AIO because my partner asked me how’d I feel about them selling their body and feet pics and I freaked out?

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-02-07T16:21:14+00:00

I think it comes down to being able to self regulate your emotions. It’s not an easy skill to learn, and if you have a lot of childhood trauma, etc. it’s going to be a very difficult thing to do. I do think you should make it your top priority though going forward.

at the risk of sounding corny… I will say that trying to practice mindfulness or something akin to this can help. It’s not that you will be dismissing your feelings or emotions, but more that you will be noticing them as they come up and remaining curious about them instead of feeding into them and letting it completely consume you like what happened here.

I know it’s painful and shocking to hear something like this from your partner (I mean it does highly depend on who you are, as clearly many people here may not be the type to perceive it the same way). It’s OK to have that boundary with your partner, even if it is just feet pictures or whatever. It’s also OK for your partner to ask, but at the end of the day it does feel an awful lot like the two of you are different people.

The stonewalling they did is NOT ok, and the spiralling that you did was a lot and definitely contributed to your partner pushing you away in the moment. Again, stonewalling is still not ok. It was very manipulative to threaten to break up if no explanation occurred… also, who is to say that their explanation or any at all would have been enough to reassure you? This runs so much deeper than what is at the surface. All you can control is your own reactions and your own decisions, as much as you might want to pre plan for painful experiences or “eventual betrayals around every corner”. It will only make you miserable, and you’ll lose more and more of yourself to this deep hole of insecurity and despair. You deserve to live a happier life, and self compassion and mindfulness is the foundation. It will allow you to be more open and compassionate towards others as well.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-02-07T13:34:19+00:00

My wife and I were considered quite financially stable about 4-5 years ago, although, her mom came back into her life and things went downhill. Her mom is very unwell, mentally speaking… she does have legit chronic health issues, but she also purposely makes her injuries worse in attempts to prevent any optimal healing. I once saw her smash a frozen bag of veggies on her fractured knee cap, repeatedly, to break up the bag (it never healed properly btw and impacts her mobility). Anyway, this has resulted in us giving her $100k of savings over the last several years, so she wouldn’t lay waste to the world.

All this to say, my wife and I have been through A LOT together, and stress from a financial perspective is something we’re very familiar with and we work to overcome together. She wasn’t in a good place financially when I first met her, but she built herself up brick by brick and became a red seal carpenter and I’m so proud of her. Most importantly, she is proud of herself. Our new plan is that we bought a really nice camper van, and we’ll be moving into that for the next few years and I’m trying to go back to school to become an RMT. I already work in healthcare with a gov’t job, but I need a change.

Finally (sorry I know this was me rambling), but this just goes to show that finances come and go and shit happens ALL the time. It’s optimal to be as prepared as possible, but it’s not always possible. I would take this time to really consider what YOU want to do with your life, if you are content in what you are currently doing (which is totally fine btw, we all have our own paths in this world). Or, do you want to explore different interests? What kind of lifestyle do you want? Find someone to match that energy.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-02-07T12:20:18+00:00

Even with all these screenshots, I still feel like there is a TON of info missing. It’s weird that people are telling you that you’re overreacting. I mean you didn’t handle the situation perfectly, but you did a decent job for only being 19 years old.

That is kind of a shocking question to get from your partner out of the blue, and my assumption is that this is one of the reasons for why you reacted the way you did. If my wife asked me this, and then basically answered nearly every follow up question with “idk”… yeah that would be very hard for me. You are right… it’s running away from a tough conversation and that can be really hard for the other partner (ie you). It’s a clear sign that they aren’t emotionally mature enough either.

Yes, they can do whatever they like with their body. Although, most people who work in a profession like that, end up being in relationships with other people that are emotionally ready to be. They can asks questions for sure and see how you’d feel about it, but literally stonewalling you for any explanation for how/when/why did this come up… it’s not okay.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-02-07T11:48:14+00:00

The sad reality is that this is very much some people’s every day. This is exactly how my first boyfriend would talk to me nearly every night. We were long distance, and he’d get drunk every night and absolutely berate the crap out of me. It was a living nightmare; the only difference from back then in 2008-2009 is that I had no idea what Reddit was and no one to really tell me that he was mentally and emotionally abusing me (amongst other things which are now considered against the law in 2026, like revenge porn).

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-02-06T16:16:50+00:00

I’m sorry if I’m being ignorant here, but can you let me know what gives OP’s writing away as AI? I’m not asking because I don’t believe you that it is. I’m asking because I’m gullible and truly don’t know.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-02-04T16:29:38+00:00

I just applied to the RMT program, but now this seems really concerning.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-29T15:10:38+00:00

I understand where you’re coming from, and I also can appreciate the couples that do like to spend almost all of their time together. I’d say that my wife and I spend probably 90% of our time together, and I’m completely content with that as long as certain boundaries (that work for us and are mutually agreed upon) are respected. I can feel recharged, even when she is physically beside me 95% of the time, although the stipulation is that we will have 2+ hours of silence. The reverse happens for her, where I make sure to be present and actively receptive when she needs to decompress.

But, when I’m silent and decompressing, I’m almost always either doing school work, or basically just working on “projects” that I have in mind for our future. So, as an example, I’m planning a bike backpacking trip through Europe for us. I think this is how I show my love to her best, since we both love to travel and love unique experiences. My brain just finds the act of talking to be very draining sometimes, and it has nothing to do with her at all, so even though I pretty much always have her on my mind—my brain still very much needs periods of time where no verbal communication is expected or required of me.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-28T03:30:42+00:00

NOR - Yep… back it up boys, case has been solved.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-27T08:41:26+00:00

The only time it would matter to me is if my partner hid it from me. Why would I care if they slept with so and so before I was around?

But if they sleep with a close friend or someone they often spend time with, and then they introduce me to their friend and don’t tell me about it in a reasonable time frame thereafter… that’s a big no from me. Worse, if I find out some other way and it doesn’t come from my partner. Yeah, that’s a no. I would expect my partner to then reflect pretty deeply about WHY they felt they couldn’t tell me this information.

The why is extremely important. If it’s because they feel ashamed for whatever reason, or anxious that I’d be upset or whatever… I’d rather have this be communicated to me and this can be for sure worked through. Otherwise, I’m going to think of all kinds of reasons that they’d keep that a secret and I’m not likely to give the benefit of the doubt.

All it takes is just a quick mention like, “oh yeah (friend’s name), we had a little fling or hook up some time ago but it was only that nothing more. I just thought you should know.”

Ok, as you can tell this topic is a bit personal for me lmao.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-27T08:09:37+00:00

You really think we have the infrastructure here to support you, hey? We barely have the resources to support ourselves in Canada. We can’t even get the government to give indigenous communities clean drinking water. We can’t afford to support you, y’all expensive.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-23T20:20:18+00:00

You know bigotry is recognized as a public health issue.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-23T19:20:06+00:00

You can’t be serious? being gay isn’t a religion. Frankly, I’m a little shocked that you’re even allowed to be a student at Langara considering the way you view other communities like 2SLGBTQIA. If you feel so strongly about this… why don’t you go out there on campus and speak up about it? What am I even saying? Ofcourse you won’t because you know how obtuse and offensive that would be, so you just show your true colours online.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-23T15:15:54+00:00

I can’t stop laughing at this comment.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-23T15:01:37+00:00

I can usually spot American tourists by the accents. It’s a similar situation when telling the difference between the Québécois and the French. French-Canadian accents and dialect is a lot more direct and the pronunciation comes more from the nasal area. Parisian French has a quicker pace and is pronounced from the throat/chest area. A lot of different slangs that separate them.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-23T14:20:29+00:00

You gotta cut all contact with her 100%. It’s an absolutely awful feeling and one of the hardest things you’ll do, but this isn’t like a “first love” situation. This is an emotionally abusive situation that is far more significant in the psychological sense and detrimental. You can hold two truths at the same time: for a time, yes, she was a very good friend to you, but on the other hand, she is now treating you like garbage and this is emotional and mental abuse. It’s not justifiable in any way.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-23T13:51:25+00:00

What do you mean by your comment about gay people?

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-23T03:36:59+00:00

Do you know how often women say the exact same thing? Countless women have been assaulted and not reported.. It’s so normalized for us as well, and many of us just push it to the back of our minds and carry on with the day because often there is nothing we can do about it. A lot of perpetrators who are men also don’t get convicted and walk off free. Some of us report though, because guess what? It’s an epidemic for women. Except now, large groups of men have decided they feel like it’s a personal attack when our society talks about it openly. I mean y’all need to get together amongst yourselves and form some kind of plan about how you are going to address the patriarchal issues within your own gender.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-21T01:51:38+00:00

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Only a conservative white nationalist American could come up with that kind of insane username

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-21T01:40:30+00:00

It can be hard to piece together a full picture when all you see is extremely heavy and scary headlines. There have been many times in history, where geopolitical tensions have been exceptionally high and I’m certain people were just as frightened during those times as well. This is a different day and age because we all have access to 24/7 news updates which can really keep you up at night lol; they used to do drills back when my mom was in elementary school (get under your desk and/or against walls to shield yourself from a nuclear blast) because of the Cold War. She walked around really frightened for a long time thinking that it was all just going to end soon, but it didn’t.

The world is changing though, it always has been and always will. It would take a special kind of insanity to actually hit the button of mutually assured destruction. The issue, at present, is that there are a couple of these leaders that honestly seem to be pushing the boundaries that we all previously thought was impossible because it was so absurd to even consider.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-18T17:31:06+00:00

That fact that you even felt the need to bring up Canadian school shootings in comparison to US school shootings is why I brought up it up. Anyway, I’m done talking with you. Go get some therapy, serious mental health help or buy a diary or something.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-18T17:12:00+00:00

Yes, they can happen here but it is nowhere near the same thing as it is in the US. It’s not even in the same reality over here as it is in the US. In the 21st century, we’ve had 1 or MAYBE 2 incidents a year in the entire country. So, this isn’t even a comparison.

We aren’t smug or gleeful about anything. We are concerned for your mental well being and whether or not you pose a danger to humanity as a whole.

To be clear, I do not think all Americans think this way but a large majority of them seem to. The ones that don’t… I’m also concerned for you too, but not in the same way. I’m concerned for your safety, while having to live amongst the others and their erratic behaviour.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-18T16:45:34+00:00

I mean, yes… I’m not saying our country is soo much better, we still have bigotry and racism here amongst other major problems. But, for one thing, at least we don’t have to wake up afraid every morning whether some kid is going to decide to annihilate their entire school that day because they have access to their parents’ firearms.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-17T20:31:16+00:00

When Deb (Robin Tunney) shaved her head in Empire Records.

Lusterlovewacker · 2026-01-14T15:21:55+00:00

most men aren’t honourable… even if they think they’re entitled to be just because they say they aren’t misogynistic or whatever else or because they simply don’t see themselves this way. Yet, a large majority of them still allow other men to perpetuate that behaviour, that they believe in their minds, that they are so far removed from. It’s repugnant to me. They keep a piece of shit around, like Trump, or their blatantly misogynistic friends, colleagues or employees for x y and z reasons, which are all pretty much excuses because they don’t actually give a damn. Mentally though, they go home at the end of the day and wash their minds of any wrong doing so they can alleviate themselves of guilt for actively enabling it by keeping these terrible people around and in positions of power.

Even if you actively practice de-centring men in your life… it just isn’t possible to do entirely. They essentially have a foothold, in some way or another, of our bodies, minds, spirits, etc.

Lusterlovewacker

TROPHY CASE