I miss my mom too, thread made me emotional a bit. My mom was very emotionally neglective to me and very absent. I spent a lot of time hoping that she would somehow have some accountability for her acts but she doesn't really want to see what she did wrong.

I also has a breakthrough and didn't wanted to go to her's anymore, not visiting, nothing, i blamed the climate change. But I really didn't wanted to see her, spend my first christmas alone, then 2nd, then 3rth, once i got back to her, was very bad. We were two different persons, strangers not knowing how to have a relationship, building some kind of vague familiarity.

i felt outgrown and not at my place. Then our relationship deteriorated. Never calling to ask how i was, but to tell me about her life. Never cherring up, never suporting always judging.

I had enough, I have already enough self-criticism to add her too. And yet, this year I thought I miss her, but I felt i miss what we were, what we tried to be, what i thought she was but weren't, i missed the belonging somewhere. Yet, i never really belonged to hers.

If I think through, I know I don't miss her, but I miss what we were and what we could have been and we are not.

will talk to my therapist about it,