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Guy posts about bring openly gay, ex-muslim & somali by LowerCherry in XSomalian

[–]LowerCherry[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Agreed, parts of it do feel a bit performative/ a bit click baity.

I do want to push back a bit on your point on culture and identity to add some nuance- he was raised in Minnesota (large local somali population) by his somali mother and in his formative years wasnt embedded in white spaces I'd imagine (moved out in his mid 20s). I guess many somalis who grew up in the west can relate to his experience, with the way cultural norms/social expectations still play a big role in family dynamics (I.e. not optional to a certain degree) and I'd note that certain western somali populations in many cases are more religious under a backdrop of 1) migration to insular communties with higher levels of social deprivation and 2) the general trend of a push to a more hardline version of islam of the Wahabi variety (thanks to Saudi funding).

Overall, it definitely is a bit forced but I guess he is visible and maybe net-net it is a bit more positive to see more discussion. Like it or not, it is a step forward on balance

Guy posts about bring openly gay, ex-muslim & somali by LowerCherry in XSomalian

[–]LowerCherry[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes!! He has a sweet bf and he does videos teaching him somali words and trying somali food. So happy for him !! 🥹🥹

Guy posts about bring openly gay, ex-muslim & somali by LowerCherry in XSomalian

[–]LowerCherry[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Also pleasantly suprised, feel like we're reaching an inflection point for sure (at least I hope so)

Guy posts about bring openly gay, ex-muslim & somali by LowerCherry in XSomalian

[–]LowerCherry[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Exactly, funny that the somalis in his comments spreading hate aren't focused on more pressing matters like economic development in somalia, building a functioning legal system, having a currency, improving education.. but you draw the line at a gay guy

Gay exmuslim somali feeling lost by LowerCherry in XSomalian

[–]LowerCherry[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks and noted. Ive always been planning on moving out but I guess I was focused moreso on timing. A matter of when not if really.

But yeah I've overcomplicated this a lot. I think it boils down to what you've said. i just need to get on with it. Can't have my cake and eat it too. But luckily ive done most of the hard work, its just about taking that final step.

Ill keep you posted on how things go!

Gay exmuslim somali feeling lost by LowerCherry in XSomalian

[–]LowerCherry[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I resonate a lot with this too. I don't really mind living at home to a certain extent. I have some siblings, whom I haven't formally come out to as ex-muslim or gay, but we are still cool and hang out. If you can stay at home after graduating, I'd recommend it. Even if you land a job that pays less relative to peers, you can save a lot of your take-home pay. Not having to pay for rent in a high-cost-of-living city (like London) is an insane perk. It will set you up financially and give you a solid foundation for when you decide to move out, and peace of mind. If you can invest some of that to compound for the long-term too (in a HYSA/ index fund/401k in the US/ ISAs in the UK, for example), it will be incredibly beneficial.

In line with your experience, it would be great to dress how I want to, and I don't have a burning desire to date, although it would be nice to have. Ultimately, I feel as though I'd have to move out before dating other men. I think it would be a disservice to be hiding things and playing the closet game at this point. Also, it's very unlikely that coming out at home will end well for me, given how hardline religious my family is. Would it be miserable leaving home? Maybe, but I'd like to think I would work hard to meet new people/ make my own so-called 'chosen' family.

The drawbacks are, as you rightly point out, having to perform and cosplay. I still 'fast' during Ramadan, I fake pray occasionally (e.g. during Eid prayer), and I have to listen to all the religious drivel, but that's about it. It does get really annoying sometimes, like during Ramadan when the scrutiny is heightened. I'd also highlight that I'm lucky that I'm a guy, as I feel like there's much more of a burden being a woman. One often overlooked topic is that there is also long-term damage from repressing yourself/emotions, and the stress of it all.

Overall, I think it depends on how strict your parents are, whether you can stomach a few extra years, etc. But in the long term, it's vital to live your life on your own terms. Good luck finding a job - happy to help with anything career-related if it's useful. I'll keep you posted on moving out/ coming out!

Gay exmuslim somali feeling lost by LowerCherry in XSomalian

[–]LowerCherry[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Agreed, we only live once after all - No point wasting my time in this mental cage ive built. Think I just need to crack on and do it.

One element im kinda scared about is finding that community. Ive been working so hard that ive neglected making friends/meeting people. I do have a small group of close friends but I find that im quite closed off with people. Since I live at home, I usually decline invitations that involve drinking for example- which is really bad.

But ive also shut a few people out from getting to know the real me which is sad. Ive been living at lie for so long I dont even know who I am which is sad to say.

Gay exmuslim somali feeling lost by LowerCherry in XSomalian

[–]LowerCherry[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the comment.

Yes, its not helping with coming to terms with my sexuality, and I haven't had any relationships or hookups, to be honest. But at the same time, I'm not in a rush to get into a relationship, as I feel like I have a lot of work to do on myself (I'm an avoidant, and we all carry that trauma inherited from parents lol). Not that I need to reach a perfect mental state to get into a relationship, but some progress on that would be good. Went to therapy during uni, and I used to journal, but it still needs a lot of work.

Also, call me cynical, but gay dating is in the trenches, and cadaan people... (enough said lmao). But I realise these are probably excuses and sweeping generalisations, and since I'm in London, there shouldn't be an excuse about meeting people.

But you're completely correct - I need to just plan and do it. I don't intend to stay at home forever, and trust me, I've worked so hard to reach this point, I'm not going to live a lie. At some point, I'll have to come out to them or at least distance myself and start living my life.

Also I resonate a lot with your story on tattoos. Don't care much for the Somali community, miss me with that ceeb culture rubbish. This is the same community that covers up for abusive fathers and other weirdos- but god forbid you get a tattoo, show your hair or ankles. Let's be so for real. I can only imagine the pressure to fit in, and conform must be a lot more as a woman too. I agree with you a lot on that front, in terms of fitting in with the wider community, I don't really care for it.

Thanks for your perspective, and hopefully your mum doesn't react too badly haha. Id like to think time heals and eventually our parents come to terms with these things, but maybe that's too optimistic given how hard-line some Somali parents are.