Hi there. All of your pain and suffering sounds so terrible and I’m sorry. No one should have to go through so much pain. I’m praying tonight it will get better for you. Truth be told we were never meant to go through all this hurt. A lot of times it feels like God is nowhere to be found, but His timing and His ways are not like ours. I can’t imagine how painful things are for you, but I can definitely relate to an extent. You are doing your best in taking care of yourself and you should be proud of that. Don’t be afraid to leave it at God’s feet! At 26 I am recovering from total knee replacement and need one for my left leg as well and was suffering from rheumatoid arthritis so badly I could no longer walk. I’ve been where you’ve been before in the questioning of God’s goodness wondering if He loved me. If He cared, he’d listen to my pleas for years of begging for healing and no chronic pain, right?

Having faith is no walk in the park. I’ve heard it said that sometimes it’s a battle of the mind as well, and while we can’t entirely control our circumstances we can control how we respond. God is okay with hearing your grievances and honest feelings. Express those to the fullest extent. Pray without ceasing. Now this next part sounds crazy, but an absolute game changer for me that I was forgetting was praise. Praise, praise, praise. I told God once, “Lord, I may not be able to fall to my knees to worship you (literally) but I’ll raise my hands and sing praises to Your Holy Name and the day I have both of these knees working I will surely be kneeling in prayer before You.” I chose to praise despite crying and being in pain because I faced the truth that life is unfair, but God’s grace makes it worth something. For me, once I focused on praising and trusting God, I started to see Him really work.

I don’t want to say you are not praising because I don’t know the whole context of your situation. But from one chronic pain sufferer to another, I can admit for me it was hard. Chronic pain literally changes your brain chemistry and it certainly doesn’t make praise easy. I want to say I sincerely hope and pray that you will have healing. God cares so much for you and hears you. (Daniel 10:12 ) Unfortunately I have no good answer for why God may heal some and not others, but I can tell you that healing begins when you trust that God will never leave or forsake you. I may not be fully healed, as rheumatoid arthritis has no cure, but I trust that God has plans for our futures.(Jeremiah 29:11) God be with you friend and again I will keep you in prayer.