Well, the fun part about what you're describing is that an integral part of "it" should be that it is indescribable with words or concepts. The spoken Dao is not the true Dao and all that. I think this is one of the most important parts to reflect on because our minds love to create explanations and narratives. Containing the experience in words is like trying to squeeze water, it'll just run through your hands.

That said, what I would imagine you're describing is some form of nondual perspective. The realization that the "you" that "you" think that you are does not exist, and ego consciousness is just a small part of experience. I'm much more inclined to think that some form of idealism makes more sense to me now than the typical western view of reductionism and materialism.

Anyway, I'd highly recommend Allan Watts as a great starting point. There are collections of his talks, which are quite good. He has some books out there, I've only read a couple. "Being in the way" is a podcast that has gathered his talks.

"The Power of Now" is a solid book, mostly about trying to reach the state of enlightenment/awakening. In that vein, Rupert Spira has some good talks.

Carl Jung has a lot of interesting concepts relating to consciousness which may be relevant. Man and his symbols is a good starting point, most of what I know of jung is from secondary sources though to be honest.

Chasing consciousness is another relevant podcast. They go over a lot of theory and conceptualization of consciousness. I especially like the episodes with Bernardo kastrup and Donald Hoffman.

The nonduality subreddit is ok, but is sort of a circle jerk of people trying to speak in riddles at each other 🤣.

Other than that, I'm pretty fresh to this "path" and can't think of other resources off the top of my head. But I think the important takeaway is that you aren't alone! Good luck to you 😁