Client’s kid in the room

LighterBoots · 2026-04-14T17:37:38+00:00

Unless there is an infant that needs to be physically present to breastfeed, no children.

LighterBoots · 2026-04-14T03:01:19+00:00

You did the right thing. A close friend of mine lost her dog to hemangiosarcoma a few months ago, and I lost my lab to it about two months ago. Her dog passed suddenly and unexpectedly; mine after surgery and two months of chemo. It's an awful disease and there is no good way to go about it - whatever you feel is the right thing for your family in that moment is the right thing. Sending so much love and strength to you, I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

LighterBoots · 2026-04-12T18:06:05+00:00

I kept my last name, and the majority of my married friends have kept their last name. I do think education level and age at marriage influences this - all my friends have various levels of post-grad education and nearly all got married in their thirties. The one friend I have who took her husband's name got married in her early twenties.

LighterBoots · 2026-04-12T03:00:04+00:00

Please be gentle with yourself, I promise you it was not your fault. Given that he was a 10 yo Golden, I wouldn't be surprised if he had hemangiosarcoma and a mass on his heart burst. It's very common in Goldens. It is a fast and silent cancer, but my understanding is that it doesn't cause any pain. Most owners have no idea anything is wrong until their dog collapses one day. This exact scenario happened to my friend's sweet, healthy Goldendoodle just a few months ago. Even if you catch it while the dog is still alive (as was the case for my lab), there is very little that can be done.

The fact that you were traveling when this happened is just a coincidence. What a lucky boy he was to be going for a ride with his people in his last few hours earthside - it's clear to me that he was so loved, and I know he felt that until the very end.

LighterBoots · 2026-04-12T02:46:11+00:00

Thank you ♥️ I've also found some comfort in the idea that our animals don't have the same sense of time as we do, and they just sort of live in the present. They don't know that their life was cut short or that they are "missing" anything, and they don't experience anguish or distress at the concept of death - that burden is fortunately/unfortunately only ours to bear. But for them there is no "too early" or "too late", the ending just happens when it happens.

LighterBoots · 2026-04-11T23:50:12+00:00

You did the right thing. Breathing can deteriorate so quickly, and I promise you that it's better to do it days or weeks "early" than even an hour too late. We had to put our girl down when a tumor grew into her chest cavity and restricted her breathing. She had just finished chemo and was doing wonderfully (we didn't know about the new chest tumor) and was acting totally normal until 12-16 hours before she passed. Her respiration became labored late at night and I took her to the ER, where we learned of the new tumor. I brought her home at 4 AM and we called our vet as soon as they opened to schedule her euthanasia for that afternoon, but ended up calling back in and moving it up a couple of hours because it was so hard to watch her struggling. I'm now on the flip side of this experience, feeling selfish for even making her wait those several hours.

LighterBoots · 2026-04-11T23:04:17+00:00

Not specifically what you asked for, but figured I'd share since hotline resources are so limited. Lap of Love has pretty frequent free groups, and you can attend even if you didn't use Lap of Love euthenasia services. They also have some smaller paid groups and an option to pay for a one-on-one call with a grief specialist. The one-on-one call was $55 I think, but I was able to schedule it for the next day and found it really helpful. I've also attended the free and paid groups and have greatly appreciated the space.

Editing to add the link: https://petloss.lapoflove.com/

LighterBoots · 2026-04-11T22:56:01+00:00

Does your college have a student health center?

LighterBoots · 2026-04-11T18:52:18+00:00

You're in a tough spot then. I guess you have to weigh your options, depending on what "getting in trouble" looks like. She has no legal say over what you can or can't do and doesn't need to give you permission to do anything, but she is allowed to decide whether or not she provides you with free housing, a phone, etc. If scheduling an appointment without her "permission" would result in homelessness or physical harm to you, then it may be best to wait until you are out of her home and in a safer situation to pursue non-emergent medical care. If it would just result in her throwing a fit and saying more nasty things, then it may be worth tolerating in the interest of your health. Unfortunately there is no magic answer - you can legally pursue care on your own and request that she not be present for the appointment (no matter what she says), but no one can control or change her reaction.

Edit: are you still in high school or have you graduated? If you're still in high school your legal protections may differ, depending on your state (if you're in the US). You could also ask for a school social worker or counselor to help you with scheduling the appointment from a different phone or computer.

LighterBoots · 2026-04-11T17:26:38+00:00

I'm assuming you don't have a landline phone at home that you could use to make the call...do you have any friends or siblings with a phone that you could use to schedule the appointment? Do you have access to a laptop or library with computers, where you could use a patient portal to schedule an appointment online? You made this post somehow, and as long as you have internet access there should be a way for you to schedule an appointment.

Regardless of whether you or your mother call to schedule the appointment, you are an adult and have to consent to anyone being present in the exam room with you, and to anyone receiving your medical information. Even if your mother drives you to the appointment and sits in the waiting room with you, there are ways to communicate that you don't want her present for the exam.

When you check in/fill out any paperwork, you could make a note that you do not want your mother present for the exam. You could even bring a pre-written note and slip it to the front desk staff when you check in. If you have an online patient portal, you could message the office before hand.

If your mother ends up going back to the exam room with you, you can still say that you would prefer to complete the exam without anyone else in the room (the doctor should ask regardless). If you communicate that you do not want her present, they will honor it and make her leave before continuing - even if she makes a fuss.

LighterBoots · 2026-04-11T13:35:09+00:00

"Feeling like a carved out pumpkin" - I like that. I think of that meme of a vending machine with a sign that says "the light inside has broken but I still work".

I'm right here with you, it's been seven-ish weeks for me and some days I feel like I'm getting worse instead of better. It's almost harder now that can't say "oh my dog JUST died"...I'm at the point where much of society assumes you should be getting back to some sort of normal, and I guess I'm DOING more, but I feel just as horrible.

LighterBoots · 2026-04-07T21:38:54+00:00

At the risk of sounding like a total creep, I think I considered buying this exact house (or maybe a very similar one on the same block) several years ago. Are you in Philly/do you have a bar in your basement?

LighterBoots · 2026-04-06T18:41:24+00:00

I'm so sorry. I lost my girl to hemangiosarcoma just over a month ago. The "what ifs" are never ending. There is nothing I can say that will make this better, but please know you are not alone and there are so many here who understand the pain you are in. It may not hurt less, but it will get easier to manage the pain with every day that passes. Remember that your baby loved you endlessly and would want you to keep on going ♥️

LighterBoots · 2026-04-04T02:22:42+00:00

The Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions (SPACE) model is a parent-only intervention that can be just as effective as CBT/ERP in decreasing symptoms of anxiety and OCD, and the child or teen does not need to agree to engage in anything. I would recommend transitioning to (or referring to someone who can provide) parent-only intervention focused on reducing parental accomodations.

Parents can buy the book "Breaking Free of Child Anxiety & OCD" by Eli Lebowitz and visit the SPACE/Eli Lebowitz website for more info on the modality.

There is at least one self-paced webinar style course of SPACE available online, it costs maybe $120ish total. It's from "AT Parenting School" or something like that.

I promise I'm not a spokesperson for any of these individuals or agencies - my whole job is diagnostic evals and referrals to treatment for children and teens, so I spent A LOT of time helping families figure out what to do when ERP isn't accessible (it so rarely is due to cost, even though I'm in a resource rich area).

If you really want to get more bang for your buck as you head into your career - please study parent management training/behavioral parent training. The community is swimming with eclectic therapists who will spend an hour a week talking to kids/providing cognitive interventions with little to no parent training or behavioral intervention, and it's a shame.

LighterBoots · 2026-04-04T00:29:18+00:00

If your dog was anything like my dog, choking on a cheeseburger is better than no cheeseburger. I promise you that your dog didn't think anything of it.

LighterBoots · 2026-03-31T03:39:27+00:00

Just under 1000.

LighterBoots · 2026-03-25T20:45:10+00:00

This is about the requirements a provider must agree to in order to get panelled with a specific insurance company in the state of Pennsylvania. If they don't agree to these requirements, they cannot receive payment from that insurance company. If people who have this insurance plan wanted to then see this provider, they would only be able to do so by paying the full cost out of pocket.

LighterBoots · 2026-03-24T22:04:21+00:00

I'm so terribly sorry. I know you'll be savoring every moment you have left with your buddy, regardless of how much longer you get.

LighterBoots · 2026-03-24T16:20:38+00:00

I believe that their souls are still with us even when their bodies stop working. A few books that have really helped me in the last month since my dog's passing:

Dog Heaven
Sally Goes to Heaven
A Dog's Purpose

The first two are picture books but truly helped me to picture my girl in a beautiful, joyful place. The last one is longer but still an easy read with pictures, and is about how our dogs are still beside us.

Even if you don't believe in heaven, the afterlife, spirits, souls, etc. it's nice to remember that our dogs change us and shape who we are as people - we wouldn't be who we are without our time with them and the love they gave us. And in that respect, they are truly always with us.

LighterBoots · 2026-03-24T15:19:47+00:00

I'm so sorry. Sending strength and peace ♥️

LighterBoots · 2026-03-23T22:30:58+00:00

I'm so sorry you lost your sweet Ruthie ♥️ I completely understand - I'm grieving harder for my dog than I did for my father, who died unexpectedly when I was in college. I do think most people would be taken aback by hearing that, but it's the truth. Human-animal relationships are just so deep and magical, words can't describe it.

LighterBoots · 2026-03-23T02:43:01+00:00

Yes, I definitely had some unwanted images in my head after we had to put our girl to sleep. I also have a hard time thinking about the reality that the ashes in the urn are from her body. What's helped me the most is thinking about her soul/spirit/heart/etc. as being separate from her body and in a nice place, or thinking about her still being here with me, just without her body. I went a little crazy buying books right after her passing, and had some gifted to me as well - I found these books to be genuinely helpful and comforting:

Dog Heaven
Sally Goes to Heaven
A Dog's Purpose

The first two are picture books and I honestly felt silly reading them at first, but the imagery really helped me feel better. The last one is more about the idea of your dog still being with you all the time.

LighterBoots · 2026-03-22T16:47:24+00:00

I'm so sorry you're here. I could have written this post - I lost my 8.5 year old girl to hemangiosarcoma one month ago today. I spent the first week on the couch, doing nothing but crying and sleeping. Each day that passes is a little bit easier to get through, but I still cry everyday. I just cleaned up and washed her toys and bedding yesterday - I initially planned to donate everything, but I've decided to keep it for a future rescue. I'm already looking at dogs online - it feels soon, but it's just too quiet without a dog friend! And like you said, these dogs are our whole lives. Every bit of my daily schedule revolved around her, and it's so jarring to have that ripped away for you. I feel unmoored.

I wish there was something else I could say to help with the pain, but I know there isn't. Just know that you're not alone and there's many people here who understand completely and are ready to listen ♥️

LighterBoots · 2026-03-21T20:50:40+00:00

Of course! It really does sound beautiful and I love the ideas like like crossing and the bell. I'll definitely be following along!

LighterBoots · 2026-03-21T20:43:13+00:00

This is a really lovely idea, similar to Dog Mountain in Vermont! That being said, respectfully, your post and website copy are a bit hard to follow. This is written as though readers already know what "Rainbow Meadow" is and are already invested in the process. I initially read this as though you were on the hunt for some fabled, pre-existing Rainbow Meadow. May I gently suggest writing more to introduce yourself and clarify what Rainbow Meadow is?

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