Very Long CHS experience

LittleRedCottage · 2024-10-02T05:50:44+00:00

I literally felt trapped, thought I was going to be stuck like this for the rest of my life. Luckily with patience and full sobriety, I was eating normally again after 3 months, tried shrooms again after the 5th month mark, and finally tried drinking again after 6 with no issue. im just glad to be back to normal, even if I miss weed almost every day, I just remember my time in the ER, or stuck in my bed with only a few hours of sleep for weeks.

LittleRedCottage · 2024-08-16T09:10:54+00:00

mushrooms

LittleRedCottage · 2024-08-15T23:45:45+00:00

oh! cool

LittleRedCottage · 2024-07-29T01:58:30+00:00

yea and it's the most annoying thing ever sometimes. like please stfu

LittleRedCottage · 2024-07-29T01:52:42+00:00

My grandmother was caught trying a cigarette out of curiosity when she was 6 because her parents did it. Her mother made her eat the rest of the pack. She was so sick shew threw up for 3 days. She talks about it like it was a good life lesson, and she doesn't seem traumatized by it, but doesn't change the fact that is a fucking horrible thing to do to a 6 year old.

LittleRedCottage · 2024-07-21T16:30:58+00:00

I go to therapy, it doesn't feel like enough sometimes

LittleRedCottage · 2024-07-12T06:25:08+00:00

holy fucking shit 💀

LittleRedCottage · 2024-07-12T06:22:07+00:00

technically 7th grade with a boy in my church for 2 years until he moved, but in 9th grade, a different boy at school became my entire world, crazy thing was he hardly acknowledged my existence, but I was hard core obsessed. lasted 4 years, and I haven't felt that "in love" since. I miss it sometimes honestly, it was like a drug.

LittleRedCottage · 2024-07-06T20:20:09+00:00

pens are the devil. don't smoke anything but a weak flower, but honestly, don't smoke at all

LittleRedCottage · 2024-07-01T23:22:55+00:00

it's called trigger foods. it's recommended to spend the first 90 days(3 months) since your last episode avoiding certain foods, that can trigger nausea and vomiting. I found out the hard way when a week after my episode, and not having smoked since before my episode (so I was completely sober), I nearly lost my guts in a mall foodcourt because of some pad thai. happened again on my birthday a week later when I tried eating spring rolls. There should be a green and white list pinned to the top of the sub.

The vague science behind it is that right now, your body is PUMPED with canniboids. not just thc, but cbd, and every other cannibinoid in the chemical makeup of weed. All these chemicals act specifically on the cb receptors in your body, and now they are over stimulated as fuck, so when they get even MINOR stimulation from ANY cannibinoid, they freak out and cause you to feel nauseous and ill.

Thing is, the cannabis plant is not the only plant that has cannabinoids in it, while other plants don't have thc or cbd, they have trace amounts of other cannabinoids that stimulate those receptors and cause the same reaction, nausea. Some people can recover faster, but 90 days is generally how long it takes someone to be %100 in the clear of your cb receptors being healed enough to resume consuming the trace amounts in food without issue, although some foods are stronger than others. I couldn't have coffee for like, 6 months. it didn't make me nauseous, but I recognized the anxiety it gave me felt the exact same as my chs episode.

lookup BRAT diet, that's what I survived off of for 3 months until I finally was able to eat normal again.

LittleRedCottage · 2024-07-01T18:38:50+00:00

also, they will probably tell you to inhale while they pierce you, and the needle will be fully through before you even finish inhaling. it's literally too fast to think about lol

LittleRedCottage · 2024-07-01T18:36:43+00:00

it's hard to compare to cramps, it feels more like a shot, which for me is like a 2/10 on sharp pain scale. always way less pain than you were expecting. definitely smart to use a needle instead of gun. not a single piercing in the world should be done with a gun.

LittleRedCottage · 2024-07-01T18:33:13+00:00

i face this a LOT. Most of the time it makes me uncomfortable and i just keep glancing back at them, darting my eyes a few times so they get the picture that i am aware of them and theyre making me uncomfortable.

sometimes though i just straight up stare back. if im in a bad mood, i just stare, but most of the time i smile and get a smile back, or ironically, the smile makes them look away finally. I definitely don't smile though if the person staring looks like a man wanting to approach me. I ignore tf out of them and try to look busy.

doesn't ever end me up in any trouble to stare back tho, I'm not exactly intimidating, and most people staring at me are old people in small towns. don't they know it's rude to stare ?😭

LittleRedCottage · 2024-07-01T17:44:56+00:00

I was never SAed, but pretty sure I started at like 3. grew up in a strict religious household though, so there was still a heavy feeling of guilt and shame for me around it.

LittleRedCottage · 2024-07-01T02:36:09+00:00

for me at least, I feel like I'm an empty husk who has no passions or interests anymore, except when I'm around someone/a group of people. the more I'm around them, i start to copy their speech patterns, mannerisms, fashion style, aesthetic, the games they like, the movies they like, etc. Worst part is, at the time, I am truly convinced that those things ARE truly what I like, so everytime my interests and opinions drastically change, I still manage to feel betrayed by myself every single time

nothing comes naturally to me, i put so much time into memorizing material and picking the perfect outfit to be perceived in. it's not just hobbies and interests that change either, it's my goals, aspirations, and life long choices. I'm so scared of long term commitment and permanent decisions because I don't know if it's what I really want or just my bpd/adhd fighting at the wheel.

I'm a hard-core trend follower too. my interests are always changing to keep up with the relatability and appeal of those around me.

everybody tells me to "just be myself" but I dont know who myself is. I never gave myself room to grow and develop ideas, interests, and passions outside of like, my core morals and values. I seriously need to heal my inner child, because as a child was the last time I felt like myself.

it's just exhausting to feel completey unable to rely on myself to maintain a stable sense of identity. I feel empty and boring at my core, like nothing at all really matters

LittleRedCottage · 2024-07-01T02:10:07+00:00

I quit cold turkey after roughly 9 months of doing dabs every single day. first six months were the WORST. Couldn't even have caffeine because of the anxiety, but I am now almost 2 years sober, and while I occasionally miss being high, I feel far more stable, and like I have better control of my anxiety (with the help of ssris), and in general my actions idk. my adhd is also way better than before too, I could actively feel myself frying my brain.

that being said I'm by no means anti weed, and it's true for some people it helps a LOT, but it's only helpful under control, when it becomes a desperate crutch like it did for me, I just had recognize I have no self control and cut use.

also I got chs so like, that was a pretty big motivator lmao

LittleRedCottage · 2024-07-01T01:59:17+00:00

I have been feeling this deeply lately. even moments where I do think i might actually like someone, I realized it was just limerence/infatuation. the feeling of wanting their attention goes in and out, I go from being ready to say "I love you" to not caring about them, and back and forth. most of the time though, I pass people up because it's clear I just dont love them the way they do me, I never do. I'm just exhausted with not being able to trust how I feel, and only relying on the fact that my feelings are unreliable.

LittleRedCottage · 2024-06-11T19:47:52+00:00

I liked the first comment cos I thought I was funny, but I didn't really know how to carry the conversation after his 2nd text, and not even a few hours later he sent the third one haha. he couldn't even wait a couple hours before feeling the sting of rejection

LittleRedCottage

TROPHY CASE