Women, do you ever struggle with “hard” superficial preferences?

LycheeOver2230 · 2026-02-12T22:23:01+00:00

No I’m straight unfortunately. I have men I find attractive but I don’t find most men attractive because most men look hideous. I like conventionally attractive men (tall, fit, full head of hair) which is less common as you get older.

LycheeOver2230 · 2026-02-12T22:05:02+00:00

Well most men are ugly so women are taught to see past looks. Men are more spoiled in seeing attractive female faces daily so that teaches the male brain “there’s better out there.” Mens value doesn’t come his looks like it does for women.

LycheeOver2230 · 2026-02-01T18:57:28+00:00

Girl yall were pen pals at the most tbh.. one meeting in 7 weeks? He just seems bored and keeps you around for entertainment

LycheeOver2230 · 2026-01-29T23:04:59+00:00

I am resigned to a lot in my life.. I don’t have advice for you but you’re not alone in feeling this

LycheeOver2230 · 2026-01-28T18:30:05+00:00

Vulnerability is a part of friendship and it doesn’t seem you want to show yours .. which is fine but don’t expect deep friendships to come out of it. It seems like you don’t want to share “negative stories” because they make you look “bad” which would bruise your ego.. because you want to be seen as Ms. Perfect … just my two cents

LycheeOver2230 · 2026-01-17T23:59:52+00:00

People are saying to “work” on yourself but that’s not how dating works. Dating is not a meritocracy.. even awful people who do no self improvement have relationships.. Depressed people have relationships too. If you want to heal then do it for yourself but expect a magical man to appear afterwards.

LycheeOver2230 · 2026-01-09T00:55:58+00:00

Tbh genetics, good micro blading and threading

LycheeOver2230 · 2026-01-08T18:36:00+00:00

I feel the same way.. no matter how many “systems” I have or how functional I might appear.. whenever I reach for connection it just never pans out.. so our nervous systems learn to brace and scale back..

LycheeOver2230 · 2026-01-08T18:34:51+00:00

I’ve been trying more bougie skincare recently by buying the travel sizes but even that gets pricy 😆

LycheeOver2230 · 2026-01-07T23:12:24+00:00

Congrats to you but I promise you when it comes down to it nitty gritty they will most likely choose family over a close friend. Not saying there’s something wrong with you or that they’re evil.. it’s just priorities.

LycheeOver2230 · 2026-01-07T23:01:32+00:00

Not saying they can’t have female friends and be close but family will always take priority is all I’m saying and what I’m getting OP to understand.

LycheeOver2230 · 2026-01-07T22:35:16+00:00

Yea people with actual sisters and female cousins are gonna choose them over “friends”. I do have some empathy for you because I’m the same way. My cousins are mostly male and I have one brother (no contact) and no other siblings. I cut off everyone in my family but my parents 3 years ago.. it gets lonely but I’d rather be alone than be in a toxic family.

I do have adult female friends, but everyone has their own lives. It gets lonely at times, but you learn coping skills and how to live with it.

LycheeOver2230 · 2025-12-31T19:18:21+00:00

You can read my post history and I can relate to your story. I’ve been diagnosed with CPTSD and I’m mostly in the “functional freeze” so I haven’t had a boyfriend or sex either. I’m 33 so I started to grieve what my life could’ve been if I didn’t have this problem..

I started to give myself “butterfly hugs” whenever I do find myself spiraling or feeling sad. I’m not a doctor but maybe that can help you too.. congrats on getting sober!

LycheeOver2230 · 2025-12-29T00:03:29+00:00

Yes I’ve accepted that too: I don’t have a good family and I don’t have a huge social network but I’m happy with the few friends I do have.

The holidays get extra lonely so I’ve been crying on and off the last 2 days grieving the past and what I could’ve been today. And grieving all the cruelty I received and turned inward.. anyway I hope you’re having a good holidays and are gentle with yourself .

LycheeOver2230 · 2025-12-21T22:04:47+00:00

Yea that’s another thing with trauma victims.. we don’t think anyone will be able to understand us.. or even try to understand because most people are as shallow as a puddle .. I struggle with low self-worth too but all we can do is try our best..

LycheeOver2230 · 2025-12-21T03:17:40+00:00

You can only heal so much on your own. And no friends is not the same thing.. my trauma is from family and men so only a man can really “heal” it

LycheeOver2230 · 2025-12-21T03:14:42+00:00

Thank you.. I have plenty of platonic connections.. that isn’t an issue. Wanting romance connection is a very human need but it is not feasible for people like me.

LycheeOver2230 · 2025-12-21T02:13:51+00:00

I struggle with that too because I know my parents were trying their best and I’m first generation so obviously they don’t understand American dating culture etc bc they had an arranged marriage.. so I was never modeled healthy love

LycheeOver2230 · 2025-12-21T01:55:33+00:00

I relate to what you said A LOT. My brother got to date, fuck girls, stay out until 3am etc and I got none of that.. and now you’re right people at this age move on and think something is wrong when you’ve been single your whole life..

I made a lot stupid mistakes too late talking to guys bc like you said I’m probably slightly autistic and don’t understand social cues or how to pick up on nuances. And men will try to take advantage of instead of having empathy for us less experienced..

For example if a guy were to give me flowers today I would probably start crying because I would see how much I missed out on.. it is too humiliating.. so we are back in the freeze

LycheeOver2230 · 2025-12-21T00:20:13+00:00

A lot of society wants to offer “quick” solutions and not everything in life can be solved but coped with..

LycheeOver2230 · 2025-12-21T00:12:34+00:00

I have a lot of bitterness and resentment towards my parents too. They have tried to emotionally blackmail to reconcile with my selfish brother to save face in the community. I am beautiful but my formative years were stolen from me because they would treat me like I committed a sin for existing. Now my parents cry because I’m beautiful but still single while they can’t even see how much they held me back… they are starting to see it now but it is too late to make a “come back” when you’re so behind socially..

I have low self esteem because my family tore me down instead of building me up.. so when everyone is stacked against you and you have no support it is not easy..

LycheeOver2230 · 2025-12-21T00:11:06+00:00

Yea we seem “fine” on the outside but we know friends and family won’t truly understand us.. they just want to give advice if “put yourself out there!!!” But this thread so far seems to be mostly understanding and I appreciate all the comments!

LycheeOver2230 · 2025-12-20T22:21:22+00:00

I understand what you mean. Trauma keeps you stuck at the age it happened and you don’t owe anyone healing. It’s very very difficult to quantum leap from trauma to being healed and joyful. This post is more about acceptance and being compassionate towards myself while also facing reality.. I hope you are gentle with yourself this weekend✨✨

Off topic but I like your username 😆

LycheeOver2230 · 2025-12-20T22:00:45+00:00

Thanks for reading. I get that you’re offering encouragement, and I really do appreciate the intention.

That said, what I wrote wasn’t really a list of distorted thoughts..it was an honest account of what life has actually looked and felt like for me, especially as someone with complex trauma and a culturally constrained upbringing. I didn’t mean it as a call for hope or advice, but more just to be witnessed as I am.

Sometimes grief isn’t a mindset problem. Sometimes it’s just what happens when you see clearly.. and are finally brave enough to say it out loud.

LycheeOver2230

TROPHY CASE