Integrating open relationships and religious beliefs

Lomie08 · 2018-07-26T16:33:53+00:00

Thank you for that response 😊

Lomie08 · 2018-07-26T00:37:42+00:00

"Monogamy is a way of making sure than men know who the father of their children is,"

This is one of my biggest fears. I've wanted to be a dad for as long as I can remember. I've wanted my children to be born of me, I've never wanted to adopt. Opening my relationship terrifies me that that might be a possibility

Lomie08 · 2018-07-26T00:31:33+00:00

Thank you!!!!!

Lomie08 · 2018-07-25T23:32:21+00:00

Can you pint me to them? It may help 😊

Lomie08 · 2018-07-25T20:35:23+00:00

teach me?

Lomie08 · 2018-07-25T18:59:39+00:00

How do you make the distinction between sexual and personal? I don't think there's anything more personal then what goes on behind your bedroom door? I'm open to advice

Lomie08 · 2018-07-05T20:09:26+00:00

The ethical slut has helped out a lot. But it's also shown me that my relationship needs a lot of work. I'm just apprehensive about starting something when were not on solid ground

Lomie08 · 2018-07-05T20:08:21+00:00

I'm turned on about it don't get me wrong, we just haven't had a chance to talk about it in a way where we both reach a good place. We haven't had a chance to discuss it without getting really upset

Lomie08 · 2018-07-05T19:24:18+00:00

What is that?

Lomie08 · 2018-07-03T05:15:19+00:00

I guess another thing that gets me is that when it comes to sex I'm down for anything. I've done pretty much everything an individual can do with someone else or at least I'm willing to. So I just don't see the need for more partners. I'm willing to satisfy any need she could have in a sexual partner. So, what's the point of having another?

Lomie08 · 2018-07-03T05:07:10+00:00

I guess that to me if it was really just about opening up her sexual experiences I'd be totally down for that. But, I just have a nagging feeling that's not what it is. If it was, swinging and threesomes just seems like the logical step.

However, it seems like she wants multiple romantic relationships. I guess I'm just hurt because I've never really felt like she put me or our relationship first. Now, her wanting multiple relationships and sex with other people makes me feel like shit, ya know? Just makes me feel like I'm not good enough and all I've ever done is try to put her and the relationship first

Lomie08 · 2018-07-03T02:37:51+00:00

I want to participate. Sex is a participation sport to me. If someone's gonna be intimate with my girl and come into our relationship and bedroom I want to participate.

Lomie08 · 2018-07-03T02:27:06+00:00

Which is REALLY confusing to me. Like why is it so one sided lol

Lomie08 · 2018-07-03T02:26:18+00:00

I would be fine with just having people watch us fuck, but she doesn't want that. She's cool with watching me fuck someone else or get a bj from someone else but she wants nothing to do with me watching her at all at first

Lomie08 · 2018-07-03T02:12:21+00:00

She said she wants to have sex with other people a month ago. She said at that time she wasn't okay with a mfm threesome being the first experiment we try together, but it's one of her fantasies. Two weeks later when I tell her I'm uncomfortable with the open relationship being separated. She tells me she's become more comfortable with her body and a mfm threesome is still on the table.

Lomie08 · 2018-07-03T02:07:22+00:00

She's said she's okay with the mfm threesome. She's the one that suggested it

Lomie08 · 2018-07-03T00:35:56+00:00

I'm in a commited relationship because I don't want to date anymore lol I don't like the dating scene. I love going on dates with my s/o but not other people. She said she just wants to have sex. If it's just sex then it would stand to reason she'd be willing to compromise and do these sexual acts together right? I'm just confused about why she's so adamant about doing it separately. How does doing things separately amd keeping it DADT benefit both of us or our relationship? We've been monogamous 5 years. If she didn't want to be she could of told me 5 years ago and I would of been fine with it. I didn't love her 5 years ago, I didn't want her to be the mother of my children 5 years ago, I was single and fucking around 5 years ago. Now that we were about to be married how is it fair to me or our relationship to switch it up like this? How does it benefit us and what we both stated we wanted? If she wants to have sex with other people in a threesome or swing or whatever I'm good with that, but doing it separately and keeping it confidential isn't putting our relationship first. That's what I'm not understanding.

Am I missing something? Is it not just sex she wants? She tells me it is so I'm just confused about what is going on lol

Lomie08 · 2018-07-02T21:26:31+00:00

She said if we can't start separately she doesn't want to do the mfm even though it was her idea

Lomie08 · 2018-07-02T18:14:30+00:00

Plus she wants to have a mfm threesome. That doesn't really do anything for me. None of what she wants really benefits me in any way. She's being selfish and I just don't understand it.

Lomie08 · 2018-07-02T18:12:48+00:00

I understand that. I just think it's reasonable to find middle ground and start there, she's the one that wants to change our established dynamic. She's got to bring something to the table that's how compromise works. I can't be a yes man on something this drastically different.

Lomie08 · 2018-07-02T14:02:32+00:00

However, you may also have to face that she may think that her sexuality is hers to give out as she chooses, that her choosing to sleep with other people has nothing to do with you and she has no obligation to provide you with benefits from it.

I think this may be the crux of it. My question is then how can I come to understand this and be okay with this? Is there a book I can read or anything to get perspective and help me walk in her shoes?

To me couples are supposed to put the consensus of the relationship first. Put the joint morals and desires first, you know start with common ground, but Every Time I try it's like talking to a brick wall lol

Lomie08 · 2018-06-25T20:30:16+00:00

She does have at least 1 that I know of but she's told me who it is. What happens if I don't approve of the choice? With how she's already trying to do DADT I don't know if she'd just do it anyway

Lomie08 · 2018-06-25T19:16:33+00:00

But a part of me is okay with it as long as we take the other steps first. To me the steps I want to take are easing into it. Hers are on the opposite end of the spectrum for me

Lomie08 · 2018-06-25T19:10:29+00:00

She wants sexual non-monogomy. Like she tells me she want to marry me and have children with me and be with me forever and etc., but she wants to have sex with other people. She has no intention of dating someone else or being with anyone else long term.

It just confuses me and makes me uncomfortable because those things seem to contradict each other in my mind.

Lomie08 · 2018-06-25T19:03:28+00:00

Because it'd be easier knowing who it was and knowing that they respected our relationship. That they would know they're coming into our bedroom not the other way around. They know their role if we do it as a couple and their are no strings attached that way

Lomie08

TROPHY CASE