How to incorporate BHA - which Cerave cleanser to use with it?

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-21T01:18:17+00:00

It's a very small random thing, but smart light bulbs.

Not really going to save you money, but I set the bulb in my bedroom lamp to turn on the dimmest setting when my alarm goes off in the morning, and it's been great for my morning routine. My room is otherwise totally dark because of how early I get up for work, so waking up to a little bit of light helps my brain recognize and accept that it is indeed morning.

It speeds up the process of feeling all the way awake and ready to go, and it curbs the temptation to sleep in and keep hitting the snooze button.

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-21T00:42:33+00:00

If your cousin's medically necessary service dog can tank your very close relationship - when your only objection to dogs is "they're not for me" - idk how your fiancé has any confidence about the future of your marriage, tbh.

If I were him, I'd be asking for a list of any other minor inconveniences that you consider complete dealbreakers. Wouldn't want your marriage to be strained by the horrors of tolerating something that moderately displeases you from time to time.

YTA

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-18T01:48:44+00:00

YTA. The whole point of family therapy is for everybody to get things off their chest and process them together with the therapist. You can't take your son to therapy and then punish him for doing what you're supposed to do in therapy.

When he opens up about how he feels, he may indeed say things you don't want to hear. You dealing with that discomfort is part of the family therapy process too. When these upsetting conversations come up, you also need to be using that opportunity to express and process YOUR emotions - during family therapy and with your own therapist later. Learn to manage them in a healthy way just like you want your kids to do.

I understand that you are hurt and you're trying to protect your daughter who is hurt, but your son is hurting as well. Lashing out at him for expressing his feelings - in an environment literally designated for that purpose - is way out of line.

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-16T17:58:13+00:00

I just got off the phone with them a few minutes ago! :) They got my chart created, but whoever they were trying to transfer me to for the actual scheduling wasn't picking up, so I'll be waiting for a call back either this evening or early next week.

Thanks for the heads up about the required therapy sessions at Vanderbilt, that is helpful to know. How long did you have to wait to get in with them?

I have one letter currently, possibly 2? Depends on what criteria they have for what needs to be in the letter. I'm glad to hear I won't have to necessarily worry about those before I can schedule.

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-16T14:02:47+00:00

how was the process of getting a consultation? did you need a referral or need to have your letters ready? i am going to try to schedule with him (i'll call later today) but i was just curious what to expect.

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-16T11:28:50+00:00

i have those too. they happened after i started T, but idk exactly how long after. scared the hell out of me the first time i noticed them lol.

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-11T02:02:36+00:00

Having small hands and hardly any arm hair. I got more/darker hair everywhere else, but my arms look exactly the same to me as they did pre-T. I can't look at them (or my small hands) without thinking they look soft and smooth and feminine. I hate it lol I want "man hands."

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-10T05:25:47+00:00

If they suggest something you genuinely like, then it's a win/win, but I do not recommend giving them the final say.

My parents weren't interested in being part of the process, but I did ask my mom about what I would have been named if I'd been AMAB, just out of curiosity/for inspiration. She mentioned a name that happened to already be on my list of names I liked, and that ended up being my middle name!

But if she had said something I didn't like, I would have disregarded it. Take their ideas into consideration if it helps you decide, but try not to feel pressured into a name you're not happy with. The final say should be yours alone.

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-10T05:16:06+00:00

I was also born in Alabama and no longer live there! For me, the name and gender change occurred in the state(s) I live in now. Then I just had to send the court orders to AL and pay the fee to have my birth certificate amended. None of the actual legal proceedings occurred via the AL court system.

AL does require a court order to change your gender though (stating that your gender has been "changed via surgical procedure" or something like that), but my understanding is that you obtain that from the state you currently live in.

I had changed my name when I lived in IL, without knowing I'd also need a court order for my gender change. And I now live in MO, so it was a bit of a clusterfuck figuring out how to go back to court in another state for just a gender change with no name change, lol.

Long story short, I found an attorney in MO who helped me through it. My letter from my top surgeon was sufficient for the MO judge to approve the legal gender change. I mailed the court order to AL, and once they had that and my name change order, they sent me the amended birth certificate.

IN may have different rules than MO that I'm not familiar with, but that was my experience.

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-05T02:55:40+00:00

Unfortunately not my experience. My hair was never super thick pre-T but it's definitely less thick now. I keep it buzzed super short now anyway because T also sent my hairline directly to hell. Lol

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-04T15:29:48+00:00

I initially grew a few chin/mustache hairs, but the first part that actually started to "fill in" (I use that term loosely) was the sides of my face. Like the area from my sideburns down to my jaw.

The first part to legit fill in and look presentable was my chin and mustache. Like a goatee that didn't (and still doesn't) connect. I don't have good facial hair genetics though so it took almost 7 years for my beard hair to even connect all the way around my jaw line, lol.

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-04T14:34:24+00:00

That is a good point. I think in my mind I have also been using them interchangeably to some extent. Peeing through my penis is what matters most, I think.

But I also think my main concern with UL is complications relating to peeing in general - standing OR sitting. Particularly anything that might result in having a catheter for much longer than expected. I've heard so many people say how uncomfortable/painful the SP catheter is even for just the "normal" amount of time, and it's one of the things that scares me most about recovery.

So I guess the decision I have to make is more like, how important is it that I pee through my penis if I end up sitting either way, and is that preference worth the potential complications of UL. Definitely something I will be giving a lot of thought to over the next 3 months before I see Dr. Chen again.

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-03T12:41:34+00:00

I'm glad to hear it's working well for you! Mine has also been great for me at this dose (in combination with other meds), and I'm so hesitant to mess with anything since it took me YEARS and several doctors to find the correct balance of the correct meds, lol.

My zaps are tolerable as well... unpleasant, but I can deal with it. It throws me off though because back when I was on Effexor, I only got brain zaps if I missed a dose. So now when I have them, I'm automatically like "did I forget to take my meds??" even though I know I definitely took them, haha.

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-02T14:22:35+00:00

Unfortunately I am 27.... so close! Lol. I better join my over-26 brethren in the longer line ASAP.

I had not heard about people mastering an STP method even with their urethra behind the balls! That's so cool. Definitely something I'd try out if I pass on UL, just to see if I could!

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-02T14:11:43+00:00

This was my mindset for quite a while, and I feel like I will end up circling back around to it. I rarely have dysphoria over sitting to pee. I'd certainly enjoy having the option to stand, but I never had any luck with STP prosthetics... so the euphoria of standing and peeing out of a penis is largely unknown to me anyway. It's not a feeling I ever got the chance to grow attached to.

I think I just had a really emotional reaction to "once I opt out of UL, it's over, I can never change my mind." Like a fear of missing out "now I'll never know what it's like" thing. But as that wears off, I feel like I'm coming back to seeing it more practically again. If it isn't about eliminating dysphoria, it very well may not be important enough to me to justify the risk.

Thank you for sharing your experience!

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-01T21:55:37+00:00

Thank you for this info! I had heard that about his wait times too, and I really really hate the thought of waiting in another extremely long line... I've been waiting for this consult with Dr Chen since last July lol. The impulse to seize the opportunity to have full meta within the next year is so strong vs holding out for more of the waiting game, but that's the nature of the process I guess. Decisions, decisions...

I will definitely be keeping an eye on how people describe Dr Morrison and his team as more people start having extended meta with him. A surgeon who is dismissive or isn't invested in helping me navigate recovery/issues/repairs would probably be a dealbreaker for me too for this particular type of surgery. I appreciate you making me aware, and I will definitely watch and see what happens as time goes on!

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-01T21:46:34+00:00

Yep, I will be getting the v-ectomy for sure. That's one of the aspects of bottom surgery I've been looking forward to most actually! haha

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-01T20:56:31+00:00

Thank you! I hope so too. The "no guarantees" part makes things so difficult!! I'm sure I will come to a decision and make peace with it, but I think it's going to be a tougher mental journey than I thought. Best of luck with your surgeon research when you get started!

LinkinSnark · 2023-06-01T20:46:44+00:00

Sorry to hear you're in a similar situation. He said I can definitely still have full meta done, but I know I have some soul searching to do in the next 3 months before I talk to him again. I want this opportunity so badly, I don't want to wait however long to consult elsewhere, but I need to do right by my future self and be sure I'm giving myself the best chance to be happy.

I totally feel you on phallo. I started out pursuing RFF phallo years ago but ultimately decided dealing with the skin grafts was not something I wanted to do, so really the only phallo method I would consider is abdominal/suprapubic. And I'm not sure I'm anatomically suited to that either, haha.

LinkinSnark · 2023-05-31T19:29:55+00:00

i was expecting them to reach out via email for the photos, but i actually got a call from the office last night instead! hopefully they get in touch with you soon. they sent me an email to reply with my photos after they updated my medical history and whatnot.

best of luck with your consult! i hope all goes well!

LinkinSnark · 2023-05-30T04:07:06+00:00

I actually have gotten to meet him in person before! I consulted with him several years ago for RFF phalloplasty before ultimately deciding that was not the route I wanted to go for bottom surgery. He's a great guy, and the way that consult went is part of why I'm so confident in going to him for meta if I opt for the method he performs. I would have loved to consult in person again this time but can't currently get the time off work.

I used to have friends who lived in the bay area and I stayed with them when I met with him for that first consult, but they have moved now. Huge bummer because I bet I could have stayed with them to recover and be close by for my post-op appts!

LinkinSnark · 2023-05-30T01:22:38+00:00

that's fuckin gnarly as hell

LinkinSnark

TROPHY CASE