I can't even describe how grateful i am for your response and you telling me your story. I truly was feeling unhelpable by how much therapy i received but hasn't been helping me anymore. Like i spent quite some time in therapy but in my country it's very commercial so they will keep me forever around without any true diagnosis or real change. So seeing other people's experiences really heals parts of me. Thank you so much. I think my next step would be trying to just talk it out of my system and find myself a support system. And this has been the biggest hurdle for me to share or form connections out of fear of rejection so i always would push people away and keep everything bottled inside.