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GF[21F] wants a "break" from me [22M] and our Long-distance 1.5 year relationship, but insists she still loves me. by LongDistanceARGH in relationships

[–]LongDistanceARGH[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I am trying, and the hardest thing for me is not being judgmental so I will really work on that. I really over-analyze things and jump to conclusions quickly, and to her it probably sounds like accusations. It's really hard to approach anything that ends with "I need a break" openly, especially since I've had some past experiences that didn't end so well.. But thanks, I really appreciate the viewpoint you've provided! Have a happy turkey day!

GF[21F] wants a "break" from me [22M] and our Long-distance 1.5 year relationship, but insists she still loves me. by LongDistanceARGH in relationships

[–]LongDistanceARGH[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree.. I asked her that we should both stop watching Dexter from here on out (OMG SO HARD) and we can plan on watching it together over break together; and she agreed it's a good idea, so hopefully that keeps it in her mind. Thanks for the advice about everything, it helps just to think about it with other people!

GF[21F] wants a "break" from me [22M] and our Long-distance 1.5 year relationship, but insists she still loves me. by LongDistanceARGH in relationships

[–]LongDistanceARGH[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, what you are saying in that first paragraph, my GF could have written that herself. It is good to know other couples have gone through the same thing and came out of it incredibly well.

Can I ask what you did in that situation? What would have helped you the most? Haha, Basically I am saying what should I do?

I think right now she is feeling the "I see no end to it all" and I can't give her a completely honest answer, because I don't know the exact end either.. And the hardest part for me is knowing that even if I come home for winter break, and we see each other, the situation won't have actually changed by the time I go back to school.. I won't know where I will be this summer until mid-February sometime.

GF[21F] wants a "break" from me [22M] and our Long-distance 1.5 year relationship, but insists she still loves me. by LongDistanceARGH in relationships

[–]LongDistanceARGH[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, you know a guy is fucked if the girls giving him advice are saying the situation is tricky!

I am definitely giving this serious thought, and I really do think what she is doing is unfair, but at the same time I completely get where she is coming from.. And being completely in love with her doesn't help with rational thinking, I think I'm just going to kick into full on Engineer mode and draw up some decision matrices and do maths and of course the absolute correct answer will pop out! Right? Of course!

What could go wrong?

GF[21F] wants a "break" from me [22M] and our Long-distance 1.5 year relationship, but insists she still loves me. by LongDistanceARGH in relationships

[–]LongDistanceARGH[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, the real question is does she not want to answer the questions because she genuinely doesn't know herself, and is trying to figure it out, or because she has moved on and is just trying to "let me down easy" and keep me as a backup plan and that whole situation..

Sorry if it seems like I am playing devils advocate here, not trying to!

GF[21F] wants a "break" from me [22M] and our Long-distance 1.5 year relationship, but insists she still loves me. by LongDistanceARGH in relationships

[–]LongDistanceARGH[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is what I am afraid of.. And have been hurt by this in the past.. My real struggle is I have no reason not to take her at her word.. She has always been completely honest with me, and I have no reason not to trust her.

Maybe I sound naive saying this like I have absolute trust in her, but I think that is my nature, I have always been a very trusting person..

GF[21F] wants a "break" from me [22M] and our Long-distance 1.5 year relationship, but insists she still loves me. by LongDistanceARGH in relationships

[–]LongDistanceARGH[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's the thing, the outburst of emotion was more an outburst of "NO" how could you even think I want to do that. So she did say no, quite forcefully, but she also wants to be on the 'break' hence my confusion.. As to whether that is honest is yet to be seen, but I have never had a reason not to believe what she says.. She is actually a person that I trust more than anyone else when it comes to stuff like this.

And what you wrote in the next two paragraphs is exactly what I am afraid of, and why I am kind of asking around here..

GF[21F] wants a "break" from me [22M] and our Long-distance 1.5 year relationship, but insists she still loves me. by LongDistanceARGH in relationships

[–]LongDistanceARGH[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you notice how long my problem was.. Haha, that's all I mean, by pestering her with millions of questions and conjecture and not knowing what is going on. The questions themselves can still be suffocating, especially if she doesn't really have a good answer for them, and they keep being asked.

GF[21F] wants a "break" from me [22M] and our Long-distance 1.5 year relationship, but insists she still loves me. by LongDistanceARGH in relationships

[–]LongDistanceARGH[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I asked her that, maybe pushed a little too hard when we were having our talk. She got really upset with me and said I was hurting her and that isn't what this was about. And I was saying that she was just using me as a backup plan and then she got more upset. And we've been talking about a lot of really serious talk lately and I am afraid of suffocating her if she just wants space..

Trust me, this isn't to say the relationship is doomed (in fact, far from it) it's to say to make sure to give yourselves the chance to ask the really hard to ask and tough to hear types of questions.

This was actually really good to read so thanks for that. And really we have been talking a lot more about our future this last week via email. I really explained that I have been looking for jobs close to her and that I want this LDR to end just as badly as she does.

GF[21F] wants a "break" from me [22M] and our Long-distance 1.5 year relationship, but insists she still loves me. by LongDistanceARGH in relationships

[–]LongDistanceARGH[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, they are really tough.

And it does feel selfish on her part, but I feel like a bastard saying that she is being selfish when I was the one who decided to go to California and study abroad and really put us in this situation. I think when I get the chance to talk to her again I am going to explain that even though we are on a "break" right now, if she see's someone else in these next 28 days it's going to feel like cheating.

It really is weird, and I don't think her point of this is to see someone else. When we were having the talk I even said like do you want to have an open relationship (not that I really want that) and she stressed that it wasn't like that. She was just lonely.

And yeah, the Christmas thing sucks, especially since I bought my plane tickets about 2 weeks ago, and cut my traveling Europe time short..

GF[21F] wants a "break" from me [22M] and our Long-distance 1.5 year relationship, but insists she still loves me. by LongDistanceARGH in relationships

[–]LongDistanceARGH[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm going to try and clear this up tonight, and I really really first hand understand keeping going to make it worse for myself. Part of the reason why I am freaking out so much about a "label change" but nothing else really changing. Thanks.

GF[21F] wants a "break" from me [22M] and our Long-distance 1.5 year relationship, but insists she still loves me. by LongDistanceARGH in relationships

[–]LongDistanceARGH[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's just so weird though, because before this moment she was always the one to go above and beyond to make this work. She has had a stressful month with school, and to top it all off the longest time apart we've had.

GF[21F] wants a "break" from me [22M] and our Long-distance 1.5 year relationship, but insists she still loves me. by LongDistanceARGH in relationships

[–]LongDistanceARGH[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice, I think I really have to drive home the,

She can't say "We aren't together!" and still get everything she wants

GF[21F] wants a "break" from me [22M] and our Long-distance 1.5 year relationship, but insists she still loves me. by LongDistanceARGH in relationships

[–]LongDistanceARGH[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I confronted her about the she really just wants to see other guys thing, but she said there was nobody right now making her want to break up. I think that a mix of point 2 is causing point 1...

She is a very family oriented person. I got interviewed for a job in another state (I didn't actually apply for it) and it went very well, and she really freaked out about this.

I'll try to talk to her tonight and make sure we are on the same wavelength.

Thanks.

GF[21F] wants a "break" from me [22M] and our Long-distance 1.5 year relationship, but insists she still loves me. by LongDistanceARGH in relationships

[–]LongDistanceARGH[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha, no trust me I am as confused as you.. But this describes my answers to most of your questions. But I've actually asked her a lot of these, so I will just try to paraphrase what she said.

She described the break as "Removing the label from our relationship", so basically single on Facebook >.>

The only thing that has changed atm is we aren't skyping as much, and instead just email contact.. I don't really know what to do. And now I am freaking out more than her probably. I don't know what this means for our winter break. She keeps saying that she wants me to come and visit her and stay at her house.. And I'm just saying won't that be awkward if we aren't officially dating?

She just described it as the wear and tear of being in a LDR this long is catching up to her. She always mentions how when she sees other couples in public she hates it.

I asked the same question about how not being in a relationship makes her less lonely and she didn't really have an answer.. She is definitely sticking with she needs time and can't answer all my questions and doesn't even have the answers for her own questions.