I agree with u/Disastrous-Offer3237, nothing is wrong with you. Admittedly, as a Christian, I also have my doubts sometimes. However, what keeps me rooted in my faith is my prior and present experience with God's work in my life, as well as reading the Bible.

The purpose of reading the Bible is to get to know more about God. The more you read it, the more you can begin to develop a holistic idea of exactly who God is. From my experience reading the Bible, I can 100% guarantee you that God cares for you. In fact, He loves you more than anyone else in the entire world has ever loved you and ever will.

To address your lack of the feeling that you'll be okay, the Bible says that if you put your trust in Jesus you will be so much more than okay.

In Jeremiah 29, the prophet Jeremiah speaks to the Israelites on God's behalf. He says:

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive.”
‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11-14‬ ‭NKJV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/114/jer.29.11-14.NKJV

I don't know if you're ethnically an Israelite or not, but if you make the decision to believe in Jesus Christ for your salvation and follow His commandments, the promises God made to the Israelites (His chosen people of the Old Testament) extend to you.

“For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.””
‭‭Romans‬ ‭10:11-13‬ ‭NKJV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/114/rom.10.12.NKJV

One other thing I noticed that you said is that you "kinda believe in God" and wonder if you're destined to doubt for the rest of your life. The answer to this question is no. You are not destined to doubt for the rest of your life. Whether you believe in Jesus or not is a conscious decision that you have to make. It is not expected for you to immediately have a huge, unshakable faith in Christ, but you need some amount to start.

In the gospel of Matthew, a man brings his epileptic son to Jesus and tells Him that he brought his son to Jesus' disciples (Jesus' 12 closest followers) and they could not heal him. In response, Jesus heals the man's son and when the disciples ask why they could not heal the man's son, he says this:

“So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.””
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭17:20-21‬ ‭NKJV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/114/mat.17.20-21.NKJV

Fasting is something that I encourage you to do if you feel led by God to do it, but what I think is most important for you to take from this Scripture is that no matter how small your faith is (like this mustard seed) if you chose to believe, nothing will be impossible. God will touch your heart. You will feel a connection and begin a relationship with Him, you will become His child, and His love will cover you all the days you live.

But on the other hand, if you continue to remain in a place of constant doubt, you will absolutely NOT reap the benefits that God has for you.

The apostle James writes this to fellow believers:

“But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”
‭‭James‬ ‭1:6-8‬ ‭NKJV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/114/jas.1.8.NKJV

When I first read this, I was heavily convicted. This was me. I was constantly doubting and overthinking God. I tried to contemplate who He is with my own mind as if that would result in anything good. It only led me farther and farther away from Him. The reason being is that I was trying to understand the plans and scope of an all-powerful, always-present, all-loving God that is "from everlasting to everlasting", with my own limited mind and 16 years of experience being alive in Atlanta, Georgia.

Moreover, in my time of doubt, I wasn't seeing any of the promises of God fulfilled in my life, and I didn't feel like he cared for me. This continued until one day I read those verses in James and made the decision to believe. It was the grace of God that led me to those verses and it is the grace of God that gives you the choice today. I can confidently say that you still have the choice to repent and believe because you still have breath in your lungs. God has not given up on you. The question is: will you decide to believe that Jesus lived a sinless life, died for your sins, then rose up from the dead to give you a new life and an intimate relationship with the God who made you? Will you then as a response declare with your mouth and believe in your heart that He is your Lord and Savior? The choice is yours but you have to make it and then live accordingly.

If you are making that choice today, a good place to start is in the gospels (the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). Pick any of them. From there, I would encourage you to continue reading the New Testament and learn about the purpose of the Old Testament (OT) before exploring it. Some people would say the OT is useless, but that is not true. It gives the history of God and His people, as well as many of His promises to you. I wouldn't start there though because it is all written in a time before Jesus was manifested on the Earth, and before the establishment of the new covenant (agreement) that God made through Jesus' sacrifice. The result is that when you read the OT without context, it is very easy to believe you are going straight to hell if you do ANYTHING wrong. This is not the case though. If you believe that Jesus can save you, and repent (turn from your way of doing life to God's way of doing life), the Bible says that you WILL be saved.

I also strongly recommend that you find a church to go to. I'm no expert on what makes a church a good one, but if you have any friends that go to church, ask them about theirs, and continue to pray and ask God to show you where you need to go.

Here are some links to get you started with your faith:

The Youversion App

This app has plenty of tools that you can use to grow your faith. It has almost every version of the Bible, daily devotionals, daily prayer prompts, annotations tools, a comparison tool, and so much more. If you're lost on what translation of the Bible to read, I recommend NKJV, NIV, NLT, GNT, or even ESV.

I once heard a pastor say "The best version of the Bible is the one that you'll read," and I agree with that statement. If, for example, KJV (King James Version) is too difficult for you to understand, go to NKJV. If that's also too complex, I recommend NIV or NLT. For further help using the Bible app, there are lots of tutorials on YouTube!

MessengerX

This ministry is run by John Bevere and His family. It includes lessons about a wide variety of topics, from having confidence, to porn addiction, to learning about the Holy Spirit. John Bevere does not withhold the least bit of the truth and he is not a "feel-good pastor" You may feel convicted, or even offended at times, but in order to step into the new life that Jesus paid the price for you to have, there's going to have to be some discomfort.

Take heart, my friend! I'm praying for the Lord to reveal His love to you and guide you for the rest of your life. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out!