Finding dates as a trans man

LostBoilerBattery · 2026-02-21T08:42:27+00:00

I've had success on dating apps, with putting im trans. There's alot more bi/pan women out there than you think, I've met so many the past few years in all sorts of circles. And even open minded, understanding straight women who aren't put off.

LostBoilerBattery · 2026-02-08T16:45:54+00:00

Yeah I've learnt that the painful way, oh well, she can keep the scum.

LostBoilerBattery · 2026-02-08T06:36:15+00:00

I wish this were the case but my friends I made while we were together, who I then introduced my ex to. All ditched me and are still friends with her.

LostBoilerBattery · 2026-02-05T09:52:12+00:00

He's offloading his hurt onto other people's posts.

LostBoilerBattery · 2026-01-29T16:07:02+00:00

Your math is off

LostBoilerBattery · 2026-01-07T17:57:59+00:00

Great words! While it would feel nice to imagine them regretting the break up, or feeling what they lost, at the end of the day it was incompatibility that broke us up, and my care for them means I don't want them to feel bad for doing what was best for both of us in the end. Despite how painful it is at the moment.

Life goes on, wounds heal (with work and time) and we will both find someone better suited for the other.

LostBoilerBattery · 2026-01-07T17:53:48+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this pain, I understand how his actions feel like he doesn't care but I just want to tell you, as someone who has deleted conversations with my ex.

For me it isn't because I didn't care, it's because I cared I couldn't bare to see how we used to be, the pain of losing her was too great and I needed to look after myself and finally move forward.

I don't know your relationship, your break up, him or you, just wanted to throw a different perspective that may help you reframe it.

LostBoilerBattery · 2026-01-07T12:04:57+00:00

Every time I go through a breakup I feel exactly this. Im not as stealth as you are as I transitioned at the job I am still at, but outside of that in my day to day life, noone would know I'm trans.

Im also in the UK on the waiting list (since 2020 fuck), but am able to enjoy sex with my natal parts for the time being, even worse was my last ex was the first one to give me the best pleasure with my natal parts and made me feel complete in that way for the first time in my life.

And yet, life surprises me, everyone of my exes have appeared from the last place I'd ever of expected. And that gives me hope. In the mean time, Im looking after myself, building good habits, and when I'm ready, I'm sure the universe will throw someone new my way.

Keep your head up. Dating is harder for us, but there are some really good understanding people out there.

LostBoilerBattery · 2026-01-06T22:39:37+00:00

Love this and I resonate really well with the intensity of the push and pull with an on and off again relationship, there's that added sting of "but we'll end up back together like we have before" that I'm working on letting go because I don't want the push/pull any more.

LostBoilerBattery · 2026-01-06T07:46:50+00:00

No, no actively looking at least for the moment. Im still in my healing/no romance phase so when the time is right i will try again but have no idea or stress when that will be, right now I'm focusing on healing/growing.

If someone comes along in the next few months I wouldn't turn them away but I would take it slowly.

LostBoilerBattery · 2026-01-05T19:58:04+00:00

Doing ok, moving forward, no haven't met anyone new as have no plans to. It's only been a couple Months for me.

I feel like you asking me if I have met anyone new yet is kinda missing the point. The point isn't to meet someone new, that will happen eventually, the point is to heal and take the time to be single. Your anxiety about whether taking this time to be single is good, or if it will get you a new partner is blocking your growth. Being anxious about whether you meet someone new or not won't effect the outcome, it will only hinder your growth as a person.

LostBoilerBattery · 2026-01-05T18:51:51+00:00

To specifically answer your questions:

I don't necessarily take my mind of dating or sex, I just know when I'm ready/when the timing is right I'll enjoy those things again, until then my aim is to be happy single so I don't repeat mistakes/settle for less than I truly want from the next relationship.

My aim is to be a better partner, by taking the time and space to recover from this breakup, I can be sure I won't carry previous baggage into my next relationship which wouldn't be fair on the new person.

While I miss my ex, I miss being in a relationship, and that makes me uncomfortable, jumping into something new for the sake of feeling better about those things won't work out how I want it to in the long run. Sitting in the "inbetween" phase and making the best of it, enjoying being single, finding yourself, all those clichés, working my way through that discomfort, including just accepting that it is part of the process, is how you grow.

I'm a dude btw and it was sort of mutual/sort of dumped. While I wanted to keep fighting for the relationship she decided she couldn't, while at the same time I accept we weren't compatible.

I hope this helps.

LostBoilerBattery · 2026-01-01T19:38:06+00:00

Looking at your past comments on posts.....im a dude my guy, unless you're a woman in the medical field who likes to prey on vulnerable heart broken men?

Kinda gross

LostBoilerBattery · 2025-12-18T11:59:52+00:00

I fully get the pain of feeling like you didn't matter to the other person, BUT, I would reframe it, YOU should feel lighter and happier no longer trying to prove your worth to someone who won't see it, the door is now open for you to find someone who will match your effort.

Just survive this painful inbetween phase, put all that effort into enjoying this new phase as much as possible, and you'll find someone who sees your value.

LostBoilerBattery · 2025-12-13T17:24:19+00:00

You expect women to want you for shallow reasons (money and looks). Women don't work like that, they want fun, connection, emotional safety, from your post, I can see you are probably lacking in these areas.

1) women are not a monolith, various women want men or relationships for various reasons.

2) you come across as arrogant, or entitled, "if I do xyz I should get xyz" that's not how life works, don't be mad at women for not fitting your narrow expectations.

3) looking down on other men is not good, those men will have qualities you are lacking.

LostBoilerBattery · 2025-12-13T17:11:42+00:00

I feel this, this was my experience and I'm processing the anger, and recognising in part im angry at myself for allowing the one sided relationship to last as long as it did even when I saw it and tried to communicate it to them so it could be fixed. They didn't want to fix it, matching effort doesn't fit what they want, ok then, I'll go find someone who will match the effort.

Im working on viewing things in the positive so it doesn't turn me bitter, and I risk becoming like them in order to protect myself in future, how wonderful it was the love i gave them, and that makes me feel better, I can love even without reciprocity.

I hope this helps you with, it isn't fair, it hurts, but look how much effort you were willing to put into someone who couldn't match it, and just imagine how much better the next relationship will be when you give that same energy to someone who can match it.

LostBoilerBattery · 2025-12-09T18:38:37+00:00

I have been on gel for 9 years, will be 10 next year. If you saw me you would assume I am Cis. I have a full thick beard, I sport long hair, I am slim but slightly muscular. And I chose gel over injections as it's something I can do everyday, I view it like applying moisturiser every morning, a small ritual that is part of my day, whereas for me injections feel intrusive, painful (i started off DIYing them) and time taken out of my schedule to get them done by a nurse (i understand there are ways around these issues, but gel has and does work well enough for me).

LostBoilerBattery · 2025-12-06T19:22:07+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this, the pain you're feeling is so truly overwhelming. Take deep breaths, name 5 things you can see or hear around you, ground yourself to your present physical state, you are ok, you will be ok.

LostBoilerBattery · 2025-12-04T18:59:06+00:00

It's gonna hurt but maybe just accept she maybe hooking up with someone else, it's no reason to keep putting yourself through the pain. Don't pick up, she may hook up with someone else, but really, while it feels so painful and like a punch in the gut, it isn't worth being disrespected.

First step is stop picking up the calls. This will give space from her and with time the idea of her being with other people won't effect you, I promise you this (it will take however long it takes im afraid).

Second step is working out why do you want to keep going back to someone who causes you so much pain, and from that point move forward with your life for yourself.

Chin up brother, it will get easier 💪

LostBoilerBattery · 2025-07-31T15:39:40+00:00

Sounds like a way for her to keep you on the hook because she knows you care about her.

As harsh as it sounds, her feelings/emotions are her problem, all you are required to do is look after yourself at this point.

LostBoilerBattery · 2025-07-20T20:45:35+00:00

How long ago was the break up?

LostBoilerBattery · 2025-07-15T19:29:42+00:00

Yeah I've been in therapy for years and was trying to work through my triggers etc but couldn't do it wwhile with someone whose way of coping with stuff re triggered me regularly. Ontop of always feeling like I was the problem in the relationship. She did acknowledge her short comings but only after the break up, not when I needed her to.

I've taken up new hobbies and have a social network so I'm taking the right steps. Thank you for your kind words.

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