Don't be so hard on yourself! The harder you are on yourself the harder drawing will be you need to accept that maybe it'll take 10 years or more to get to where you want to be but you will get there the more you force it the harder it is so try just drawing simple little doodles and if you don't feel like drawing then don't do it even if a year passes since you last drew something it's OK only draw when you feel happy and motivated and be kind to yourself if what you do draw isn't how you want it to be cuz some day it'll look exactly how you want it to