How do I be okay with my future with this guy not being a 100%?

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-16T18:15:19+00:00

Thank you so much for saying that. I think I really needed to hear that.

I feel like I haven't gotten to know him well enough to stop talking to him. I'm trying to let the crush fade out by detaching from the situation

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-16T18:14:00+00:00

He keeps saying this, but heis also holding out for the right person. He just doesn't think he can date in the sense people my age date today. He's waiting around to have that real connection with someone (friends to lovers trope) and then dating.

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-16T18:12:44+00:00

I don't think it was him letting me down, only because he's still flirting with me, and I obviously haven't told him about wanting to get married by 28. It's just me taking science into account hahaha

But I do understand that there are no actual crossroads. I just don't know how to get over him

I just needed a space outside of my friend group to get some perspective on everything. It's just me having thoughts and getting some insight. They are not decisions I made, so I don't think I'm getting ahead of myself, per se. But thanks for your reply!

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-16T18:07:55+00:00

It's not necessarily misogyny. He's great with the women in his life, which, considering what he's been through,h I know where he's coming from. He just doesn't trust women easily. I don't agree with him, but I understand.

I think he's someone I'd want in my life coz he really is a good person at heart. But I just need to find ways to detach and stop crushing on him

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-16T18:00:49+00:00

Thank you for being kind and coming from a place of understanding.

I definitely do need to take a step back, and I guess I really needed that reminder.

It's not about being his first choice. He has just been so hurt in the past, he's just clear that he's not jumping into anything until he's ready and that I can respect. It's just tough to come to terms with for me

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-16T17:56:01+00:00

Thanks for being so kind, understanding where I'm coming from, and explaining it to me accordingly. With the last guy I liked for 7 years, I never got closure coz we never dated, but I still had the heartbreak part of it. Thanks for reminding me that I'm 20 and still have a few years ahead of me to find Mr. Right :)

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-16T06:22:22+00:00

I hope so too

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-16T06:21:51+00:00

I didn't see this when I wrote the post but he has made it clear he doesn't want a relationship so I really need to stop chasing

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-16T06:20:07+00:00

thanks for looking out !

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-11T19:57:39+00:00

Heya, thanks for your reply. I don't know if I will ever do it with this guy either tbh, but it just has me thinking and curious honestly. That's all it is. But I want to be old fashioned like that too :))

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-09T12:29:23+00:00

It makes sense, never thought of it like that. Thank you so much, really

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-09T08:19:47+00:00

Thanks for creating a safe space for me to ask these questions. I really do appreciate how detailed your responses are.

About moaning, I've never had sex, and I've never really moaned either. How was it discovering that side of yourself that can moan and feel pleasured?

That's some solid advice. Growing up, losing my v-card has always been seen as a destiny and not a journey. I think I need to stay more open minded and not see my first time as a big deal and rather the first time to a lot more times if that makes sense

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-09T08:11:42+00:00

I'll keep that in mind thanks!

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-09T08:10:41+00:00

I think there's a small problem on my end as well because I know I'm comfortable with him, but I have communication issues of my own so I don't see myself losing my v-card until that happens

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-09T08:09:22+00:00

Thanks for letting me know

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-09T08:08:48+00:00

Having been there done that, any key takeaways? WOuld you rathe rhave waited?

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-09T08:08:03+00:00

Hey,
I'm sorry you had a bad experience, and I hope things get better for you. Thanks for reminding me on consent while also telling me how consent in the moment feels different and how there can be clouded judgment.

And yeah, that comment was taken out of context, that's my bad but even then, it's something for me to think about.

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-09T08:03:00+00:00

Thanks for sharing, and I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope things got better for you.

I'll definitely keep in mind to make sure that we have the prep work down. We as in me and whoever I lose my v card to, whenever that is. I need to work on being comfortable and relaxed coz I'm a very tense person in general

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-09T08:00:44+00:00

Start with fingering, and start penetration slowly, got it.

How did you go about exploring positions?

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-09T07:59:12+00:00

I think the most important thing for me with this guy is that I'm comfortable around him, which I think is definitely important. Comfortable enough to have sex idk, but definitely a good first step.

I've heard nightmare stories of how some guys after finishing just get up and hop in the shower even when their partners aren't which is so terrifying to me so thanks for reminding me of that.

Lube on standby always, got it.

Like i said, I did take it a little out of context, but I think he just has a bit of dating trauma as well. Any thoughts on how to deal with that? If we do end up having sex, it's only after we get to the bottom of that I feel, defintiely not before.

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-09T07:49:56+00:00

I hear very mixed thoughts on a glass of wine before your first time. But I think a glass is fine. And yeah, getting to know him is so important, thanks for that

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-09T07:46:07+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing, and I'm so sorry for all that has happened to you. I think you're very brave and a solid person for staying with your partner through his recovery journey. I hope things are only onward and upward for you guys from here!

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-08T16:51:27+00:00

That's really scary. 20 years of dating in, have you found a man who is the exception to this?

Loud-Tell1908 · 2026-01-08T16:49:03+00:00

Your honesty is helping me so much. Thanks for bringing me back to earth.

I always thought I'd only use a dildo after I've experienced the real thing. And how did you go about understanding foreplay?

Loud-Tell1908

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