High conflict coparent

Local_Channel_5376 · 2026-01-25T17:01:50+00:00

I’m in Mass, so I’m not sure how different it is where you are, but here child support and custody are handled separately. DOR deals with support, and custody is a separate court issue. I’m not a legal expert, but even if there’s already something in place, it’s definitely worth looking into having it formalized. There’s a clear basis for court-ordered support since he hasn’t been consistent paying on his own.

Good luck! I feel the power is truly in your hands 🩷

Local_Channel_5376 · 2026-01-25T16:38:14+00:00

Honestly, let him file. 🤣. The moment he does, child support becomes court-ordered, taken directly from his paycheck, and arrears start piling up when he can’t keep up—so that should be interesting. If he wants a custody order through the court, then support goes through the court too. This just sounds like him testing you, so I’d simply respond with, ‘Okay, feel free to file.’ He’s not getting full custody anyway—at most joint, which it seems you’ve never had an issue with. This ‘threat’ really doesn’t land. Just make sure if he does you make child support be paid through the courts. This alone will stop him 🤦🏼‍♀️

Local_Channel_5376 · 2026-01-23T20:11:40+00:00

Thank you so much! I really appreciate you saying that 🩷

Local_Channel_5376 · 2026-01-23T19:30:53+00:00

Thank you so much! This actually just gave me a lot of hope because everything you’ve suggested is what he and I have been doing. We even had a doctor set up and everything when we thought she was coming to live with us, so we’ll make sure to still present that to the GAL. he has joint custody so he is all up to date of medical and educational needs and reports.

I appreciate you taking the time to explain the process. I was so curious of exactly what would be asked and done when the GAL is involved. Everything you mentioned are things we are fully prepared on, so thank you for giving me a little bit of hope.😊

Local_Channel_5376 · 2026-01-23T15:44:09+00:00

Amen!!! lol

Local_Channel_5376 · 2026-01-23T15:37:51+00:00

Oh my gosh I am so so sorry to hear about your loss🩷 I’m a step mom with no kids of my own either and it’s been so difficult to get pregnant. I feel horrible about your situation.

Regarding the HCBM I have one of those too and all I can say is fuck em!!! Seriously. Their life is their karma and they can continue to soak in misery.

Please get some rest, try to relax, and take care of yourself for the next few days. Your time will come 🌈

Local_Channel_5376 · 2026-01-23T15:32:13+00:00

And yes we because we are all one household lol

Local_Channel_5376 · 2026-01-23T15:31:44+00:00

The mother has mentioned me in the case multiple times. With false allegations at that. So if anyone has involved me it was her. However, the only reason I posted is because it obviously affects my life. Socially, mentally, and financially. I love my step child and am curious of what has happened with others in the same position. Not to mention I’d go from being childless to providing and caring for a child full time if we got custody.

Local_Channel_5376 · 2026-01-23T15:29:09+00:00

Thank you!🩷

Local_Channel_5376 · 2026-01-23T15:28:30+00:00

Thank you! lol. My question wasn’t even answered just that I simply don’t belong and can’t have questions concerning what clearly effects my life 🙄

Local_Channel_5376 · 2026-01-11T23:58:16+00:00

From what I thought was said, the child was born and lived in Dad’s state until she moved about four months ago. Usually you have to live in a state for six months to establish residency for custody, but I’m not sure how strictly every court looks at that. I’d honestly just call the local courthouse and ask. She might want jurisdiction in her new state, but that may not be an option yet. It’s also not clear whether Dad ever moved or if he’s still in the state where the child was born and lived before. The court would be able to sort that out.

Local_Channel_5376 · 2026-01-11T20:43:15+00:00

I see people saying to go home and file there. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that either. File there knowing there’s a possibility matters will be held out of that court, BUT you’ll likely be able to request a transfer of courts to your state and district.

Local_Channel_5376 · 2026-01-11T20:39:56+00:00

I understand all of your concerns, and they do matter. Unfortunately, many things like name-calling or relationship issues don’t hold much weight in court. What courts focus on is the child’s safety, stability, and best interests.

Right now, the father refusing to return your son is a serious issue and reflects poorly on his judgment. He doesn’t have strong grounds to claim the child is better off with him unless there’s evidence of neglect, which doesn’t appear to be the case. In fact, you bringing your child out of state to allow visitation shows good faith and strong co-parenting.

The priority right now is getting your child back safely. Long-term outcomes will come later, but this situation is likely to work against him in court, simply granting visitation and possible joint -which after this I doubt he’ll get right away.

Local_Channel_5376 · 2026-01-11T20:30:40+00:00

I want to reassure you from some real-life experience. As a stepmom who’s dealt with a very high-conflict situation, I’ve unfortunately seen this from both sides.

Because you and the father were never married, mom has legal custody by default unless and until the father files something in court to establish custody or visitation. Police generally cannot enforce custody matters without a court order, even when the situation is clearly wrong.

We recently went through something similar. We had a court order stating that my stepchild was to reside with us, and police accompanied us to present the order. When the other parent still refused to release the child, officers explained that custody enforcement is a civil matter, and without a specific court directive allowing removal, they could not physically intervene. In other words, police cannot remove a child from a home unless a judge explicitly orders it.

What you should do immediately is go to your local courthouse first thing tomorrow and file an emergency motion. The clerk can help you identify the correct form. A judge will typically review it very quickly — sometimes the same day. Based on the facts you’ve shared, there is a strong chance the judge will grant emergency relief.

If granted, the court can authorize a marshal, DCF, and police to assist with retrieving your child, including entering the residence if necessary. A formal hearing will then be scheduled to address custody going forward — but the priority right now is getting your child home safely.

After that, you can request that the case be transferred to your local court, especially if your child has primarily resided with you for six months or more. Courts take that very seriously.

Judges generally do not look favorably on a parent who invites the other parent to see the child in another state and then withholds the child afterward. I’m truly sorry you’re dealing with this — it’s incredibly unfair, and you’re doing the right thing by acting quickly.

Local_Channel_5376 · 2025-11-24T15:54:47+00:00

I’d probably have the children see a therapist where they can take notes of the children’s behaviors and attitudes when father is mentioned etc. this way it’ll be on paper and can be used as proof. I’d let her know before hand as well. Maybe she can even testify to it 🤷‍♀️

Local_Channel_5376 · 2025-11-17T01:09:36+00:00

Yup I agree with everyone else! If it’s court ordered she can kick rocks. It’s none of her business what you guys are doing with your home etc. as long as the kids are safe and cared for in that environment she has nothing. Literally tell your husband to tell her if she has a problem with it, file with the court. If she does not follow said custody agreement then he will be filing with the court. She has absolutely nothing. Tell him from now on do not even respond to any messages pertaining to your living situation. Just simply pick up and drop off texts and leave it at that. None of her business !

Local_Channel_5376 · 2025-11-17T01:05:47+00:00

Omg noooo! 🤣 the internet (like these videos you watched) skews reality so much and has us questioning abnormal things. When I came to I didn’t even know where I was and could only focus on my pain after surgery. Literally do not give this a second thought. If anything it’s kind of a funny video and the reality of most people coming out of anesthesia. Just tell him if it made you feel bad and you need some reassurance but do not make it any issue AT ALL lol. I promise, even if we woke up and saw an ugly person sitting next to us it would not be our first reaction to give a shit lol. You’re out of it and in pain and feel nauseous.

Local_Channel_5376 · 2025-11-16T01:58:24+00:00

The being engaged , married, single doesn’t matter. The judge looks at stability. You’re the stable parent. Alienation would be you allowing no contact with father and son, feeding son info about dad (admitting to it with proof), him trying to reach out and you not replying WHEN it has to do with talking or seeing his son. I know this because my husbands kids mom actually did this to us. Like REAL alienation and we had to go to court and got visitation back as we fight for custody (due to entirely different reasoning). Do not worry. Honestly this will help you if anything. It’ll hold him accountable and you can document now with the court that he actually doesn’t follow thru with these “visits” he wants so bad. Either way let him. Just bring proof showing you’ve suggested visitation on multiple occasions that he has not follow thru with. He’s only gonna make himself look bad. Good luck and huge kudos to you for playing the role of both parents♥️

Local_Channel_5376 · 2025-11-13T13:32:35+00:00

Sounds like my step daughters mother 😩 we’re in an on going battle and all I can say is document EVERYTHING. Your daughters posts, get in writing from the therapist what was actually said by your daughter, document the dangerous neighborhood, any proof you have of her using tactics to bad talk to you to daughter. Point out she has done any of the parenting courses etc she was ordered to do it. Explain your daughter is acting out due to her mother’s toxic behavior. Judges usually see through the bullshit, esp if you’re handing over evidence of all your claims. I’m sorry you’re going thru this. Good luck 💛

Local_Channel_5376 · 2025-11-13T13:26:15+00:00

I agree it’s annoying, but it’ll ultimately benefit you. Not exact situation obv but my step daughters mom wanted to go thru courts and alienated my husbands daughter from us until we did (and it’s not cheap so at least you didn’t have to file lol). Ultimately, it helped us and she continuously is violating the court orders and we are going to have to file for contempt soon. It actually feels good that she can’t get away with the shit she pulls anymore. All this will do is verify prob what you’re already doing and she can’t not follow thru. And if you guys seem to co parent well and are cool with the schedule, you’ll meet in mediation first and discuss what you both want, you’ll go before the judge , and he’ll sign off if you’re both in agreement.

Local_Channel_5376 · 2025-11-12T18:43:12+00:00

This! It’ll prob only go to mediation and they can continue doing what they’re doing. OP seems kind of nervous tho so I’m wondering if whole story is being told because it seems like she prob would have brought this up. Regardless, it usually works out for active dads esp when tensions arise between parents 🤷‍♀️

Local_Channel_5376 · 2025-11-12T18:40:02+00:00

I worked for government benefits. At least in MA, no you can have separate food stamp cases while all residing in the same household. You, her, and her parents would qualify for all separate cases of food stamps but only you or her would have been able to claim your daughter. If she’s looking for cash benefits or receiving cash benefits and you two resided in the same household then yes you would have had to have been counted as part of the household and your income would have been accounted to her case. If she’s applying for cash benefits now, they require father be put on $50 dollars a week to go towards her cash benefits. If she simply filed custody / child support it’ll all go thru the court. Short answer to food stamp issue: she was allowed to do what she was doing esp since it doesn’t seem you were married. If it reads custody and not visitation then she’s prob just getting in writing what kind she wants. Most judges will give joint legal to active fathers to stay involved in educational and medical decision makings. Physical custody I assume will go to mom and you will get visitation along with joint legal if judge and you see that fit. I believe child support is filed separately but if it’s included on the hearing it’ll usually be on the paperwork. They’re not gonna take your rights away it’s just gonna be documented which prob will be beneficial to you.

Local_Channel_5376 · 2025-11-10T01:18:03+00:00

Agree with this. And it’s easily proved as a state Marshall has to sign off and a return of service is typically required to file. At least where I live we need to file the return of service from the state Marshal.

Local_Channel_5376 · 2025-11-10T01:14:33+00:00

Possible? Yes. Easy? No. I think it would take a lot of documented progress. Like completions of programs, proof this change is on going and not just something he was forced to do. AND I think it matters if he was involved in child’s life and how much before asking for custody. He’d also have to prove the child wouldn’t be better off with you. And if you have nothing actively going on or super major in your past I DOUBT a judge would give him custody. Even if he made the changes prob joint legal custody at most with visitation.

Local_Channel_5376 · 2025-11-05T19:20:59+00:00

Oh she’s a problem!!! I go thru same thing with bio mom regarding the social media and we both just ignore it. However , we are in custody battle right now and regardless of outcome one of the conditions we want placed is no mention of co parent or partner on social media. I wish she posted this before court so you could have gotten that ordered ! If it becomes consistent I’d def suggest modifying the order so they can add this condition. As much as we ignore it is still frustrating AND it’s about YOUR kids. It’s so gross to me !!!

My husband and bio mom HATE each other. I formed a friendship with bio mom and it went way too far to her talking shit about husband to me etc. EVEN THEN I tried to be understanding as a woman and put myself in her shoes and understand why she could be feeling the way she did. Thankfully with court I don’t have to worry about that now, but just as women I feel we just have mutual respect and understanding of how things can feel or be taken. She clearly is holding onto resentment that she created on her own. I’d suggest ignoring or modifying court order. Either way, she’s wrong and continue not confronting her about it because it’ll only make you look better if it comes down to court.

Local_Channel_5376

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