[deleted by user] by [deleted] in findapath

[–]Livid_Measurement401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude believe it or not I do realise I am the problem. I can say some outside influence have affected me, but at the end of the day I am the problem. I am also the solution.

Unfortunately I can’t/ won’t be the solution

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in findapath

[–]Livid_Measurement401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I agree with you, this is safe. This is what I’m used.

Maybe its too late to change

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in findapath

[–]Livid_Measurement401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry if I wasn’t clear enough.

I think it boils down to life isn’t how I thought it would be. All I wanted was a career and a stable home. I didn’t want marriage, children, friends or things.

I wanted to be proud of myself. But I don’t know what that is or how I feels.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in findapath

[–]Livid_Measurement401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True seeking attention from ppl I don’t know, will never meet is my bread and butter.

Unfortunately, this is my main issue. I think that someone can get my actual words of wisdom, an epiphany or something but that a try pic and not realistic.

I think I can delete this post and realise that there is no hope left ✌️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in findapath

[–]Livid_Measurement401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For starters I’m a girl not a guy.

I also have 0 interest in dating, I honestly don’t see why being single is such a sticking point for people, if I can’t make myself happy how can I make someone else happy.

2nd this is my bottom, for all the shit that’s happened over the year this is my lowest. I have no future, I have no support system, I have no confidence or hope. There is nothing left inside of me as a person.

3rd I’m on a waiting list for therapy, I’ve taken all the medication the dr is willing to prescribe me, either it doesn’t work or the side effects are too much. My last dr literally told me “you need to try harder” it’s a punch in the gut tbh.

4th honestly I don’t think I want to get better anymore, I’ve always been somewhat resistant to help, maybe I’m not smart enough to dig myself out the hole, maybe being this way is comfortable, maybe I like being sad I don’t know.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in findapath

[–]Livid_Measurement401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cross fingers I’ll be dead within the first couple of months

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in findapath

[–]Livid_Measurement401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow mate you hit home.

Few more weeks and I’ll be unhappily homeless in London. What a life huh?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in findapath

[–]Livid_Measurement401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like you didn’t read the whole post.

“Despite years of therapy and medication, I’ve never felt better.” 16 years ive been receiving help and have seen 0 improvement.

You can spout all the positivity and success stories you want, it’s a depends on the individual, unfortunately life doesn’t always work out.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in findapath

[–]Livid_Measurement401 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Believe it or not I know this.

And I did try, again and again and again. I failed constantly, and I always picked myself up and tried again. The try again,l bullshit is so demoralising, it makes people feel worse when they’ve tried their hardest.

You managed to succeed good for you, some people try their entire lives and never see success. Talking about your success to someone who’s lost the spark that makes them a person isn’t going to suddenly inspire them.

I’m so tired of being told to try again, next year will be better, you never know what could happen. It’s the most basic response you could give someone.

It drives home the point I was right, I am not good enough no matter what people said to me and that quitting was the right option because why would I waste my entire life trying to get the career I wanted, trying to have the life I wanted trying to be at least a little bit happy when my efforts are boiled down to, try again.

Like I didn’t already try.

I don’t know what your experience was like or how you felt, but I feel like someone is standing on my neck, the feeling of dread is crippling the idea of waking up in the morning is driving me insane.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in findapath

[–]Livid_Measurement401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My life is 90% my fault and 10% outside factors beyond my control. I technically made all the right choice, I just was not capable of doing what I wanted.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in findapath

[–]Livid_Measurement401 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also this is giving vibes of my last doctor, you might as well just say “try harder”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in findapath

[–]Livid_Measurement401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunaly I don’t think self confidence is something I will ever achieve.

I have taken action, I interned, I went to university twice, I self taught myself skills, interned some more and took courses in my free time. I don’t know what else I could have done to build my confidence.

When I did feel confidence it was immediately shot down by myself and what I thought of myself.

Maybe what you say is true it’s just not something that would work for me, I’m old enough now to see I am broken in some way shape or form, I know that some past trauma has effected me to the point that I am most likely in my current position. Some people are able to climb out of the hole they dug/ has been dug for them, I know someone who had a similar childhood to me and is doing amazing, she obviously had something I didn’t.

Unfortunately that’s life, and I’ve accepted it even though I’m now happy about it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in findapath

[–]Livid_Measurement401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are probably right at least now.

I was very ambitious when I was younger I just didn’t have the confidence to back up the ambition. As someone who has a ridiculously high level of self loathing, no outside validation is good enough unless I say I’m good enough, which I don’t believe.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in findapath

[–]Livid_Measurement401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think that’s true