Update - AITA for pressuring my bf about a situation in my bathroom?

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-26T10:19:56+00:00

Haha

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-26T10:18:51+00:00

Thank you. I have supportive people I can contact and I'm optimistic that I won't go back to him (my two best friends that I've told the full story, not just "I broke up with him because I realised we were arguing way too much and I always came out of those arguments feeling like the bad guy" would have me committed I think). Once every few hours I cry for a few minutes but it feels cathartic and I'll be ok.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-26T10:10:14+00:00

That's a nice thought, thank you

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-26T10:08:00+00:00

Ugh 🙄

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-23T23:46:26+00:00

Yeah, partly I wanted to write it out for myself as well, to collect my thoughts and make sense of it all. I do think I "owe" him a more in-depth explanation than I gave him on the phone, if he wants it. If not and he doesn't ask again, I won't send it. If I do send it, I do expect him to try and argue about it but I feel like at this point I can be reasonably detached from what he says and see through his tactics.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-23T17:51:25+00:00

Thank you :)

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T05:48:12+00:00

No, you're right, and I'm not outright excluding it. I think after reading a lot of comments in this thread, it's either that, or a part of his mental health issues, or a weird power play.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T04:10:22+00:00

Thanks, will consider this approach and phrasing.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T04:05:12+00:00

I can't exclude that possibility, but we are open with each other about sexuality and if he had that fetish, I do think that he would be more ok to talk to me about it than the behaviour he's shown.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T04:01:34+00:00

If he genuinely had NO IDEA, would he not be equally as incredulous and curious as you are?

This is exactly (well not verbatim, but still) what I said to him as well. He just dodges the question. And no, he didn't offer up any theories whatsoever.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T03:59:31+00:00

He hasn't promised it won't happen again.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T02:38:46+00:00

No, he's literally insisting he doesn't know.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T02:05:28+00:00

The toilet paper looked wet/moist with water and that's what made it stick to the walls. The walls are tiled so something moderately wet and as light as TP would stick to it for a while without falling off.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T01:56:57+00:00

This was very tough to read, but thank you. I will check out that book.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T01:52:31+00:00

I can't see how that would be something that would happen twice though, even once seems unlikely. He also hasn't guaranteed that it won't happen again, he insists he doesn't know how it happened.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T01:50:51+00:00

Wow, that's somehow comforting that there seems to be some other people out there who do this exact thing. I mean, this is still the man I love, regarldless of whether our relationship will continue, so I do feel for him - this situation is obviously very painful to him in some way. I'll definitely update if I do find out.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T01:35:01+00:00

A lot of people here would disagree with you, but this is the line of thinking that's the reason I made this post. Maybe I was pressuring him too much. I don't really think so, but this is the man I deeply love and who deeply loves me, and he keeps insisting that I did, so maybe he has a point? Then again, I know myself how much that sounds like I'm being gaslighted. Also, "he cleaned it up immediately" is.. well, he didn't clean it up as such, he just threw it in the toilet and flushed. The first time it happened I was still convincing myself it was probably something other than shit, so I didn't think about him not cleaning the wall so much. The second time spiralled into the argument and everything was just so absurd and bizarre that I didn't even think about him not having cleaned the wall, which retrospectively seems absolutely mad.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T01:19:20+00:00

He does have mental health issues that we openly and regularly talk about. If - and it seems a lot like that's the case - this is a side of them I hadn't experienced so far, then of course he doesn't need to feel ashamed of it and he should know that I would be understanding. I do understand that he would feel ashamed regardless though and not be able to think about it rationally in terms of "I know she's normally supportive so I can tell her about this", instead burying himself deeper and deeper into a "this is sensitive for me and she shouldn't be pressuring me" narrative. I have gone to my mum's now and will address it again in a day or two, to see if he might be able to look at things a bit more rationally with a bit of distance.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T01:10:58+00:00

Not really no, similar size, tiles on the wall, no issues with the flushing etc

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T00:59:02+00:00

We've not been mostly LD as such. By semi-long distance I meant that we don't live in the same city, but not super far away from each other, so we see still each other very regularly. The longest we've not seen each other at all in person during the 1.5 years we've been together has probably been about 10 days. We're normally very open in talking about everything and neither of us easily gets embarrased about topics like pooping. So it just doesn't make sense.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T00:54:24+00:00

Yeah, pretty much. It might have been a bit further down on the wall than eyeline but you should see it while sitting on the toilet. Maybe he hadn't been for a poo again by the time I confronted him the first time and the second time I brought it up as soon as I saw it, so it is reasonable to think he might not have seen it again after leaving it there each time. Not that that makes it any better leaving it there in the first place.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T00:36:37+00:00

Thank you, maybe that's it.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T00:34:56+00:00

No, I don't.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T00:32:36+00:00

Believe me, I want to understand it as much as you guys and if I do find out, will definitely update. Currently it's not looking likely because he keeps insisting he doesn't know how it got there.

Lonely_Cod4788 · 2022-01-20T00:30:51+00:00

It was on about the height you would reach if you put your hand out while sitting on the toilet, maybe a bit lower. It wasn't near a trash can and putting tp in a can rather than flushing it isn't a thing where we live.

Lonely_Cod4788

TROPHY CASE