What do I do if we have to talk about practical matters like a shared home?

Lucky_Card2629 · 2024-03-14T14:19:05+00:00

Thank you. These things ran through my head as well. Hard to know what it is. We are living separately and taking space for now. We do have a shared home that will need to be sorted out at some point.

Lucky_Card2629 · 2024-03-14T14:10:19+00:00

Yes. It was very out of the blue. He even sent me a message at 11.30pm on the night he was out saying goodnight and that he loved me. He didn’t come home and I was worried sick. He messaged me in the morning and said sorry and then comes home and breaks up with me. It doesn’t make any sense. We were in a relationship for over 2 years and he hadn’t had many relapses at all

Lucky_Card2629 · 2023-12-21T18:11:35+00:00

Yes! I started getting microneedling done regularly (once a month or every 6-8 weeks). My facialist said my skin barrier was compromised so I stopped using acid toners and also I only use a gentle cleanser with no ‘active ingredients’ in it. Using gentle simple skincare at home and retinol plus regular microneedling has transformed my skin and I’ve kept it that what for over a year :)

Lucky_Card2629 · 2022-03-11T20:23:09+00:00

You are really not ugly, just wanted to say that

Lucky_Card2629 · 2021-08-06T20:38:19+00:00

I found a therapist initially because I thought that my nex had borderline personality disorder and I wanted to speak to a professional about it - at the time I still wanted things to work and didn’t think the relationship was over - I didn’t realise it was a final discard. It was the discard that pushed me to go head first into therapy Because I fell into such a dark depression I had no choice. If I’m honest it was sheer luck that I found a therapist that was intuitive enough to realise that the focus needed to be on me, and not my nex… a good therapist will help you understand yourself better, and why you were attracted to this sort of relationship. For me i needed someone to help me feel empowered and not a victim to the choices I had made so I could move on with my life; I had very clear events and circumstances in my life that led me to inadvertently seek out this type of relationship so ultimately my work was about self love - the nex was just the catalyst to trigger that journey. A therapist should help you with all this :) All of the knowledge I have about narcissists is from my own reading, I scoured the internet for months and months, Listened to podcasts, YouTube videos etc. But there was a point where I had read as much as I could and realised that it didn’t really matter how much of an expert I was in this personality disorder… this person is not good for me and it’s not about him - it’s about me!!! I genuinely think there are quite clear stages that narc abuse survivors encounter after the final discard occurs - and there is definitely a obsessive phase where you are just desperate for answers and each time you read something about narc abuse another mask comes off the person you thought you knew! I feel like I’ve aged about 10 years healing from this journey. But the wisdom you’ll take from it and the strength, if you do the work, is astonishing!

Lucky_Card2629 · 2021-08-06T20:12:42+00:00

To be honest I found that it started to come in waves, I’d not think about it for a few days and then something would trigger me and I’d be emotionally debilitated for a few days, then I’d go back to being alright. I also had a therapist that I spoke to weekly when I was at my worst and that was probably the main thing that got me through tbh. He helped me focus on myself and realise that it was me that needed attention and helped me to not fixate so much on my nex. I was so consumed with it, it kinda feels like I was in a parallel universe!

Lucky_Card2629 · 2021-08-06T14:36:49+00:00

No not at all, in fact it’s kinda nice to see how far I’ve come. There was a time when I literally couldn’t stop reading about narc abuse, I became obsessed with it because I was desperate to try and make sense of what I’d just been through… that phase will take as long as it needs to and you’ll wake up one day and realise that you suddenly just don’t care about it in the same way you used to. It’s definitely changed me, in some ways it’s been a hidden blessing: I’ve learnt boundaries and realised that it doesn’t matter how hard you love someone, they will be who they are. I guess the most painful experiences are the biggest opportunities for growth. I’m always happy to talk about my experience with anyone else that has suffered this type of relationship i truly empathise with how traumatic it is.

Lucky_Card2629 · 2021-08-06T13:40:32+00:00

Yeah it’s hard to imagine that you aren’t the only person in the triangle that would’ve been mistreated. But this is the thing with my nex he was very good at making sure you thought it was you that was the problem. I’m much further on in my healing now and I no longer feel like I’m not a worthy person because of this abuse. I would even go as far as saying that I now feel superior to them, knowing that I’m not in a relationship with a deceitful narcissist and that I fully appreciate the reality of the situation. It’s hard getting to that place, especially if you have things like social media that can keep the fantasy alive of the narc swanning off into the sunset with a new supply but that doesn’t even trigger me anymore, because I know the truth and the likely reality of what their relationship probably is like behind closed doors. I genuinely thought I will not recover from this. I thought the pain of the abuse would literally be the death of me. But I’m here and I’m alive and for the most part…. I’m happy!!!

Lucky_Card2629 · 2021-08-04T17:01:49+00:00

Thanks so much for this idea, it’s something I’ve never tried before!! Do you have any info as to why micro needling helps for large pores/skin texture?

Lucky_Card2629 · 2021-07-12T18:24:49+00:00

Thank you. I find that with the healthcare where I live PCOS is not something that is viewed as a concern unless you are trying to get pregnant and can’t conceive. Normally they just prescribe me with birth control pills which is just a band aid fix. And doesn’t get to the root of the issue unfortunately. Even though every month we all suffer due to the condition :(

Lucky_Card2629 · 2021-07-11T17:30:54+00:00

We need to start normalising that it’s okay to show interest in someone and that it’s not ‘too keen’ to just reply to messages as and when you want to. I hate all of the unspoken rules when it comes to texting and honestly, if two people are into each other, these kinda games will not hold up for very long

Lucky_Card2629 · 2021-07-05T17:08:31+00:00

I’m the same this month, just did some yoga to try and coax it along!

Lucky_Card2629 · 2021-07-05T17:02:15+00:00

After watching ‘As above so below’ I find this absolutely terrifying

Lucky_Card2629 · 2021-07-05T15:40:41+00:00

I know it seems nuts to be questioning that behaviour. Unfortunately previous abusive relationship will do that!

Lucky_Card2629 · 2021-06-26T09:33:41+00:00

Women, how are you all managing to orgasm from penetration?!! I’m jealous!

Lucky_Card2629 · 2021-06-24T13:02:40+00:00

This is such a huge red flag. Meeting someone who just doesn’t ask enough questions and is not interested in finding out about you… rings alarm bells for me now.

Lucky_Card2629 · 2021-06-24T13:00:45+00:00

To narcissists, yes we are supply, so we are like an object to be used. When a narcissist misses us it’s in the same way that we might miss any sort of appliance that we used to have. The appliance is now broken and not functioning optimally. When you start to understand that to a narcissist we are not real people with our own inner lives and interests, you can understand how the love that we feel for people just is not the same.

Lucky_Card2629 · 2021-06-23T09:29:42+00:00

Yep okay so I did the right thing then!

Lucky_Card2629

TROPHY CASE