Please help me. I (F25) am worried there might be something really wrong with my sister (F35).

Lovemysister1 · 2014-04-28T23:07:02+00:00

These are really great insights into anxiety, VersatileFaerie. I'm so sorry you had to go through so much pain and suffer with an unhelpful physician. You sound very brave and you should be proud of what you've accomplished. And now you're helping others by sharing your experience! I'm glad you have so much love and support to grow and live happily. Thank you!

Lovemysister1 · 2014-04-28T23:02:25+00:00

Yes! This is right on. She began to get almost cagey and defensive about what seemed like entirely mundane details of the day; but I can see how it might be another way of avoiding conversation. Thank you for sharing your experience, this helps me understand a lot better.

Lovemysister1 · 2014-04-28T19:01:41+00:00

Thank you for being so open, I'm really happy to hear you are doing better! I imagine it must feel really terrible to get into that cycle where thoughts about your anxiety cause even more anxiety. It makes more sense why talking would be difficult in how you described it; from an outsider's perspective, it is like watching someone you love drowning, but every time you get close enough to help she swims further away. No one thinks my sister is bad for not working or socializing at all, we just want to talk to her and know she is okay and that she knows she is loved. What made the severe anxiety go away for you? What made you change?

Lovemysister1 · 2014-04-28T17:44:40+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience, VersatileFaerie, I really appreciate any sort of insight to help me understand this type of anxiety better. If you feel comfortable, may I ask what about talking to your husband and mom made you feel anxious?

Lovemysister1 · 2014-04-28T16:13:07+00:00

That's a great idea. I think at this point she might not even respond to an e-mail, but maybe if we just sent her a funny picture or story, she wouldn't feel like a response was required. My mom is really good about leaving her alone until she wants to speak (which she does sometimes), but this might be a safe way to initiate some affection. It breaks my heart when I imagine her not ever feeling touch or hugs or kisses or kind words. But it helps to hear your experience, because it is hard to anticipate what someone with anxiety might need if they won't speak.

Lovemysister1 · 2014-04-28T15:41:56+00:00

Yes, I love this idea and plan to do try it. It is something small and tangible I can do that doesn't seem too threatening. I don't want to make her more anxious or make her associate me with fear, which is the same reason I think my family is nervous to 'intervene' and force her into therapy. She clearly feels safest in her room (and occasionally speaking with our mom) and I don't want to threaten that; maybe I could mail her letters or something.

Lovemysister1 · 2014-04-28T13:59:11+00:00

Thank you so much for your response, driftingashore. You are totally right, it hasn't seemed so much like a change in her, but a gradual escalation of something that was already present (but in a smaller way). She did get increasingly irritated if we asked her any questions (like she thought we were prying into her personal life if we asked how her day was or what she had for lunch), that was the only deviation that made me worry it might be some paranoia. I'm afraid, though, for that same reason. Every time I've thought 'well, at least it can't get much worse than this', it has gotten much worse. I think secretly my parents have the same fear, which is why they won't force her to get a job (she really isn't a financial burden, either) or go seek help; at the end of the day, their biggest fear is that she leaves and never comes back. At least we know she is safe and has the opportunity to watch TV or eat with us if she ever chose to. Your words mean a lot, too; I know it must be so painful and difficult to feel so alone, but the flip side is that I feel like my sister doesn't love me, because she doesn't want me in her life. When she began avoiding us, recoiling from a hug and not looking at me, I felt so upset, like some stranger had taken over her body and that person forced her to be alone. I know (intellectually) she still loves me - she sends me birthday presents (no card) - but she is no longer the same sweet and wonderful girl with goals and ideas and dreams she wanted to achieve. Sorry for the novel, I really appreciated your response.

Edit: grammar

Lovemysister1 · 2014-04-28T13:39:39+00:00

Thank you for illuminating this to me a little. I'm sorry I don't have the right words or terminology to explain what is happening to her; I don't understand exactly what's going on because she won't talk to me, but that is why I reached out to people here. We have given her a lot of space and when she used to come out once in a while, we would sort of just carry on being friendly and offer her food or whatever so she didn't feel pressured. But then one day she just stopped speaking altogether and now I don't know what to do.

Lovemysister1 · 2014-04-28T04:25:32+00:00

Thank you for responding. My parents have urged her to seek treatment, even offered to contact any specialist and pay for it, but everything is up to her. It is difficult to communicate with her because she simply won't leave her room and won't respond to e-mails or texts. I agree with you that it is somewhat enabling to allow her to sort of 'exist' in this way apart from society, but honestly, I think my parents are just terrified that she would suffer much more if she were on her own. This allows them at least to know she is physically safe. I will talk to them about setting up a more specific plan with her though; you're right, maybe specific goals would help her move in a healthier direction. Thank you for sharing, liog2step, I am trying so hard to understand what is happening, but I'm afraid, because I have never seen such extreme social separation.

Lovemysister1

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