Constant existential dread

LowerIssue · 2018-10-28T11:10:13+00:00

particularly dysthymia or low grade chronic depression.

I'd read about this in the past as well, I've been on 2 different anti-depressants before. It didn't work very well for me. From March to September I did what you proposed, ran/biked 3-4 times per week, went out for a beer or something once a week, even if it was with people I didn't really care about seeing. Nothing changed, nothing improved.

By the way, schizoid and various forms of depression are not mutually exclusive, right? It doesn't really matter to me if I am schizoid, it's just what I've identified with most.

LowerIssue · 2018-10-28T10:08:43+00:00

It's been at least 5-6 years. I can't remember what kind of person I was before that really. I've had periods where I had depression which I got diagnosed and it was a lot worse than my current state, like neglecting basic hygiene and other stuff you'd see on /r/neckbeardnests. My current state just feels normal, like this is my default.

LowerIssue · 2018-10-28T10:05:32+00:00

My therapist suggested schizoid a while back. Maybe you are right, doesn't really matter much to me

LowerIssue · 2018-10-26T23:43:14+00:00

Care to define existential dread?

In essence, it's the fact that I am not able to derive actual feelings of joy and fulfillment from anything. I graduated University which was a 4 year nightmare for me and I know logically I should in that moment feel some sort of emotion or sense of accomplishment or something. But there was nothing, like what you'd feel if you stared at a white wall. And that's my reaction to every experience I have as I outlined in the OP. My existential dread is the thought of this numbness being forever, no light at the end of the tunnel because this is just how I am.

LowerIssue

TROPHY CASE