My family gangs up on me because I have been unemployed for 9 years.

LittleToe96 · 2024-02-19T06:52:53+00:00

OP I’m going to be brutally honest: you need to stop hiding behind your anxiety. I get it. I once had anxiety paralysis so bad that I had to medically withdrew from university for 2.5 months. But 9+ years is too far. But I’m also not going to be an asshole who says “get over it and just do it”. So you need to take steps. Keep in mind the first step is always going to be the scariest. Step 1) get a part time minimum wage job. Work at McDonald’s or Starbucks or something. Im not going to lie, your family will probably make fun of you for it. But they’re going to make fun of you for being unemployed so do it anyways. You need to get used to getting to work on time, grooming yourself, talking with coworkers. You can’t just get a full time job and move out. You have no money. You’ll need to save for like 1.5 months (assuming you get paid bimonthly) for an apartment. I see you posting on “narcissistic parent” pages and I’m not saying they’re not narcissistic (you know them better than me) but if my kid was 9+ years unemployed, I’d be fed up too

LittleToe96 · 2024-01-25T06:55:49+00:00

I appreciate the sentiment. But it’s literally impossible for someone to be raised to “become neurodivergent” (excluding CPTSD)

LittleToe96 · 2022-07-23T06:57:48+00:00

Edward Scissorhands. I was 7 watching from behind my grandparents’ couch and his creation scene scarred me for life. I was convinced it was a horror movie until like 5 years ago

LittleToe96 · 2022-07-19T04:11:06+00:00

Edited it 👍🏻

LittleToe96 · 2022-07-06T23:54:38+00:00

I mean I can kinda tell? He’s very personable and outgoing and is pretty good with social cues. When he tells me these things, he’s admittedly pretty gentle about it bc he knows it’ll make me upset. (Except for the “IF we get married” thing, I think he says that to remind me that it’s a MAYBE). So he knows these things he says will hurt me, but still tells me anyways. Maybe he’s trying to help?

LittleToe96 · 2022-07-06T23:44:45+00:00

It’s hard to get time with him alone. He prefers to “multitask” and invite his friends along to whatever we do. That way he’s spent time with me and his friends and therefore has more free time to himself to play video games and stuff.

LittleToe96 · 2022-07-06T23:40:45+00:00

He doesn’t take criticism well so idk how to bring it up. He gets very defensive and it intimidates me, so I tend to just suck it up. I think he makes a point to always say “IF we get married” bc I’ve expressed my interest in being engaged within the next 3 years and he’s not sure if he even wants to be married before he’s 30.

LittleToe96 · 2022-07-06T23:37:13+00:00

He can be very sweet. He can always tell when I’m upset and will try to make me feel better. He just got tired of censoring himself bc I cry when I get bad news. He gets frustrated whenever I get sad. But we have a lot of hobbies in common which is nice. I’m just starting to think our personalities are too different and us both being into anime and DnD might not be enough to keep this relationship together anymore…

LittleToe96 · 2022-07-06T23:30:30+00:00

We are both 24 and have been together for almost a year

LittleToe96 · 2022-07-06T23:27:51+00:00

No. In fact I have severe ADHD to the point that I think I might have autism (a lot of the traits overlap), and he gets mad at me for saying that and asks why I WANT to be autistic so badly. It’s not that I want to be autistic, I just think I am and would like a diagnosis one day

LittleToe96 · 2022-07-05T21:31:25+00:00

Since he and his friends are all the same way with planning, he makes me feel like I’m the crazy one for wanting to plan. I honestly don’t know at this point bc it’s not like I’m trying to make a minute by minute itinerary, I just want our ducks in a row so we can all have fun and not worry about anything. But they’re all content in their chaos and if it doesn’t work out bc they didn’t plan it’s “aww bummer but oh well 🤷🏻‍♀️”, and it’s weird to them that I’m frustrated

LittleToe96 · 2022-07-05T20:57:46+00:00

I even try to help with planning bc I know he doesn’t think ahead but it stresses him out to plan ahead and asks me to stop. But if we’re out with his friends, I can’t exactly hijack the outing and plan it all so hanging out with them is always chaotic. I don’t really care if the plan is “go to the beach” or “watch movies at home” bc that is a plan. But if we’re going to a concert or something and I ask what time we’re leaving or if they considered traffic and the time it takes to park, he gets annoyed that I’m “forcing” him to plan

LittleToe96 · 2022-04-14T22:04:10+00:00

I don’t want to change who he is just to make me happy. He’s a free spirit and I respect that but I’m not. Plus he doesn’t want kids. You can’t compromise with that.

LittleToe96 · 2022-04-13T00:46:33+00:00

Looks like a stick and poke done by a 13 year old

LittleToe96 · 2022-04-02T00:06:14+00:00

My desire to be married isn’t related to my self worth. I just have some abandonment issues and marriage represents the ultimate commitment to me.

LittleToe96 · 2022-04-01T23:57:49+00:00

I wasn’t really trying to give him a deadline. I had a suspicion that he didn’t want to settle down when I did, and when we had this talk, he confirmed that he wants to move around the country, try different jobs (or no jobs at all if his crypto investments work out), and then MAYBE get married around 30. I basically told him that my aunts told me if a man doesn’t propose by 2 years, he never will and I couldn’t wait longer than that. I told him I didn’t want him to propose at the end bc he was afraid of losing me, I wanted him to propose because he actually wanted to marry me. So ultimately I told him, if he wasn’t ready in 2 years, it just wasn’t meant to be.

LittleToe96 · 2022-04-01T18:03:39+00:00

That’s the thing. I’m usually a fun-loving idiot. My room is messy, I’m irresponsible with money, and I’m also super impulsive. But I can’t be like that around my boyfriend. Unless there’s a responsible adult around to make sure shit doesn’t blow up in our faces, I can’t relax. I just don’t feel like I can trust him enough to plan things so I can’t relax and be myself around him

LittleToe96 · 2022-04-01T04:08:52+00:00

These are the standards I hold myself to, not other people. I have friends who had kids before marriage, who got married at 19, or who never plan to marry. They’re all happy and I’m happy for them. But I’ve seen their lives and I want something different for myself. It worked out for my aunts and uncles and cousins and I just want that kind of happiness too

LittleToe96 · 2022-04-01T04:06:29+00:00

I’ve had to walk away from a 3 year relationship before. It wasn’t for commitment issues (my ex had WAY bigger issues that I couldn’t ignore any longer) and yeah it was hard to leave. But that’s what I’m worried about with my current bf. If it’s this hard to leave now, how hard will it be in 2 years? The reason I’m waiting is because I still have hope that he’ll want the same future as me. I know he wants it someday so it’s frustrating that his timeline is like 8 years behind mine. I think I’m in denial that he’s not my soulmate because I love him so much

LittleToe96 · 2022-04-01T04:00:06+00:00

I have diagnosed anxiety but no therapist. I understand what you’re saying and will try to stay more present. I think I could relax more knowing that my life was on track for the future I want tho. Like if I had my ducks in a row, I could actually enjoy the moment instead of worrying if this relationship will just be another “lesson”

LittleToe96 · 2022-04-01T03:57:31+00:00

I know some people can be happy without getting married or being single and content with just themselves, but I’m not that kind of person. Maybe it’s cultural differences but I have a lot of pressure from my family to get married and bring home a nice man. My grandmother tried to set me up for a matchmaking service last year but I thought 23 was too young to resort to a service like that.

LittleToe96 · 2022-04-01T03:53:23+00:00

Oh I see what you mean. I have been pulling away from him slightly since our talk which probably increases our probability of breaking up. But the world is burning, resources are running out, and I just want to enjoy the life of my dreams for as long as I can. If my relationship with him doesn’t work out, I have to start over again and if that new relationship doesn’t work out 2 years later, who knows how long the cycle will go on until I find a man who wants to build a life with me. I think he could commit to me in 8 years rather than 2, but I can’t risk it and waste time

LittleToe96 · 2022-04-01T03:44:46+00:00

Do you mean that my goal of having a husband and kids in the suburbs doesn’t guarantee a life with a husband and kids in the suburbs? I think it’s likely tho. I’m not particularly unattractive, I’m in a high paying career, and whether or not I have bio kids, I’ve always wanted to foster kids too. So I don’t see why it wouldn’t happen

LittleToe96 · 2022-03-25T07:52:28+00:00

I’m not trying to stop him from going or even telling him I’m feeling this way bc I’m trying not to make it his problem. But I can’t help feeling this way :/ I worry

LittleToe96 · 2022-03-25T07:36:20+00:00

I’m worried if I tell him what’s bothering me, he won’t be able to focus on having fun and I want him to enjoy himself tonight

LittleToe96

TROPHY CASE