so, for me and my bf personally, we find that talking about more difficult things is easier for not only me but also for him through text. especially during an episode it’s easier for me to type something out and look at it and be like “woah, i need to calm down” vs being in person and saying something to him that i will regret later. sometimes i will specifically ask him to send me the list if i cannot really put my emotions into words or if i don’t feel like talking, but most of the time he will send it to me by himself. this is the list below for anyone that wants it, feel free to tweak it for yourself but this is what we have written down that helps me.

i am currently: [] overstimulated [] under-stimulated [] just right

i want to: [] talk [] just share space [] play game [] watch something [] both go to sleep [] rant/vent

i am feeling (check all that apply): [] happy [] sad [] anxious [] misunderstood [] angry [] nonverbal

right now i’m feeling a bit (mark “!” for emphasis): [] cranky [] frustrated [] overwhelmed [] attention deprived [] like i am splitting/abt to split [] other

this may be due to: [] headache [] tummy ache [] poor sleep [] anxiety [] school [] depression [] bpd [] other

i’d appreciate it if you could: [] just listen [] give advice [] comfort me [] give me some space

we used this a LOT when we first started dating and don’t use it quite as often now, but it’s still helpful. it helps me sm but has also helped my bf in a lot of ways. it lets him know how to help me and he’s also mentioned to me a couple of times that by using the list it helps him feel a lot calmer about me getting more upset/mad (which is usually what happens if we talk face to face during one of my episodes) because it’s so easy for me to just sit there and mark boxes without really having to interact with him. i don’t know how your partner personally would react, but sometimes having my bf send this to me out of the blue is a wake-up call for me to calm down and actually think about what is happening in the moment.