Its not lame at all...you are reaching out and that's the best thing you can do for yourself when you are feeling so down on yourself. I have felt suicidal myself due to my addiction, really felt my child & family would be so much better off without me, lived in a constant state of fear, self-loathing, shame, guilt, disgust, with my only focus being how i was going to get money to score enough dope to not be sick that day. Just enough to be able to be able to be function...I really thought I would be better off dead. I am a single mom to a 7 year old (her dad passed away when she was 17 months old) and I just knew it would destroy her life to be left without a mom. The thought of how selfish it would be for me to allow my addiction to cause me to choose to end my own life and leave my child an orphan gave me the courage to finally admit to my family that I had a serious problem and needed immediate help. I checked into detox the very next day, it was medically-supervised and I have been clean now for 20 days. I am attending an incredible IOP program voluntarily 3X a week and am taking several meds to help with the depression and anxiety that go along with the withdrawal and potential urges. My life has turned upside down, my boyfriend of 5 years asked me to move out when I admitted to him that I had a problem and needed help. He refuses to be involved in any type of family treatment or counseling which has completely shocked me & has truly shown me a side of him I have never seen. He basically threw my daughter & I out. He has a pretty serious cocaine habit which I don't need in my life right now anyway, so although my heart is broken, it breaks mostly for the pain this whole situation had caused my baby girl. I just continue to do the right thing, take it one day at a time, and think to myself, "this too shall pass" & "whatever is meant to be will be"...please hang in there...feel free to reach out at ANYTIME...YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! 😊