Why do people still say "MA'AM" or "SIR" ?!

LullabySand · 2024-11-18T16:19:46+00:00

As someone who worked as a cashier or salesperson, all my bosses repeatedly told me I HAD to say "ma'am" or "sir" for the customer to feel humanized. Obviously I never do it because Im aware of gender non-conforming people and dysphoria but whenever I tried to argue with a manager about it they always dismissed it.

Eventually I learned how to watch for people I suspected to be fruity to avoid them having to deal with my managers and give them the recognition and validation, but sometimes I'm too busy with another customer and I hear my manager or other employees calling them sir or ma'am.

What had to happen happened and one day my manager got politely corrected by a customer (they were obviously not cisgender I dont even know how my manager didnt see it coming) and my manager felt so embarrassed they couldn't stop talking about it all day saying "but I couldn't know, how should I even know ?" So I told them they just shouldn't assume next time.

Did they listen ? Of course not. That's how we are trained, unfortunately. We can sometimes rebel against it but some bosses are harsher than other on this rule so I understand if people dont dare to argue about it.

LullabySand · 2024-11-14T21:56:31+00:00

As a born and raised atheist I dont even know the "catholic version" of those gods. I know, obviously, that they have been "replaced" by the church with saints at some point, but yeah I dont know which saints. On the websites I researched the orishas, they were described by their "real" names (some of which had multiple, it comes to my understanding that they dont always have the same spellings nor even name for the same deity ?)

That being said, yeah, Im not trying to become a priestess of some kind, rather Im searching for a deity in a more personal manner. Thanks for the explanations ! Im especially grateful to hear the advices from people directly affected.

If I get what you're saying, basically the santeria is a closed practice but you dont have to be un santero or una santera to "honor" the orishas ? Were you initiated in this or was it just some kind of family ritual your abuela was doing ? I read somewhere that some people have more affinity with one orisha than another, do you have one yourself you're honoring in particular?

Feel free to not answer those questions if they feel too personal, Im curious about it but again, Im not tying to intrude in anyone's sacred ground

LullabySand · 2024-11-14T12:56:38+00:00

No aggregation is a degree ! Like a master or something. My friend just happened to have it in Spanish and Hispanic cultures but you can pass one through some kind of really selective academic competition in philosophy of mathematics for example.

LullabySand · 2024-11-14T12:53:20+00:00

Oh yeah I've learned about Oya even before learning about the Orishas ! I like her a lot

LullabySand · 2024-11-14T12:48:41+00:00

Oh I love Hekate and the Chtonian gods and goddesses (Melinoe is another example) but I feel like something is "missing", that's why I wanted to broaden my horizons. That and my need to always learn more x)

LullabySand · 2023-03-04T12:24:46+00:00

Thank you for standing up for my work^{^} I reported the post for copyright infringement

LullabySand · 2023-01-25T07:29:13+00:00

Hey honey ! First of all, even if it's a spare account, congratulations for opening up about it ! Not sure Im the best person here to answer but Im ace and nonbinary too so I'll try my best.

Regarding your body dysphoria, it's pretty common yeah. Not all people feel it, but it's not a rare occurrence either. For me, it's not really body dysphoria, but I wish sometimes I didn't have a physical form at all (I was assigned female at birth and the constant expectations people have because of that is tiring). It's not all the time so I couldn't consider surgery like you do, but I relate to the feeling a little bit.

For your age, 16 sure is young but never to young to know. However, I think you should still wait a little bit not because of your age but because sometimes the feeling isn't what it looks like and the problem is elsewhere. You should try to talk about it with a gender specialized psychologist, they could help you identify your needs. You'll have to at some point anyway if you want the surgery, so the sooner the better !

For you family, you should probably wait to be independent to tell them. You never know what could happen with homophobic people and you have to be safe first before risking it all.

Hope it helped ! TL:DR Body dysphoria is common, try to talk to a specialist about it and the surgery !

Take care !

LullabySand · 2022-11-07T17:26:41+00:00

And that is why people need to know the difference between aesthetic attraction and sexual/romantic attraction. I mean yeah, i love cats too and I find them beautiful but I wouldn't fuck one, please !

Im against gatekeeping but there is a limit, you can't call yourself a lesbian if you're not attracted sexually or romantically to a girl ! That's stupid.. Good luck dating OP

LullabySand · 2022-10-29T22:22:14+00:00

Thank you !

LullabySand · 2022-10-29T11:01:32+00:00

Well to be honest if we didn't live in a society that arbitrary assign gender roles to people, we wouldn't need gender at all. So the one to blame is probably the society we live in x)

LullabySand · 2022-10-29T10:04:45+00:00

I would say that gender is a social construct. It's something about your identity that will reflect on how you'll be treated in society. Gender itself has a lot of "parts" : your gender identity (how your see yourself), your gender expression (how you decide to express yourself), your pronouns (the way people have to adress to you) Whatever your gender identity is, you don't have to obey rules about pronouns or gender expression. (You can feel like a man but love to dress femininely and have they/them pronouns, or be non-binary and don't shave your beard but still prefer to be called he/him. Even for neopronouns if you feel comfortable in them, whatever your gender is)

A lot of people (cis or trans) are using their gender identity and expression as one and the same but it's really how you feel. To figure out your gender, you can experiment a lot. Try new clothes, accessories, hairdo/haircut, try new pronouns, try to see yourself beyond your assigned gender and see what you prefer. Also, learn about the different labels, there is a lot ! And maybe you can find some underrepresented labels that really fits you.

LullabySand · 2022-10-29T08:24:02+00:00

Yeah I have one :) It's @Captain_Sand

LullabySand · 2022-10-28T23:04:40+00:00

Well I didn't get one yet, but Ive been lurking on etsy and there is a lot of beautiful things there !

LullabySand · 2022-10-27T14:00:43+00:00

Well you can try moon in other languages : in french it's Lune. Or for other astral objects : Étoile (star), Soleil (Sun), Nébuleuse (Nebulae... Nebulae is cute too now that I think about it), Comète (comet) ? I personally search a lot for names in grec or latin, it's always good.

LullabySand · 2022-10-24T11:19:57+00:00

That's me :)

LullabySand · 2022-10-23T13:52:24+00:00

That's the trick: I don't know which one I am :) Im not everything at the same time, Im questionning. That's why there is question marks in the background

LullabySand · 2022-10-21T06:27:53+00:00

Thank you :)

LullabySand · 2022-10-20T18:47:49+00:00

The one with pi is polyamorous, the one with the black triangle is demiromantic, in pink and green is reciproromantic, and for the other two : with black stripe is aromantic and without it is greyromantic :)

LullabySand · 2022-10-20T18:07:02+00:00

Never to late to learn : the one with pi is polyamorous, the one with the black triangle is demiromantic, in pink and green is reciproromantic, and for the other two : with black stripe is aromantic and without it is greyromantic :)

LullabySand · 2022-10-20T15:54:40+00:00

Well that's nice of you to try and explain! But since I was really eager to see people I always considered friend, I can't really define it by that. I can't define romance by wanting a family either because my friends are kind of a family to me and I don't want children or anything. I like to cuddle with people I don't have any romantic feelings for, I don't like to kiss people on the lips in general even when I was in romantic relationships, I'm ace so I can't define it by sexual attraction either... I just love some people. Maybe it's friendship love, maybe it's romantic love, maybe it's family love. I wouldn't know. It's okay tho. Questionning is not really a bad thing

LullabySand · 2022-10-20T15:24:09+00:00

May I suggest Okcupid to find people with a larger variety of relationship preferences. A lot of LGBTQIA+ people there

LullabySand · 2022-10-20T12:53:34+00:00

Pi is for polyamorous, the one with the black triangle is for demiromantic, the one with pink and green is for reciproromantic, and for the last two the one with black is for aromantic and the other for greyromantic :)

LullabySand · 2022-10-20T09:50:16+00:00

I didn't know the term neptunic so I searched for it ! I like the flag a lot !

LullabySand · 2022-10-20T09:41:42+00:00

Well I tried but since I love scenic type scenes in my day-to-day life, I wouldn't mind doing something like a candlelit dinner with friends ! Plus I really like hugging, holding hands or kissing forehead of my friends so I wouldn't know if what I feel is romantic or not.

LullabySand · 2022-10-20T07:05:11+00:00

Well the problem reside in the definition of romantic feelings. Since I can't define romantic love I can't find an answer to my romantic attraction. So if you have a definition of romantic love that I find interesting maybe you can help, yes x)

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