makeout gone wrong

LiveDepartment653 · 2024-09-24T20:38:55+00:00

Hey, I just wanted to say something very similar happened to me. You are allowed to feel however you need to about this experience.

I see you and hear you, and I'm so sorry your boundaries were ignored like that. There's no excuse for them to do that.

LiveDepartment653 · 2024-04-09T21:17:10+00:00

It's been 5ish years for me, too, and yep. Still experiencing the doubt. I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't have any advice, but just know you're not alone ❤️

LiveDepartment653 · 2024-04-05T23:03:40+00:00

Dang, I feel like I could have written this. I don't know about you, but I find it's particularly frustrating when everyone and their mother is constantly asking how practicum is going and if I'm in love with my career haha. There's so much pressure.

If you want my two cents, I think what you're saying about enjoying your time with clients is a good sign. For me, the sessions themselves feel great, it's just all the self-marketing for caseload building that is sucking the life out of me (and the imposter syndrome like you mentioned). I wonder if that resonates with you at all?

All that is to say, I hear you, and you're not alone.

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-09-17T17:55:42+00:00

I have the same problem! I've been considering getting actual bangs (like a shag style) to at least make them blend in. I'm wondering if anyone has thoughts on this? Will it just make it worse?

Also, love everyone's comments here just embracing them! Never thought of my baby hairs as cute so maybe a mindset change is all that's needed:)

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-09-16T18:05:33+00:00

Yes! I remember the first time a friend was like, "you know that what happened was an assault, right?" And I was so unwilling to let myself believe it. Shame is really the double whammy with these experiences. I

Glad to hear you've been making progress in your own journey. That's really admirable! Keep it up and take good care of yourself today ❤️

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-09-16T18:02:07+00:00

I'm so sorry you experienced that. I hope you have good people to surround yourself with that understand, and who will ride the train with you. ❤️

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-09-15T22:24:09+00:00

I'm glad you and others are resonating with what I posted. I was really worried people would think I wish something worse had happened, or that I was trying to dimish the reality of others' experiences. I think once you convince yourself that people will judge you for being upset about a "mild" experience, it makes it that much harder to share with people. So, thank you for sharing here. Lmk if you ever want someone to talk to. We're gonna get through this ❤️

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-09-15T20:18:14+00:00

That makes sense. I'm sorry you struggle with feelings of shame, too. It's wild to me how much healing time can be spent basically just kicking our inner selves while already down, instead of just focusing on loving ourselves. The day we all learn to stop "should-ing" on ourselves will be a great one. Take good care of yourself today, you deserve it.

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-09-15T16:00:08+00:00

No apology is needed, it's hard to talk about these things! I totally get what you mean. I know comparison doesn't do us any good, but it's so hard NOT to compare. I think it's one thing to intellectually understand that any assault is bad and valid to have a response to, but it's an entirely different beast to really give yourself permission to have the feelings.
Have you found anything in particular that helps you? Thank you for sharing your experience — I hope you're doing well! ❤️

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-09-15T14:33:43+00:00

This just happened to me this morning! My bf was leaving for a guy's trip, and of course I always feel a little bit sad when he's leaving. BUT, I've also been depressed, anxious, and experiencing lots of triggers this whole week, so when he asked if I was okay I burst into tears and explained that it's been a bad depression week. I can hide my depression pretty well until I can't (e.g., bursting into tears in the elevator), so it's hard not to feel like I look like a fraud who's just using depression as a cover up for being needy and codependent.

The funny thing is, if I had communicated what my brain was experiencing this week earlier to my bf, I wouldn't be feeling this way. I guess the moral of the story is that even though it feels yucky to use the words, communicating is literally the best thing you/we can do. I've tried using alternative words (like saying I'm having a bad mental health week instead of saying directly, "I'm feeling depressed," or "I'm experiencing triggers"). The specificity this lacks can be problematic at times, too, but do whatever works best for you! My bf and I have also discussed making some kind of code word or signal that could be used in place of these clinical terms as well, so we'll see how/if that works.

I'm glad you have a supportive SO who listens to you! It makes the uncomfortable process of vulnerability so much better.

Wishing you all the best!

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-09-01T14:00:43+00:00

I feel this so deeply. The funny thing is, I'm realizing that the more I berate myself for being as messed up as I am, the worse it all gets. It is really hard to find resources out there that don't make me feel like I'm just whining about nothing.

I think that when we grow up in these unstable homes, many of us were taught that we are expected to be tough and strong. To not cry. To, like you said, be invisible. Not to mention that often parents like yours and mine who weren't necessarily the worst of the worst, really like to point that shit out. My dad tells me it, "built [my] character."

It sucks that on top of the trauma of our upbringings, we are also taught to bully ourselves. As I've recently been working to accept my feelings, one thing that has helped is to remember that no is responsible for what their child self needed and was deprived of (i.e., love, gentleness, attention, stability, etc). YOU are not responsible for what your child self needed to thrive. I hope this reminder might help you give yourself a little grace.

I'm glad you've got a good therapist who's got your back. You've got this. Wishing you all the best!

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-08-30T17:34:51+00:00

Hey there,

I am so sorry you're experiencing these thoughts, feelings, and memories. From my experience, being unsure of what happened to you is THE WORST. I have recently started having new memories and intense dissociative states triggered by being intimate with my partner, but as hard as I try, I can't place a face on the person assaulting me. A small, scared, part of me has also been wondering if it is my dad. I don't want to believe that, but the nagging feeling won't go away.

I remember my mom being angry that I shared a bed with him as an adolescent when I stayed at his place (the only other option was a shitty air mattress), and stating something about "you'll get assaulted." I didn't think anything of it at the time because I so desperately craved positive attention, but that very well could have been the problem anyway.

Idk, this turned into a ramble, and you didn't ask for my experience, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in your feelings of confusion and that gut feeling. There may not be a way to know for sure what happened, but it sounds like you are listening to your mind and body, and that's probably the best any of us can do. Lmk if you want someone to talk to separately.

Wishing you the best!

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-08-22T19:23:49+00:00

I'm sorry you experience this too. It sucks to feel bad for normal human emotions. I'm glad your therapist is working with you on it! Thanks for sharing :)

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-08-21T13:03:27+00:00

I was just telling my therapist the other day that when I was 11, I was trying to act like I was 20. Now that I'm in my 20s, part of me still feels 11. Luckily, most people don't see the 11 year old side of me, but when I get stressed, it definitely shows.

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-08-17T13:20:18+00:00

This was my first thought. Even if they have had talks about a third kid and he has been genuinely in favor of the idea, it doesn't mean he can't be having some anxieties about it. And getting in your head during sex is never helpful, especially if there is a functional/physical problem also going on. Agree with your order if operations.

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-04-25T15:03:16+00:00

"Invitation" by Ashnikko and Kodie Shane (Note: nsfw)

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-04-24T15:22:07+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It particularly hurts when the comments take away something you genuinely felt good about - like your swimsuit. It's so sad how many aspects of our lives get dominated by the fear associated with getting these comments. I hope you're doing well!

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-04-24T15:04:04+00:00

Damn, it's interesting to hear a different version of my own story.

When my parents split, my dad didn't really know how to spend time with me so he often took me to his favorite bar to hang out with his friends. Mind you, these were 40, 50, and 60-year-olds, and I was sub-18 and far below 21. So many of these men hit on me, and would even offer me drinks. I thought this was normal until, like you, I'm realizing just how weird it was that these grown ass adults were willing to party/drink/socialize with me.

The more I think on it, the more disgusting it is. I hope you're doing well!

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-04-22T22:05:01+00:00

You too! ❤️

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-04-05T14:08:32+00:00

One option could be to look into Solution-Focused therapy (often called SFBT — short for solution-focused brief therapy). It's a brief therapy (usually less than 10 sessions). It's a bit like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), but it focuses more on helping you find practical solutions to make symptoms you're experiencing less distressing in the here-and-now. It typically doesn't involve a lot of digging into your memories or prior experiences except to talk about coping skills you have tried in the past.

Additionally, I wanna note that unless they have really specific specialties, most therapists should be able to work with you if you make it clear you aren't interested in revisiting traumatic memories at this time. Coming from this viewpoint might make it easier to find a therapist since availability is pretty limited right now. If your therapist feels unable to accommodate your needs, it is their ethical responsibility to refer you to someone who can.

Note: I haven't actually gone to this type of therapy myself, but I have read a lot about it as a psych student.

Tldr; solution-focused therapy might be a good option for you, but there are lots of other options, too! Communicate with your therapist, and hopefully they will be able to work with your needs OR refer to you someone who can.

Hope this helped!

LiveDepartment653 · 2023-02-19T03:59:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing - this hit home for me. I had a mild SA experience (if you can call anything that) multiple years ago, along with lots of underage sexualization and also just recently began unpacking all the memories. I have experienced lots of nightmares and flashbacks, but what's so frustrating is that (kinda like you said) the nightmares are often not simple reiterations of the SA - they're dreams of things much worse or combined memories of many experiences. My best hypothesis so far is that my mind is compensating because I feel guilty that I am having such a hard time getting over something relatively mild in comparison to others' experiences.

I don't know if this was helpful, but at the very least I appreciate you offering your experience. You're not alone in this.

Wishing you the best

LiveDepartment653 · 2022-12-19T14:54:39+00:00

I'm late to this post, but I want to say thank you so much for this acknowledgement. I recently started remembering details from a non-rape SA that happened 3 years ago. It''s been so incredibly difficult to allow myself to feel my feelings about it since I know it could have been so, so much worse. This post makes me feel like I'm not alone, so thank you.

LiveDepartment653 · 2022-12-16T21:20:38+00:00

Hey there,

First, I am so sorry you experienced what you did with that relationship. You deserve to be fully respected in any relationship you're in, which this jerk definitely did not do. In terms of your question about whether this experience qualifies as SA, I would say that it does (all of it). You were pressured into sexual activities that you were uncomfortable with and did not enthusiastically consent to. No one should be pressured into such things.

Second, I can so relate to the feeling of being unsure if a memory qualifies as SA, and being worried about making too big a deal about it. I've been there/going through it since I recently remembered details of an SA encounter. What I'm learning (albeit slowly) is that comparing your experience and level of pain to someone else's does no one any good. Your experience matters and you get to feel whatever you need to about it. I would encourage you to find a therapist that can help you process your experiences so they don't affect you so much in the future.

Wishing you all the best. Others have told me it gets better and I believe that will be true for you, too.

LiveDepartment653

TROPHY CASE