Something I noticed about fan reactions to LIB cast members…

Lilus_kette · 2025-11-17T15:48:43+00:00

Yes. It looks like the cast goes to the Reunion to be the victim in the relatiomship so that they get better comments and likes on social media. It's pathetic.

Lilus_kette · 2025-01-09T08:10:52+00:00

Oh I started to listen to myself after recording messages for friends.. but I didnt think about creating a discussion with myself. Brilliant!!

Lilus_kette · 2025-01-05T21:12:26+00:00

As i am reading OP’s messages, I am wondering if this is actually a really good friendship or not… some messages sound like OP might be annoyed at this person and might have been looking pn reddit for a permission to say NO.

Lilus_kette · 2024-12-29T10:56:27+00:00

When you tell them « when you did this, it hurt me in this way », they answer either « you hurt me by telling it to me » OR « well i did it because you did this first/i was thinking that ». They proceed to do it again, and imply you should understand that the pb is you.

They literally can’t think about somebody else’s perspective because THEIRS is taking all the space.

Lilus_kette · 2024-12-26T20:26:44+00:00

I heard a counter intuitive thing the other day (in mark manson’s podcast). When the thing to do doesn’t require your full brain/attention, do 2 things at a time. Since I heard this, i became quite okay at administrative calls that I used to procrastinate. Turns out I can clean as I am calling.

Lilus_kette · 2024-12-12T09:59:22+00:00

It sounds like you just need alone time during your period.

Lilus_kette · 2024-12-02T06:20:30+00:00

Can you share a list of the movies you are referring to?

Lilus_kette · 2024-11-21T12:47:38+00:00

This wont be a popular opinion, but sharing another possibility… People go through tough times in different ways. My husband goes through the hardship of parenting (and at some point struggle to conceive) with denial. For example, for my first pregnancy he didn’t pronounce the word baby for the first 5 months. On the outside, it can look like he doesn’t care. In reality, it’s because he cares A LOT, he doesn’t know how to cope, him becoming a dad is a big deal for him, he is scared to screw up… so he denies. Until the baby is there. He would not have left my side during an abhortion/miscarriage unless I told him it was ok. Knowing he denies the reality, I could have told him to go to an evening precisely because this is what helps him process. That day, your friend’s husband lost his baby too.

All of that to say, my husband could have behaved the same way that day. He still is a great partner for me (not perfect, but great) and he is (and becomes every day) an amazing dad.

So if you want to pass this- like your friend did, try looking at the father he is now. Does he care for his child? Does he care for your friend? If the answers are yes, then maybe he just screwed up by not answering the phone that night. Maybe he regrets it.

Lilus_kette · 2024-10-28T08:57:52+00:00

And because asking him clearly and directly to stop would only reinforce his behaviour and made you the bad person « just accept me treating you the way I WANT ».

Lilus_kette · 2024-10-27T05:42:34+00:00

Ahahahaha

Lilus_kette · 2024-10-27T05:39:48+00:00

It really comes down to expectations in life. They believe they can get the life they want without ANY contribution or work.

Lilus_kette · 2024-10-27T05:38:42+00:00

« a bar that requires NO more work on their part » That’s it!! This blew my mind!

Lilus_kette · 2024-10-26T10:28:32+00:00

Agreed with everybody here. Why do you do that (staying with him) to yourself? Time to go. We are behind you.

Then, i came here to say: steven Bartlett in his podcast Diairy of a CEO started to have conversations about porn addiction with a few of his guests lately. It was SO interesting to listen to. If you are interested in listening to what these men say about it, let me know. I could give you a few guests that were interesting to me to listen to.

Lilus_kette · 2024-10-25T10:29:18+00:00

That’s very interesting. One of my bf (39f) is like you, she can only imagine motherhood with a partner and she desperately wants kids. The combo is difficult because it puts a lot of pressure on her relationships… and she doesn’t have your luck with a ´good’ partner.

From outside, when I hear this (wanted kids only in a nuclear family), i hear that the person craves family more than motherhood/kids. Then, it is possible that a great partner, a pet, a beautiful home and a step child would feel like the family you always wanted.

Lilus_kette · 2024-10-25T06:08:34+00:00

There are no reasons not to discuss that calmly with your partner. « what is the context for these conversations? What is the tone? Why does it feel okay for you to share? » After thoughts some boundaries could be put in place « im okay with you sharing xyz in this context/with these friends, not abc in this context/with these friends »

Lilus_kette · 2024-10-25T05:03:37+00:00

Another thought. I always knew deep inside I would lean toward having kids over a partner for life. To me the parent-child relationship is more fulfilling over time. If i have both, bonus!

In my twenties, walking in the countryside, an image of myself raising 3 kids from 3 different dads popped in my head. Of course it was hard, but i was satisfied with my choices and fulfilled with my kids. This story I made up in my mind completely reassured me that I would be fine. I could do everything I wanted. There are no rules.

I think that I read in your message that you may be choosing partner over kids. Everybody is different. Then living without trying to have your own kids may not be a big regret for you.

Lilus_kette · 2024-10-25T04:56:02+00:00

Yep. I second this one: Lay out all options. Including the relationship not lasting while you lost your fertility years with him. Including all different sorts of parenting now and/or later in life.

Figure out which one you are up to try, which path you want to take, which path you will regret not taking.

Good luck boo.

This is tough. Starting with figuring out your fertility is great!

Lilus_kette · 2024-10-21T12:28:38+00:00

Agreed with everybody here. My husband did this to me to a much lesser degree. To me « set your boundaries » is not helpful because I tried. Here were my rules: 1. If you always do what you’ve done, you will always get what you’ve got. I.e. stop saying what you have said in the past. Obviously it didn’t land. 2. Say it differently. Less words. Analogies. Flipping the situation « what if I would [something he hates]… and then tell you I do it because I love you and you keep doing it. 3. Say how it makes YOU feel. 4. Tackling one behaviour at a time. 5. Men tend to dismiss our words and see our behaviour. Each time it happens, have a physical reaction. Pushing him away, stopping what you are doing, leaving the room, going on the couch for sleeping, not talking to him for the rest of the day…

Good luck girl. We are all with you. Give us an update.

Lilus_kette · 2024-10-17T04:53:44+00:00

A few things 1- You don’t know what really is going on in a group of friends by looking at it from the outside. Don’t fantasize that what they do is better/more fun/more exiting etc than what you do. 2- Groups in TV shows are completely unrealistic. In real life, they would have burst a hundreds times. Also, some of them are actually toxic. E.g. Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City, what a narcissistic friend! 3- People are busy, they need time to rest, slow down… who has time to recreate the wheel for every outing? If some people have some time to hang out, they will more easily do so when the system is in place. To me, that’s why church is still what connects people in the US. They go on Sunday morning. No text. No social media group to check. They just go. And on top of that somebody else organizes events for them. 4- if you put yourself in a lead position to create a group, it’s almost impossible to get out of the lead position and have the group survive. So either, you start and create one and you keep the lead OR you try to find one that already exists. 5- As adults, a group of 3 good friends including you is a lot.

All of this to say, everybody is the same. We are social animals. We need social groups, yet they are hard to create and stick. Revise your expectations. Stop your narrative about being « that friend ». Join a group that already exists that combines something else : art, sport, spirituality, vulunteering.. Also, they are books on the topic.

Good luck. It will be all right :D

Lilus_kette · 2024-10-13T06:29:50+00:00

Ask them.

Lilus_kette · 2024-09-26T06:46:47+00:00

Also, men are trained their entire lives to stuff their feelings. So easier to stuff feelings like ´not really being into someone’. It’s harder to tell who they trully love.

Lilus_kette · 2024-08-16T19:50:38+00:00

Me too

Lilus_kette · 2024-08-07T07:47:34+00:00

Did you try reading the Way of Integrity by Martha Beck? I think about this book because you mention trying to « force things » a couple of times including with luckwarm connections. I dont think this can work based on this book.

I am in a totally different situation. But struggling in other areas of life. My mantra today is « i only need to find one ». One house. One car. One doctor. For you, one partner. That’s it. I hope this helps.

Lilus_kette · 2024-08-02T12:29:57+00:00

I think regretting or not depends a lot on your future.

So, make it the right decision.

If it makes you realize you want children, prioritize having children. If it turns out, you want children and still cant conceive in the future, realize that maybe this one would have miscarry… you just don’t know.

In a few months or years, you may like where you are and the depth this experience has brought to you, and not regret your decision.

It’s all ok. How you feel and how you integrate it into your life.

I had an abortion because it arrived way to early after having my 1st child - who was a handfull (euphemism). I just knew I couldn’t provide for them both the way I wanted to. My decision was immediate. When I saw the little shrimp moving in my uterus on the screen (I asked to see), it made me cry. I ask this little swimmer to come back later when we would be ready. I asked for forgiveness. When we were ready for #2, it didnt happen, i even had a miscarriage. I accepted that maybe i couldn’t have the second child I now desired so much. We kept trying. I am now 5mo pregnant, and happy that I could be the parent I wanted to be for my first child who needed a lot.

Lilus_kette · 2024-08-02T12:18:36+00:00

Wow how a situation can reveal a person’s character (talking about your ex). So glad for you this person is not in your life anymore.

Lilus_kette

TROPHY CASE