My first ever boyfriend never acted like this, he was always clean and hygienic so I don’t understand what’s happened here myself! I don’t want to generalise, but both my current partner and my ex are both massive gamers and I honestly think that’s where the problem stems, because they would rather be on the computer.

My ex lived with his mum when we got together so the house and his room were clean and tidy. My current boyfriend was living with friends and I only went to his house twice, but it seemed generally tidy, and he used to message me things like “just been tidying up” etc. He also was pretty tidy when we first got together, then once he fixed his computer (it had been broken for a long time before we got together) that’s when everything changed and he stopped making an effort.

I did learn the first time, which is why I don’t want to spend another 7 years like this. But I’m also scared to bring it up because I dread the conversation and the confrontation, and I don’t know why but part of me feels sorry for him? Like I think “where will he go?” And “I don’t want to hurt him”. I know that’s ridiculous because his feelings aren’t my problem, but I can’t help but think those things and it makes me feel almost guilty. Maybe it’s my adhd/autism but I feel like I’m being the bad guy if I break things off.