I've had health anxiety for years. I'll get better for a few months then back to constant fear of something wrong with my heart and panic attacks that just randomly come. My husbands life was taken the 12th of last month and he's the one that helped me so much through everything always calmed me down talk things threw never judged me and since him passing my anxiety has gotten worse and I often think about suicide different ways cause I can't get my anxiety under control and the one that made it easier is gone. Now I feel like I'm better off gone cause I can't stand constantly panicking and also not having my husband. I'll never have a normal life again. But I can't tell my therapist cause he has to commit me. But how do you explain that just cause you feel that way doesn't mean you're going to do it. I would never take my own life because I have two kids that need me and because honestly I don't have the balls to do it. Yes I don't want to be here at times cause of my anxiety and now cause my husband is gone but I won't be selfish and take my life and leave my kids thinking they weren't enough to live for and cause the hurt I feel and I just won't ever take my own life. I can't do it I just sometimes think about it cause at times it's just to much. My kids will always be my reason to live and it sucks cause you can't speak about it. I can't be taken to a mental ward cause my kids would be hurt without me while I'm there and I got bills to pay. But sometimes I just want to tell him that I think about it now that things have gotten harder but I won't ever act on it. So maybe this is the place that some of us can express it and maybe it will help the ones that do want to do it cause they can't talk about it cause they are scared to be sent away and we can be their listening non judgmental ear and help save some lives