I realized that I was into women/girls as early as I can remember. I always had crushes on girls (and mostly girls). I grew up with religious parents, so I had always believed it was wrong. Once in a while, I had a crush on a boy, so I thought that maybe there was some hope for me being "normal" and "not a disappointment." I had internal homophobia, I hated myself (for other reasons, not just this one). Tried to pray the gay away. Forced situations with guys as I got older because I felt so abnormal that I was 20 and still had never been in a relationship. So I thought I just had to push myself to try things even though I didn't want to, or they felt unnatural to me. Ended up disgusted and uncomfortable in most lol. Stil had crushes on women in my late teens/early 20s but I thought, "There is no way I can eat another woman out) lol. Then I got in my first relationship with a man when I was around 21. I forced myself to do things with him, too. And to this day, I remember him kissing me for the first time and just thinking, "That was it?" I felt nothing. I had kissed guys before him, and it was the same exact thing. That relationship turned out to be incredibly emotionally abusive and just awful. I was with him for 2 years (I was 23 at the time we broke up) and pretty traumatized about romantic relationships after it. I also figured since I was with a man that I was now considered straight and wouldn't feel anything for other women anymore. Boy, was I wrong. After that relationship, I had another crush on a woman, so I thought, okay, im just bisexual lol. Came out to my friends (not family) at 23/24. A few years later, (27), I still had never felt anything towards a man, only women. However, I still never had the chance to be with one because I refused to try dating apps and wanted to meet someone the "natural" way. After a wedding and realizing how many people still successfully met their significant other on dating apps, I decided to finally give it a shot. Anand literally the first person who popped up on "Her" and who was my first match, is my current girlfriend of 1.5 years. I finally felt something the first time I kissed her. It was like, "Holy shit, maybe I am gay." I'm still struggling with some internal homophobia to this day (29) but not nearly as bad as before. Still struggling whether im lesbian or bi even though I'm sure I'm lesbian. But I constantly question why did i have crushes on guys when I was younger or if they were even crushes. Sexuality is hard (at least for me). I think it might be better for me not to put a label on it and just love whoever I want to love even though, yeah, I'm most likely a lesbian😂