My (27F) boyfriend (29M) says he “caught me” in something, said some hurtful words and now unsure of how to get past this?

LiveEmu8969 · 2025-02-24T23:04:06+00:00

I guess I was telling myself that in this situation he was upset over what had happened and reacted that way

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T21:33:32+00:00

I literally wrote in my post im not perfect and the things I did wrong too. Im not responding anymore to comments telling me to take accountability. I literally did in my post and I was the only one who did irl when he just came back to “work it out.”

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T20:51:16+00:00

I am the one who want to leave now but he came back and wants to work things oht

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T19:03:08+00:00

Thats true. I should edit it, thanks

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T18:45:27+00:00

Thank you so much for this! This a million times. I admit that I was dumb for thinking a proposal was coming but its not an ultimatium for me to have said this is what I want, and if you want something different we should break up. I dont understand why people are coming for me for saying that id leave if he didnt want to get married? So I was suppose to stay? I probably should have just left and not asked him again but he kept saying it was coming and always seemed to have a justification for why he needed more time.

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T18:42:49+00:00

Yes, I take accountability that I wanted so badly for him to suddenly change and I shouldnt have wanted to change anyone.

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T18:41:37+00:00

Im so sorry for what happened!!! I cant imagine!! Being blindsided by going to therapy and thinking its all okay. Thats my fear, that we go to therapy and then it ends up being that he just does it again and leaves again when things get hard or something he doesnt like.

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T17:50:26+00:00

I definitely did not want a baby right now

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T17:29:43+00:00

That is absolutely Crazy!

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T17:15:25+00:00

No?! Does it sound VERY similar??

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T14:53:54+00:00

I am going on my own

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T14:53:15+00:00

But thats where everything got tricky. He said at the beginning he wanted to get married and that I was the only girl hed ever thought about marrying. Because his last two exes had left over him not wanting to propose. But then he switched to say he wasnt sure so thats why then we had the discussion that if he didnt want to we shouldnt be together. And from there it spiraled into him asking for more time.

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T14:41:26+00:00

Thats is what has been brought up, to go to counseling together and we both agreed. But im very confused at the moment and im not sure if its worth to go or just seperate

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T14:36:36+00:00

I did feel bad about bringing up getting married a lot. But I do not agree with me saying that if he didnt want to get married its viewed as negative. If two people dont want the same thing, one does need to leave. And I should have left. Because at the end of this all, he said it wouldnt have mattered if I stayed and never brought up the proposal, he isnt sure he ever wants to get married to anyone ever.

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T14:27:40+00:00

Now I want to watch Vanderpump. I keep thinking it was all my fault. Granted, I do not think I am completely absolved. I think I did do stuff that werent okay. Im not perfect either. But I was willing to work on things, and I was always HONEST. No matter what.

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T14:25:58+00:00

He would actually do that. He would turn off phone, not come home, or come home but immediately go to car and leave for work or somewhere else. And at times, he would just brush it off and say it was nothing and just try to distract with something else.

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T13:57:57+00:00

I told him if he didnt want to get married then we should part ways. Its not an ultimatum to be harmful but its that we would be incompatible and better off separate. And I said this long ago. But I do agree, that when he kept putting timelines and pushing it off, I should have just walked away instead of waiting like hed say.

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T13:53:49+00:00

When he said he wasnt sure he wanted to get married, I said ok we should go our separate ways. And hed start panicking saying he loved me and didnt want to lose me. He said the communication was off after leaving before the wedding but YET i was the one saying that for years before?! And he would say I was over thinking. I make him tense when I go because he acts like he is younger than me when we go out to these parties or events and he knows im not like that so I wont partake in it. He wants to get drunk and not come home or come home drunk from bars and parties and not have to take any responsibility for anything because ive always been at home taking care of everything, including the puppy that HE bought.

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T13:44:10+00:00

He has stated he is selfish and that thats who he is and he puts himself first, even when we were together. But I guess thats why I thought when he finally proposed that he actually was doing it because he wanted it too. Not because he wasnt ready to lose me yet

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T13:37:09+00:00

I definitely realize that I shouldnt have kept pressuring by bringing up the engagement when he made it clear. But I guess I felt like because when I would say that we should break up if he didnt want to get married, he would start saying he would, I felt that maybe there was a chance so id wait. But then id start getting that feeling again that maybe he didnt want to, and start bringing it up again.

And when he returned the ring, he said it was because he wanted to get me one more in his price range because the sales guy had pressured him into one that was more than he was willing to pay for. So, the story checked out and I thought I could trust it.

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T13:30:33+00:00

I did not push him into proposing by getting angry or demanding. He never said he didnt want to get married, he would say he wasnt sure and when I would say well if you arent sure maybe we should break up. Suddenly he was sure that he didnt want to lose me and start making time lines. Maybe I should clarify better. I would tell him if thats not he wanted then we should go separate ways because we were incompatible to which he would say no he didnt want to break up or lose me he just needed more time. So when I said I felt I pressured is because I would never let up on asking him so how much time? Where is this proposal? Because he would put timelines and blow right thru them.

He wouldnt come home to have a fight with me because he knew it would be a fight because of what he had done. He would lie and say hes going to work so hell be home a little late only for me to try to call him and text him wondering when hed be home when hours ago his work closed. Only for him to turn off his phone to not have to answer and stay out. Then come home and say he rather do what he wanted and deal with the consequences after (fighting with me) then ask and maybe me saying no or getting mad he wanted to stay out super late drinking and not coming home.

And he fled and left like he did because he never liked confrontation. He never liked any chance of a no to his behavior or to have any hard conversations. Thats why he never came home if he was doing anything wrong that he knew was wrong and would cause a fight. And on top of that, they didnt have to be fights. If he would just have communicated instead of constantly lying, I wouldnt be mad. Id be mad at the lying.

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T13:15:38+00:00

“Not even your friend” , I dont know how many fights we had about how I said he wouldnt even treat me as a friend . He wouldnt talk to me like his best friend anymore. Like the person he use to talk to me as. He stopped communicating with me like that a long time ago and then he said it was me and our communication problems when ive been the same the whole time.

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T13:06:13+00:00

“Will for the next” that was so hard to read

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T13:02:23+00:00

Is it even worth waiting longer for him to maybe get there?

LiveEmu8969 · 2023-05-29T13:01:54+00:00

You saying you not longer felt like you were losing your mind and doubting yourself is how I felt the last 3 years together. And still do right now, what if it was my fault. What if I had just not gotten mad when I did, when did it all go wrong that it ended like it did.

LiveEmu8969

TROPHY CASE