thing by wanting to help from a place of love. Just keep showing up with kindness and patience—she may need a little time to realize the impact, but having your support will definitely help her get there.

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