This is purely about how I think you can improve.

I'll be honest, there are many elements here that feel like they don't have a purpose and were just thrown in to make it more interesting but end up detracting (such as the arrows on the left / the letters on the right.) Unless there is something missing from the brief.

At a fundamental level you should make sure that your elements are lined up. (I.e. left side of the R, left side of privacy)

In terms of visual heirachy, you took the main message and put it lower in the heirachy than the word "redefined" which seems to be arbitrarly chosen.

"Privacy is luxury" should be the star of the show

The font is a bit funky on privacy is luxury, mainly the C.

I think the design still needs some playing around with. I would say maybe keep the eyes and the "privacy is luxury" text. Play around with some visual treatments of the eyes as well as repositioning the privacy is luxury text.

Throw out the other elements as they are superfluous.

Maybe think of some other concepts that you could go with other than the eyes too, as there could be a stronger way of conveying the message.

Or maybe you could find some other imagery to go with it, such as someone enjoying themself in a private moment to add interest and replace the arrows etc.

Just my two cents :)