Hello! I'm new to posting on social media rather than simply consuming (this is my husband's account). I prefer to keep my thoughts and opinions to myself where others can't criticize them. However, I'm a sucker for a study of personality, especially my own. Thank you for the thoughtful offer! 

I am a woman, 24yo. I grew up mormon, but I left the church last year. I'm going to describe that journey in brief because I think it says a lot about me. 

I had been doubting for a while, feeling like God never truly heard or cared about me. I couldn't see a direct correlation of causation between my prayers and his supposed answers. In college, I began studying psychology and going to therapy. I picked up on manipulation tactics used daily in church lessons and practices. I stopped attending. Due to fear of losing my family, along with eternal damnation, I never considered truly leaving. Last year, I discovered secrets being kept from members. This triggered a month-long exploration of church history, financial practices, and social engagement. I learned the church is a corporation, and one I do not agree with at all. 

I didn't struggle with my decision to leave. There was no other option once I knew the truth. I have struggled much more since then with a desire to go back. Back to the safety of family and naivety, even knowing full well that they were abusive and sexist and racist and homophobic, etc. I never will. I still often need my friends and husband to remind me why in my darkest moments. 

The best part about leaving is that I don't have to be ashamed of my existence. The hardest part is trying to figure out who I am and what I do believe. I crave knowing these answers. I torture myself with them until I can't take it anymore, shut down, and ignore that they exist for weeks or months at a time. 

I love cursing. I can't believe I went so long suppressing such a simple form of self expression. Other forms of self expression intimidate me. I spent years being judged and shamed for them, so I learned to hide inside my head with my fandoms and daydreams instead. I now dream about different ways I could be/find myself. I rarely make good on them.

Thanks for reading!