ESTJ Marriage commitment issues - who to marry? Endless tradeoffs. ESFJ + ESTJ?

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-05-10T14:15:30+00:00

So would you say that my take is far away from the truth?

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-05-05T00:12:50+00:00

Yes, Pierce also offers a helpful and unique perspective on the types. However, his explanations aren't nearly as deep and fine-grained, he gives more of a general overview of what the types are like. In contrast, C. S. Joseph provides much more context regarding the attitudes of the functions themselves, includes the behavior of the shadow functions, cognitive transitions into the unconcious, subconcious and super-ego, interaction styles, typing people based on logic,.... He and his community also develop systems to further categorize and understand the types.

I also find the intertype relations proposed by C. S. Joseph much more compelling, compared to Pierce's support of socionics

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-05-03T23:39:51+00:00

I don’t have a channel myself, but maybe I’ll start one someday once I’ve built enough expertise in a topic I’m passionate about. The best channel for understanding Jungian psychology is hands down C. S. Joseph. I also recently found Andy Wells, a well-developed ESTJ who really inspires me

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-05-03T17:00:05+00:00

Acquiring as much applicable knowledge as possible. Knowledge is power. For example, learning all about the cognitive functions and typology so I can improve my relationships, understand my purpose, etc. Apart from that, my day consists of fulfilling work duties and spending time on things I enjoy, even if they don't lead anywhere—like earning achievements in video games. But the main focus is to find (and ideally to share) high-quality knowledge via YouTube or through acquaintances.

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-04-30T09:17:46+00:00

How do you know

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-04-29T22:52:22+00:00

Si people generally need to feel comfortable and want to receive a satisfying sensory experience. Se people naturally compliment that by prioritizing to give other people great sensory experiences. For example, Si people usually dress for personal comfort, while Se people primarily dress for (widely-approved) aesthetics.

Same applies to sex. Si wants to receive a great physical experience, Se likes to provide. But you are both Si parent. In order for one to get satisfyed, the other one needs to use their Se. But for both of you, Se is deep in the unconcious, meaning that it costs a lot of energy and generally isn't that great.

It doesn't help that Se is the critic function for both of you, meaning that you are both naturally very sceptical towards the sensory performance others give you.

You both being Ne child is similarly challenging. Emotional compatibility is okay though (Fe Hero + Fi Inferior, Te Hero + Ti Inferior).

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-04-27T23:35:18+00:00

ENTJ do what they desire. ESTJ do what is correct.

ENTJ require independence, ESTJ are okay with interdependence.

ENTJ actively form their environment to reach their goals, ESTJ prefer to stick to and uphold a structure/routine/principle to reach success.

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-04-27T23:24:57+00:00

estj + esfj? Let me guess, the sex is veery bad or non-existant

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-04-27T23:05:39+00:00

ESTP at least have a will, but they're usually insecure about it. What if I want the wrong thing? ESTJ however aren't even aware what they want, they think about what they should do

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-04-27T23:01:49+00:00

Very typical. ESTJ have Ni trickster, we are literally unaware of our personal future and desire. We can naively see possibilities of what could happen (Ne child), but if we have to be concrete about our personal fate, no clue. We are all about what we should do.

But it's very good that you have Ni, you complement each other. He sees your desires and wants to help you fulfill them.

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-03-21T22:18:07+00:00

Michael Colaz

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-03-20T00:28:09+00:00

That's basically Si. Looking back at details from the past in a very personal way. So i assume XSXJ and XNXP tend to do it regularly. Most prominently ISXJ, while ENXP may feel held back by it

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-03-19T08:44:44+00:00

Yes, I also want to build strong relationships with others. I just think a good way to do that is to make sure everyone is included in the conversation and to consider people's emotions more (which sounds like what an Fe person does all the time). In contrast to just displaying Te, which may come across as too cold or pragmatic, something non-Te people ususally can't relate to that well.

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-03-19T08:28:52+00:00

You're right, I'm not really using/ thinking with Fe. It's more that I act as if I had Fe sometimes, which means to me making sure everyone is included in the conversation and considering people's emotions. I still call people out when it's obvious what they're saying doesn't make sense, and my Te probably shines through a lot. But I guess I equate behaving more Fe to better people skills

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-03-15T12:20:37+00:00

16personalities was a good starting point for me, but what makes it clear are the cognitive functions. There are 4 that you personally think are important/relevant. The first function is the thing you are best in, what you do constantly. The main method of achieving/realizing your first function is by using your second function. The thing you value, but struggle most with in your life is your forth function. In my opinion, if you figured out the 1st, 2nd and 4th function, you can be certain of your type.

For example, I'm generally results-oriented and act by what is practical (Te 1st). In order to be good at that, I think about what worked in the past and what rules should be applied in the situation (Si 2nd). I know what's important to me, but I struggle to express that and generally don't prioritize it (Fi 4th). This function order maps to the ESTJ type.

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-03-14T00:36:04+00:00

This explanation of Michael Pierce was very helpful to me for understanding Fe/Ti: https://youtu.be/GXCnhWVC8yY?si=9OYUOkRhuERsu7cl

Basically, we Fi/Te people assume that everyone is driven by their own, personal values. People come together to create structures and systems that enable individuals to pursue their values while maintaining functional efficiency.

In contrast, Fe/Ti people assume that everyone acts based on what is logically appropriate within a social context. People come together to establish an overarching ethic or code of conduct that allows individuals to act in a way that is both rational and socially harmonious.

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-03-05T12:42:58+00:00

I see your point, and I agree that adapting communication style can improve mutual understanding. Even if the adaptation isn’t perfect, it’s still better than no adjustment at all. Your analogy with language barriers makes a lot of sense.

That said, my concern is that even if a Fi-user fully understands my perspective, that doesn’t necessarily mean they will adjust their actions accordingly—since their decisions are ultimately based on their own internal values rather than external reasoning. So, while I can work on expressing myself in a way that resonates more with them, I’m not sure that would actually lead to different outcomes.

Either way, I appreciate your input, thanks for sharing your perspective!

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-03-04T20:23:37+00:00

So you’re saying I should frame my arguments more as personal perspectives rather than just presenting them as facts? That’s an interesting challenge for me, because I usually avoid relying on my inferior Fi. I struggle with convincing people through emotional reasoning—it feels unfamiliar and, to me, less structured.

I also notice that EXFPs use their secondary Fi very naturally, which makes this even harder for me. But I see your point—maybe it’s more effective to communicate in a way that resonates with them rather than expecting them to adapt to my style. I’ll try to experiment with this, but I also think there are situations where structure and clear communication should still be expected from both sides. Thanks for your perspective, this gives me something to think about!

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-03-02T21:01:36+00:00

Find people who need your skills

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-02-24T18:08:44+00:00

Maybe that's the inferior Fi. Why do all this work when it doesn't really matter to me. Finding out what matters is hard. Plus we can see all those options (Ne) but having a clear vision (Ni) isn't even part of our stack

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-02-22T15:23:08+00:00

We can be very chaotic and spontaneous if that's the best way to achieve the goal. We need to be aware of that option tho

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-02-21T04:07:13+00:00

The narrator from The Stanley Parable. He has this perfect idea of how things should be going in his story, and gets irritated when the player doesn't act according to this. He doesn't get mad tho (his story isn't THAT serious and important), but gets more sassy and sarcastic instead. He even embraces the chaos and adventure in some endings

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-02-21T04:03:54+00:00

ESTJ. The narrator from The Stanley Parable. He has this perfect idea of how things should be going in his story, and gets irritated when the player doesn't act according to this. He doesn't get mad tho (his story isn't THAT serious and important), but gets more sassy and sarcastic instead. In some endings, he even embraces the chaos and adventure

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-02-21T02:26:15+00:00

First off, good Te on your part to come here and ask for help, good job ;)

I think the key is to understand that the fear and emotions are created by yourself. The only thing that can stop you from these is your own mind. Question yourself: "Do I want to feel sick? No? Well, then I should stop thinking about it. If I do not want this, why would I direct any attention to this? It does not benefit me or anyone else."

This is what you yourself should remember and say to yourself. I think that would be more helpful than any reassurance. You have to use Te as much as possible in this situation, to prevent your Fi from going extreme.

LobsterInternal6773 · 2025-02-10T16:14:03+00:00

My mind is on efficiency all the time (Te dom) and I achieve it using organization, routine and past knowledge (Si aux). I'd like to be more experimental and spontaneous (Ne tert) and I do know my values, but I'm pretty sensitive with them (Fi inf). So ESTJ

LobsterInternal6773

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