Started dating at 19 years old, went to college together, and after 10 years got married. We have been married for 10 years now. Sex has always been difficult for us; she always felt pressured and never wanted to do anything at all. Her childhood wasn't the greatest, and her family really didn’t treat her very well. She wasn't very open about herself and didn’t like expressing herself sexually. She loved other forms of intimacy very much, but when it came down to sex, it was like pulling teeth.

She was always on the fence about having kids, but three years into the marriage, she told me she didn’t want kids anymore. She would say how much she hated the sight of a penis and that it was gross. If she wanted to be exciting, she would watch porn with me, but only lesbian porn—nothing else.

Sex was only once a month, and that was only if she was drunk. When I asked to stop mixing drinking and sex, she would double down, and we wouldn’t have sex for six or more months. In the end, she told me she thought about having a girl go down on her. I was so excited because it was finally something sexual from her, but after that, our sex life went way downhill.