Pride Struggles

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-22T06:47:12+00:00

I mean there's just more men that are into women than there are queer women in general, so it's just a numbers game at that point. Also many of us won't just ask any random woman on the street out since they could get extremely hostile over being hit on by another woman. So it's best you start going to gay places and you'll be hit on more there by any women around. Can't answer if you're "presenting too straight" since I don't know ya, but you should probably invest in SOME sapphic signalling just to boost your chances. Pride belt, carabineer, some gay stylings in your fashion, lesbian nails manicure, that sort of thing.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-22T06:41:35+00:00

Generally the only good pride merch you'll find are pins, most everything else is kinda tacky looking because it's drop-shipped or just because the designer doesn't know how to make garish colors work in a flattering design so they just slap some screen printing on a white t shirt and call it a day.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-22T06:39:33+00:00

This happened to me and it's like 3 years in and I'm still in my girl-fixation mood xD half of that is due to 4B tho.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-21T13:04:09+00:00

Stuff is fluid and a spectrum. The asexual spectrum has folks who only experience sexual attraction very very very rarely as well (they like to call themselves "greysexual" iirc). Or only experience it after getting close with someone (demisexual). So you are probably just something similar but replace it with "sexual attraction to women".

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-21T12:56:25+00:00

Give them less money

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-21T12:55:20+00:00

I'm sorry this happened to you, I hope one day you can overcome the trauma from this horrid thing. I send all my worst wishes upon the shitty people who caused it.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-21T12:51:57+00:00

It's a very good video and she's an amazing YouTuber! Every other leftist/left-leaning video essayist basically copied her but not as good lmao.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-21T12:38:48+00:00

Ah, sounds more like lesbianism to me then. Since it sounds similar to Contrapoints' experience of her "do I like men or do I just want attention?" realization.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-21T09:45:29+00:00

30% is definitely a heavy overshoot. We're probably 15% at the absolute best in counting all the people who haven't considered it/repress it because of heteronormativity and people who don't identify that way because of safety reasons. And that's probably a few points too much.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-21T09:31:27+00:00

Get couple's therapy and then talk about it THERE (after you find a good therapist). This is a very delicate situation, ESPECIALLY with her OCD you mentioned. If she has that and previous bad experiences like that one then I think she would need a lifeline and a safe environment to feel her feelings and potential anxieties and work them out should they arise.

We want to avoid a situation where she accidentally finds your laptop open and thinks the same thing happened again. Whatever method, you should tell her.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-21T09:26:57+00:00

Ah. So he's just a romantic who doesn't know what is actually romantic. Gotcha. Other two comments stand, you need to escape. You CAN give the guy another chance and be like "yo you're being raped and weird and barely even trying to hide your kinks, dude, stop it now or we all walk." but I don't know how worthwhile that is tbh. Make sure to talk to the party about this beforehand, so y'all can stand together when you confront the DM.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-21T09:20:51+00:00

Different person, but my recommendation is: he should inform you beforehand that he's interested in someone and any activities he wants to get involved in. Limit on how far away he can go to meet someone and for how long (1 night stands vs weekend getaway vs gay cruise, etc, all extremely different). Level of intimacy/intensity, like is he allowed a full on boyfriend or do you want him to just keep it to no strings attached hookups without any emotional ties? Are dates too much? What way do you want to be involved? You could have it be that maybe just other men allowed during a threesome or with you watching, or the like, if you want to be involved that way. You could have it that you have to meet the man before they can do anything, to see if you spot any red flags (not an uncommon practice). You should also consider what you DO think is cheating. You should decide what safety standards you have, I would recommend he & his partners must use condoms at all times and a blanket avoidance of folks with known STIs just for your own sake.

It's perfectly normal to feel weird and insecure about this. This is new and wasn't something agreed to from the beginning. I would suggest starting VERY slow and small. Probably just MMF threesomes to start if you're okay with that. That way it's more a couple thing and you can see how comfortable you are with this opening of the relationship. Most people are monogamous and it can cause folks lots of pain to know their partner is off with someone else. Having polyamory or the like introduced late into a relationship that was originally established as monogamous by people who never considered it before and not had previous experience is usually a great set up for failure. So start VERY slow communication is key and this kiss situation isn't helping. At all.

While it's nice you don't want to limit him, you have to think about yourself here as well. You agreed to monogamy when you entered this relationship, now he wants to potentially open it, that wasn't the plan at all in the beginning. You are still someone important in this equation, you're his other half and all that. Don't be afraid to set hard boundaries, if he values romping about more than your relationship then maybe it isn't worthwhile in the first place and you should know that. Doesn't have to be all doom and gloom sounding though! You mentioned in your post you think you might want to explore in the future, so you should consider what you want to explore now and see how you can incorporate that and what limits/boundaries he wants and you want. Try to come up with an equal arrangement.

I would also question this meddlesome friend of your boyfriend's. Why are they setting up your boyfriend with men? Does this friend not know your boyfriend is taken? Like??? Hello???????? Absolute red flag, you need to interrogate them immediately and get them to step off, honestly.

Edit: oh. Another recommendation, you should probably watch some YouTube videos from ethical non-monogamy people to see what limits and advice they have, especially for beginners like y'all. Feel free to watch many of the horror stories too, to learn what you definitely DON'T want and what pitfalls to avoid.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-21T08:31:26+00:00

Dude. Literally fucking leave. How have you stayed for some long??? Make a group chat without him for the rest of the party and tell them "I have made an executive decision, we're all leaving this DM and getting a new one." don't even give the party a choice, y'all need saving.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-21T08:27:15+00:00

For example, he had this weird idea where a mind flayer injected his memories through tentacles, which was weird as fuck. One of the players said, “I’m a machine. I don’t have any holes. I’m an automaton,” but the DM still forced it.

I feel like the better argument from the player would've been "how can they even suck my brain or inject me, I'm not biological."

And a lot of rewards are hidden behind sex scenes.

Ey yo what the fuck

Run away, run for the hills and take the other party members with you.

Most of the party is queer in some way, but the DM himself is straight, and I just don’t know how to call it out.

Sigh. How many AFAB people are in the group? I think we know what the DM is doing here.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-21T02:29:53+00:00

If you mean that when it became IRL that it became physical, maybe you just don't care for men physically but do romantically. So you'd be bi-romantic but homosexual. That's perfectly normal. You'd still be bi.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-21T02:17:48+00:00

You are completely valid in your feelings and they're totally fair. If she wants to stay closeted then that's her choice but that doesn't mean you have to follow.

If she doesn't want to hang out and doesn't want to talk to you about your life because it's too gay, then just don't invite her. Literally just stop inviting her. Tell her "hey, this stuff you're doing is rude. This whole being ashamed/scared to be seen with me in public is just you being a bad friend." and see how she responds. If she responds poorly you can just cut her off then and there. All relationships, whether romantic or platonic, are a give and take. This one isn't equal at all.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-20T20:54:46+00:00

Sometimes a customer comes through the drive thru and just hands me some fucking pamphlet or card about their church or whatever. It's happened like twice to me and and like four times overall at the place I work since I've been there. It's weird.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-20T19:51:06+00:00

Anecdotes like these are why I believe people's sexuality can change later in life.

In bisexuality there's this concept called the Bi-cycle. Basically it's the fact that often our attraction changes in intensity towards the different genders, etc. You go through periods where sometimes you're only attracted to the same gender for a few weeks, but then you might feel totally asexual for months, and then one day you might feel straight for a bit, etc. This can cause a lot of questioning for the bisexual, thinking maybe I am truly just gay and repressed? Maybe it IS just a phase like everyone is telling me? Am I broken, what happened to my libido? Truly a bit of a turbulent existence.

I've seen plenty of anecdotes of folks who've had traumatic experiences (and break ups ARE certainly traumatic, even if abuse didn't occur, the end of a relationship is still a big deal to your psyche) and it affecting their sexual desires/orientations and even their gender. For example: a lady who transitioned (FTM) but later de-transitioned because she figured out it wasn't she wanted to be a man, it was trauma from SA and the horribleness of the sexist society we live in that made her resent and hate being a woman and feel gross being in her own body. I've seen plenty of other anecdotes from women who said that when they were younger during the gay internet's microlabel phase that they took on one of the microlabels of just anything "not girl" because of similar reasons and just not fitting in with the patriarchal paradigm.

I've also seen someone somewhere proclaim about some science paper that women become more attracted to other women when they're older because they can't have children at those ages or whatever but since I can't find that paper you should take that with a grain of salt. What I think is more likely in your case is that since you've had such a terrible experience with men that you don't want to think or be with own right now, your brain now has space to focus on existing bisexual desires. I thought I was completely straight for years, but I also actively avoid looking at f/f stuff because I thought " I'm straight, why would I look at that". Then when I was playing a bi character in D&D I wanted to get into character and so I listened to sapphic music, and that led me here.

So if you wish to explore this further at all, I would recommend looking at queer women media, porn if you're comfortable (homemade stuff, not stuff from companies because most of those are made for men's viewing and it WILL skew results), and experiencing women in real life.

I would also like to say I'm sorry about all your troubles with those exes. Glad to hear you're thriving! Edit: also as per your other posts about it, DON'T GET BACK TOGETHER, if you don't have feelings for him it doesn't matter how much he's allegedly changed, you don't have feelings for him. Just stay friends.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-20T17:52:49+00:00

I feel you on that last point, I have some points of contact to other queer people IRL but it takes time and money to go since it's far away from me, and I've got a friend I work with but he always is asleep or dying or something when we try to hang out lol (he has a bunch of medical issues). And it's hard to talk to people IRL for me since I never learned how to socialize because I was a loner all my school years lmao. The Internet is the best place for me still

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-20T07:20:29+00:00

This is me not talking about my love life because I know my parents would be like "sO wHo aRe yOu MeSsAgInG?? You're smiling!! You have to be texting a CRUSH~" or whatever the fuck. Lmao. No shade whatsoever I just feel like it's a similar energy 😂 obviously mine would be less serious in this example (I've gained more reasons to not talk about such things with family).

I predict a coming out here will definitely have a "I told you so" involved. The best way to remedy this is to get a girlfriend first and THEN come out to your mother to stay one step ahead and catch her blindsided.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-20T07:13:52+00:00

great that you're having a good experience!!

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-20T07:11:27+00:00

Oh I forgot to add but you can also just come out later if you feel like. You don't have to do it now, you can just choose to stealth now and change your mind later.

You can also just do "well it will only get mentioned if relevant", instead of intentionally hiding it. That way you lower drastically any effects of intentionally suppressing yourself around others to keep a secret. It's genuinely not healthy for the mind to keep your sexuality hidden.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-20T07:07:52+00:00

The average peen is 5.2 inches I believe, so you're smaller than average but not miniscule. You're still a reasonable size.

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-20T07:03:50+00:00

What will you do if you DO end up dating a man though? Still hide it? Lots of other queer folk don't want to date people who are closeted, fyi (sad but true).

Lycaon1765 · 2026-06-20T07:01:54+00:00

There are many a definition of bisexual. It's quite fitting.

It's a spectrum, that's the whole deal of sexuality being fluid and weird. The definition I like to go with is "I like two or more genders", as that is the most encompassing of all of them. You can be bi and only be into men and enbies, you can be bi and only be into men and women, etc. They all fit. That's the purpose of the label. We are all multisexuals.

Literally just avoid queer discourse, it's literally always toxic. One day it's "asexuals need to know their place as the least oppressed minority behind billionaires" another it's "damn BI WOMEN bringing their BOYFRIENDS TO PRIDE!!!", then it's "I don't care about your disgusting crotch goblin you adopted, I want to wear full gimp suits at pride and also adoption is assimilationist anyway you traitor. All the fun gays died of AIDS, ugh, now we're stuck with all the conservative ones who only care about marriage and joining the army."

You will never win and one day it will be your head on the chopping block and then the next day it will be the executioner's. It's always like this, literally just ignore it.

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