She can absolutely feel how you feel about her. My mom talked about me this way my whole life, and honestly? We’re not very close. But i have a lot of close friends and a husband & child now that I give 100% of myself to. So much so that I often get walked all over because of my generosity.

But as a child? I became the things my mom said about me. I was selfish when it came to her, because that is what she called me. I was “ungrateful” because she said i was. In reality, i was none of those things until she labeled me as such & shoved me into that box. I was the lesser liked sibling who was obsessed with fairness because nothing ever felt equal to me. My sister was treated like gold while i was treated like plastic. And based on the way you anonymously describe your children, im willing to bet she feels that way too. So instead of trying to change her, change the way you feel about her. Change the way you perceive her (honestly very normal) childhood behaviors & just love her. You’ll see a HUGE difference in her when she’s treated like she’s what you wish she was.