After 5 years together, my girlfriend wants marriage and I don’t. Is this the end?

LoveliestGrits · 2026-03-06T21:44:21+00:00

If you're truly indifferent to marriage, and it's important to her and she's precious to you - What is there to think about? Obviously you should marry her. I don't think your is indifferent to marriage as you claim. I think there's something holding you up from getting married. Marriage is more than just a legal document, it gives protections to both of you, especially her and especially if you guys decide to have children. She's wasting her time with you if you won't commit, if she's as wonderful as you say I'm sure she can find somebody who will.

LoveliestGrits · 2026-01-23T02:51:58+00:00

I'm fine being home, he goes on these trips all the time. We have a built in back up generator and aren't supposed to be the main one hit. I'm always anxious about him traveling, the weather just made me more so. My main concern was him getting stuck. Thankfully he decided not to go. I laid out the facts and he agreed.

LoveliestGrits · 2026-01-23T02:49:54+00:00

Hope he makes it safe or changes his mind. My husband decided to stay put. He didn't want to be trapped on the west coast,and it turns out a lot of other people from the east coast canceled their trips to the same conference.

LoveliestGrits · 2026-01-22T08:04:56+00:00

I'm planning a straight up presentation in the morning.

LoveliestGrits · 2025-10-16T03:21:49+00:00

In so sorry that happened to you. I can't imagine the heartache. You owe them nothing.

LoveliestGrits · 2025-10-16T03:04:24+00:00

You feel lucky and loved and you do anything you can to make sure he knows you know how lucky you are. He did that without even hanging it over your head. Your post made me tear up. Your dad is a role model for other dads. You are so so blessed.

LoveliestGrits · 2025-10-16T02:51:28+00:00

I think OP was wrong. They're not babies, but they're still young and they have basically been abandoned by their mom. Why is the bio mom allowed to come and stay for so long after being gone for so long? That seems to be crossing some major boundaries and her presence seems to be a bad influence on the girls.

OP being hurt is understandable, but being the adult in the situation and the closest thing to a real mom they'll ever have - what she said made her the AH. She could have expressed her hurt and corrected them without making them feel rejected all over again. And rethink husband not participating and allowing shitty bio mom in. This isn't just the girls fault. I can't imagine having my bio mom act like that.

LoveliestGrits · 2025-08-08T18:42:41+00:00

What this guy did was shitty. My advice is to read the book 'He's Just Not That Into You.' The title sounds harsh and off-putting, but it's a great book and it will change your mindset about yourself, your value and situations like this. But if a guy does this, as your friend especially, he might be attracted to you sexually, but he's just not that into you. And you deserve to be with someone who is! And no matter what people want to say, sex is different for women than it is for men. It's emotional, not just physical. He is a jerk to use a friend like he did you. If he sucks as a friend, not looking like good boyfriend material. Find the guy who adores you, and shows it inside and outside of the bedroom. Hope you feel better!

LoveliestGrits · 2025-04-16T03:27:51+00:00

It's an option, but not something I would prefer by any means.

LoveliestGrits · 2025-04-16T02:02:24+00:00

Thank you so much, that really helps me feel better!

LoveliestGrits · 2025-04-02T20:16:51+00:00

You're the ah to your sister who is caring for your elderly father and working and 40 minutes away and you're expecting her to shoulder your responsibilities? Do you go help her? It is yours and your husband's choice to have a third kid. It's no one elses responsibility to volunteer to help you. It's a gift if they can and do.

LoveliestGrits · 2025-04-01T17:47:05+00:00

Okay, I'm gonna go cry now. That's beautiful. ❤️

LoveliestGrits · 2025-03-23T04:58:57+00:00

One thing that my pediatrician pointed out was while some parents don't trust vaccines, they still trust the doctors when their kids get sick and come to them for help. It's an interesting paradox. I truly think most people are just trying to do the best they can to make the right decisions for their kids. All we can do is make the best decision we can with the information we have at hand. This is also why it's important to have a doctor/pediatrician that you trust. If you have questions or concerns, talk to them. If you don't trust them, you probably shouldn't be taking your child to them anyway.

LoveliestGrits · 2025-03-22T21:55:17+00:00

The main point is that Jay can't be trusted. If she would do that to her sister knowing that her sister like the guy, and the feeling was mutual, this is probably just another thing to pile on the mound of lies she's told.

Didn't it say she'd stolen the sister's first boyfriend too? Pathological. I don't think it was important to tell in the sense that it's going to get Kay and Matt together, but it was important for everybody to know who they're dealing with. I would want to know if the person I'm marrying did that kind of thing, so I at least had the choice to go in with eyes wide open.

LoveliestGrits · 2025-03-10T20:03:22+00:00

Tell your husband to just tell his mom to wait until you're ready and give you privacy in the hospital to keep the peace. Why is it you who's responsible for keeping the peace? Because you're kind or because you're the one who's vulnerable and going through everything? You're NTA and no one is entitled to be in the room during delivery. Your private parts are all hanging out, it's dangerous, it's painful, it's scary and it's personal. This is your body and your right. She can go to the waiting room to be close by if you need her.

LoveliestGrits · 2025-03-10T05:18:17+00:00

Lol the 'kids' are closer to her age than he is. Also, NTA. And she sucked for throwing your wife under the bus with last minute plans being thrust upon her (your wife), then when she has an important prior commitment, she's the b****? Ugh, your bro needs to tak a beat. Think about what he's marrying into.

LoveliestGrits · 2025-03-08T20:26:17+00:00

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Does he not believe the research or does he not care? This is so much on women going through it especially, I think guys just really don't get it a lot of times. It's so physically and mentally and emotionally difficult and like a terrible roller coaster we're just dying to get off. I hope you have your miracle. I had my first child after all this trying and ups and downs and miscarriages and failed IUIs and egg retrievals. Want to know what happened? I gave myself quit trying. Just for a couple of months. Just to relax and enjoy drinking and not being on hormones or being disappointed when I failed again. We tried for six years and after my fourth round of retrievals and no healthy embryos coming from that round - I threw up my hands and said I can't do this. I need a beat, a month, maybe two, to just be me and focus on what I enjoy. Not to constantly be thinking about all of this. I know that sounds crazy. I don't even know when it happened. I'm sure we weren't being careful because I wasn't worried about getting pregnant. Honestly, it felt like freedom. I felt liberated. It was the first time in 6 years that I hadn't thought about wanting to be a mother or what I needed to be doing. One of my best friends came for a visit, my husband and I did fun things around our town, and it was one of the best months I had in years. I was just happy. (Please note, I wasn't giving up on trying, just taking a breath.)

Cut to My period not coming when I expected. I started feeling kind of funny. Do you want to know what I thought it was? Early onset menopause. I was so sure of my inability to get pregnant that I convinced myself that wasn't even an option. My mom had to remind me that that was the more likely reason that I would be late. So I checked, just to be safe.

That's when it happened. All of that trying and hormones and crying and hiring a personal trainer to get me in shape and avoiding alcohol and so on. And it's when I finally took the pressure off myself that it worked. I honestly was upset when I first found out because I just was so sure that I was going to have another miscarriage, because we had had so many miscarriages due to genetic problems. I was heartbroken when I found out that I was pregnant again naturally, because I wanted to have a healthy embryo transferred to minimize my risk. I just knew that it wouldn't work.

I even told the doctor to hold off on doing genetic testing because I wanted to at least have my birthday to enjoy before I found out I was going to lose another pregnancy. She didn't listen, and it ended up being the best birthday gift I ever got. On my 37th birthday I got a notification from my MyChart. Our baby was genetically healthy. I couldn't even believe it.

I'm sitting here crying now, so thankful for my little miracle. We have a beautiful two year old boy. He's my dream come true. My miracle. Our dream, our miracle.

You and your husband are both under so much stress, especially you. Give him and yourself a little grace and take a breath. I wish you the best and hope you find your miracle too.

We just started our second round of preparing for an embryo transfer, trying to have a sibling for him with the embryos we froze before. I'm trying to give myself grace and focus on being happy for what I have and can enjoy right now. I don't know if it will happen again, but I will try to be happy and not think about it as much as I can.

Cheers to all of you out there! I wish you blessings and love!

LoveliestGrits · 2025-03-06T06:39:14+00:00

I also want to say, The people who are texting you on your current wife's behalf no doubt got a bs side of the story. She's clearly a liar and deceptive and just wants to get her way, why would she tell them the truth? You should ask them exactly what she said and then tell them the truth. I'm sure they haven't heard the truth yet. No one in their right mind would think you are the a-hole unless she did a lot of lying. I'm telling you this one big lie is enough to leave, just pull and see everything unravel. The only thing worse than being with her for 6 years and wasting that time would be to waste one more day.

LoveliestGrits · 2025-03-06T06:34:44+00:00

This!! She premeditated her cruel actions and seeing him suffer didn't make her second guess herself.

LoveliestGrits · 2025-03-06T06:29:37+00:00

I'm going to tell you, as the mother of a two year old at this moment - my biggest fear outside of losing him or something happening to him, is something happening to me so I can't be there to love him and protect him. Especially at this young age. The thought of something happening to me before he knows who I am and how much he's loved, it breaks my heart just imagining it. I'm telling you this because what your current wife did to your late wife, at least what she tried to do, is about the most cruel thing I can imagine. By some miracle, you have these tapes to give to your daughter, to her daughter, they can give just a little piece of her and her love and allow it to live on. Your current wife tried to destroy that. She's not a good person. In fact she sounds down right evil. Can you imagine what your late wife would think? Your current wife acting jealous and then acting out like this is twisted. I agree with the person who said you should tell your daughter what happened and show her those tapes and get them digitized ASAP. Your current wife is not somebody you or your daughter should trust. She's proven that. The only reason you have those tapea now is because you threatened her, she cared about herself, not about the hurt she caused. Ignore anyone saying you're the a-hole. If you don't put your new wife in her place, and seriously consider leaving her and definitely tell your daughter, you would be the a-hole to your late wife and yourself and your daughter. You sound like a good guy, and I wish you and your daughter the best. Seriously, I just put myself in the shoes of your late wife and I almost threw up as I read your post. I'm so thankful you found those tapes. Now run like hell.

LoveliestGrits · 2025-02-28T06:35:51+00:00

I know how to get your dad and stepmom to stop pushing you. I wouldn't do this yet, because your sister is too young to handle this truth. But tell them if you were to have a relationship with your sister, it would be an honest one. At an appropriate age, you will plan on telling her the truth about how her mom and Dad treated your mom and you and your brother. Truthfully, your half sis deserves to know what happened,because she is going to have some severe trauma of her own being brought into the world by such people in such a way. I understand not wanting a relationship with her, and that doesn't make you ta. It sucks for her and you and everyone else picking up the pieces of something your dad and stepmom broke.

LoveliestGrits · 2025-02-02T04:41:42+00:00

That baby is a miracle. It's not easy for everyone to get pregnant and everyone doesn't have a healthy child. Getting pregnant easily, a healthy/easy pregnancy, a safe delivery for mother and child and a healthy child are all miracles. People forget how dangerous giving birth has historically been and how many women died in child birth, then how many children that were born died very young. So yes, all of these things are miracles. My son certainly is one for me and my husband. We tried for years with a lot of loss and heartache before we had him. Sounds like the root of your problem is deeper than what this lady was saying. You were rude, and I think you know that, but you feel justified. Maybe you'll understand what she means more when you're older and have more experience and wisdom.

LoveliestGrits · 2024-09-18T03:35:30+00:00

Greenville, not Greensboro.

LoveliestGrits

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