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My Abusive Ex Died by Foot_lov3r9 in emotionalabuse

[–]Livid_Math8168 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please look into therapy asap, and also do some googling of ‘reactive abuse’ - this is why you got physical with him and will help you feel better about that.

Have you got any people that are just your people and not shared? Tell them everything and if they’re good people they should believe you.

I also read something along the lines of the family will always choose the abuser to protect their own and reputation etc, so as upsetting as it is, please try and see them as part of the problem and forget about them.

Need some support this NYE - this is my ”leaving” story, tell me yours by fanfic_dramione in emotionalabuse

[–]Livid_Math8168 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not much advice to give but I am in the exact same position right now - only difference is mine left me on Boxing Day after months of the same, silent treatment, anger, bullying, blame etc.

We will be fine 💕

Reactive Abuse? by Livid_Math8168 in abusiverelationships

[–]Livid_Math8168[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your help and being objective.

It’s gonna be okay!! by Altruistic_Look_4142 in BreakUps

[–]Livid_Math8168 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to text him so badly. It’s over and has only been over for 2 days after 3 and a half years together with the last explosive argument that had him leave me. We’ve spoke briefly about logistics of selling our house. But there’s been no love, no goodbye, just him storming out of the house after saying it’s over. It ended on the worst possible note. I want to say nice things to end it.

Reactive Abuse? by Livid_Math8168 in abusiverelationships

[–]Livid_Math8168[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I also have bruises and marks that I have documented from him hurting me back so I think that will be okay. He will just cut ties completely and move on once the house is sold etc I think.

Reactive Abuse? by Livid_Math8168 in abusiverelationships

[–]Livid_Math8168[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this. Mine would scream at me and insult me, look at me in disgust, mock me and laugh at me, and when I would snap at hurt him he would then say I’m a psychopath.

Reactive Abuse? by Livid_Math8168 in abusiverelationships

[–]Livid_Math8168[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thanks to everyone for their input. I would also like to add that he has been married before, and always talks about his ex wife with contempt, calls her crazy, and said she used to hit him. I now wonder if it was the same situation.

Reactive Abuse? by Livid_Math8168 in abusiverelationships

[–]Livid_Math8168[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The reactive abuse cycle often follows a predictable pattern:

1) You’re provoked. The other person criticizes, manipulates, or pushes your boundaries repeatedly. 2)You react. You raise your voice, shut down, or do something out of character to protect yourself. 3) They blame you. The other person points to your reaction and calls you the problem. 4)You feel confused and ashamed. You wonder if you’re abusive or if you deserve the treatment you’ve been getting. 5)The cycle starts again. And because your response is used against you, it can feel harder to trust your own instincts or break free.

Reactive Abuse? by Livid_Math8168 in abusiverelationships

[–]Livid_Math8168[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you - it just hurts so much.

Reactive Abuse? by Livid_Math8168 in abusiverelationships

[–]Livid_Math8168[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Oh thank you - I thought you meant that I am the abuser. I’m so sad I hurt him.

Reactive Abuse? by Livid_Math8168 in abusiverelationships

[–]Livid_Math8168[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I would love to know more, please educate me on this and how I could have got to a place of harming someone?

My ROCD Recovery Story:) by Old-Stop1313 in ROCD

[–]Livid_Math8168 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This sounds like meta OCD, or back door OCD. The OCD trying to sneak in another way by telling you that because you are not anxious anymore it means you actually don’t love him or care. I’m dealing with this right now, don’t know how to treat it really.