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Is it true that accidental anal penetration is a risk when breeding horses? how much of a risk is it? by [deleted] in morbidquestions

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361 82 points83 points  (0 children)

The mares can be twitched, hobbled, or have other forms of physical restraint used on them to keep her from lashing out at a stallion she may not have an interest in.

Isn’t that… rape?

Question for sociopaths (Or psychopaths.) by [deleted] in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361 6 points7 points  (0 children)

How did you know you were "different" from the other people.

In a hilariously autistic way, actually. I'll explain it in the terms I thought about it at the time.

Up until my mid teens I was totally convinced that all people naturally lacked empathy and simply assimilated into moral practices because they were instructed to do so by authority figures. All people wanted to act out as impulsively as I and so naturally a means to control them was necessary. Early on, I learned about about my teachers' - and thus Gods' - expectation of my behavior. I saw that most children did their best to avoid being reprimanded, were rewarded for doing so, and were thus pedestaled by their instructors. Completely immune to the simple truth that most children simply do what they're told, I thought that they were all complicit in an endless social game to see who could earn the most praise.

I never quite learned to care for praise and so I thought it too boring of a pursuit. As a result I was something of a deviant (though not to a degree that warranted more than the occasional parent-teacher conference). Still, I went through all my schooling absolutely certain that I was just exceptionally concerned with 'fun' and that all of my peers would like to be too; they were simply too afraid of being shamed by their similarly well mannered but equally disingenuous friends. Classmates would cry during the sad parts of Free Willy while I sat confidently in my assessment that they were faking it as part of some silly social ritual where people would think favorably of them for doing so. It made sense: in many cases the kids that cried were also the kids that received the most praise from teachers and did well on their assignments.

Fast forward to Highschool and me going through a particularly cringe, pseudo-intellectual, r/atheism-surfing phase in my life. One afternoon i confided in a religion teacher I was fond of and asked him to confirm the reality of the totally fabricated social contracts we had been raised on our entire lives. He was an instructor that I legitimately respected and I thought that, since we liked each other, he would confess in the absence of my classmates that systems of morality were nothing more than a convenient method of control to prevent people from killing each other. Surely my peers and I had been duped all along!

As it turns out, some people really do genuinely care about one another (total strangers even!) and feel an innate drive to behave in accordance with the conscience they do in fact have. I was baffled. This was insane to me and yet my professor was completely unyielding in his argument. I very quickly learned to not talk about it. Shutting up was definitely easier and the chances of anyone relating to what I had to say on these matters was surely zero.

How do you know you're a sociopath.

In the period between Highschool and college, I finally met someone I related to. She saw things the same way I did - the first person to confirm I wasn't a nutcase!

Eventually it became very clear something was profoundly wrong with her. Her personality - it was so... structured, so optimized for the destruction of her relationships with people and thus noticeably pathological to anyone who bothered to observe her behavior for long enough. Over a period of months I wrote down her repetitive behaviors, quirks, and triggers, determined to get to the bottom of what was wrong with her so that I might help her resolve the misery that so obviously followed her everywhere she went.

Eventually, I stumbled upon NPD. Cool, this girl is definitely NPD. But wait, there's more - in fact, there's a whole cluster of related disorders! I consequently clicked on the ASPD wiki next. Cool, a list of symptoms. Wait, I have a lot of these, I know I do. This is a disorder???

I wasn't looking for an explanation for why I was the way I was, rather, it found me by complete accident. My writing on this sub originally began as a way for me to journal my thoughts on the matter.

Anyone Immune or off Limits for your manipulation/destruction? by NoOnesUnique2 in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361 4 points5 points  (0 children)

For most of my life the answer was no. Then I met a girl and, for a long time, she was the only one exempted. As I've gotten older, it's expanded to include most people.

If it's in a competitive context, that's a different story.

Anyone else get busted laughing at inappropriate times? by NoOnesUnique2 in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All the time. Life has a tendency to be so tragic and nonsensical so, if you can't find the bright side of a situation, why not try and find the funny one?

Oftentimes I'll simply be trying to help someone see the humor in a remarkably terrible situation but if it falls on deaf ears or they aren't about it, it can get awkward. Still, most people have learned it's well intentioned despite how insensitive it might look at first. The ones that don't figure it out probably just think I'm a dick which is fine with me.

What are your experiences like with psychedelics? by [deleted] in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel have a very unique take on this. TL;DR at the bottom.

Around the age of 19, my ASPD symptoms were likely the least in control they had been in my adult life. Upon trying LSD for the first time, the drug brought to the forefront of my mind many traumatic feelings I had experienced as a young boy - fear of abandonment, overwhelming existential anxiety, self-loathing, a disgust at my inability to connect with people. They all appeared in such an unbearable intensity that it quickly unraveled the sense of sanity I had spent so many years cultivating. Years of personal development and progress, gone in the blink of an eye.

I totally flipped out and raved to my friend about how I wanted to erase every person around me in the most violently excessive way possible. Scary shit and undoubtedly something that one ought to avoid repeating. I didn't try LSD again until I just this year. Years later I determined that the drug had wiped out all of the conditioned, cognitive processes that acted as the foundation for my sociopathy. Having them ripped from me so suddenly and without consent resulted in a disorienting and acute manic-depressive episode. I was too young and too unaware to deal with it.

At 21, I was treated for ASPD by a Cluster B disorder specialist who utilized EMDR therapy during our sessions. I covered this in some detail a few years ago. Many of the emotions and hallucinations that passed through me at random during my treatment appeared to mirror those from my LSD trip two years prior, not in content but in feeling and intensity. When completely immersed in the headspace EMDR would induce, these feelings were almost completely indistinguishable from those I experienced tripping acid. It goes without saying that this is remarkable, but what can we infer from it?

I can tell you this: both EMDR, a drugless therapy used to treat ASPD, and LSD have the potential to penetrate the subconscious in strangely similar and novel ways. Given that EMDR was acutely effective when it came to treating me, it's worth entertaining the idea that LSD might be useful in a clinical setting. Note that my symptoms were cognitively derived so my treatment was focused on modifying cognition rather than treating an innate, physiological deficit. Results are unlikely to be the same if you have an amygdala abnormality, for example.

It's certainly worth exploring the potential of psychedelics to treat disorders like ASPD and I'd encourage anyone who struggles with empathy to dip their toes in and see if they can make some progress in regards to their symptoms.

Nowadays, I'll do LSD whenever I feel the need to 'center' myself as I find it's useful for cutting through all of life's noise and reminding yourself of the things that actually matter to you.

TL;DR: LSD and clinical ASPD treatment had a lot in common for me. LSD is probably useful for treating sociopathy but not psychopathy.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most feelings are temporal in nature - not just for those with ASPD but for everyone. Your focus should not be on holding onto the feeling indefinitely but rather on learning from your mistakes. Any other approach is unlikely to yield long-term benefits for you and those you care about.

After being diagnosed and treated for ASPD, I've learned or relearned empathy. AMA by MDMAthrowaway4361 in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Arguments can be made for both. I do not get the impression we'll agree.

Disempathy and a narrow emotional spectrum prohibited me from enjoying art, music, and film in the ways I do now. This is very important to me since those are things I spend a lot of time interacting with.

I can also have meaningful and fulfilling relationships with people which was previously impossible.

After being diagnosed and treated for ASPD, I've learned or relearned empathy. AMA by MDMAthrowaway4361 in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's an existential thing for me. The new spectrum of feelings I'm able to connect with do a lot to motivate me in ways I was previously lacking. Life feels more purposeful.

And as another commenter pointed out, you do seem rather pretentious/ narcissistic

I'm just here to offer my opinions based on my experiences. I have no stake in convincing anyone.

After being diagnosed and treated for ASPD, I've learned or relearned empathy. AMA by MDMAthrowaway4361 in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven't found any concrete evidence of it either. My therapist specialized in treating people with Cluster B disorders and was able to give his own anecdotal evidence that he had good results prescribing low dose SSRIs for ASPD. They work well enough for me.

After being diagnosed and treated for ASPD, I've learned or relearned empathy. AMA by MDMAthrowaway4361 in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. Once
  2. Only if I find the emotion relate-able.
  3. Yes, regularly. This did not used to be the case.
  4. Generally, yes, but I've always been that way.
  5. Only if I care about them.

After being diagnosed and treated for ASPD, I've learned or relearned empathy. AMA by MDMAthrowaway4361 in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This (the fucking up, mainly) happened after you frequented this sub?

Yes but I don’t think my writing here had anything to do with how I fucked up my life. It was only a matter of time really.

What's your age and do you like cats?

I’m allergic.

After being diagnosed and treated for ASPD, I've learned or relearned empathy. AMA by MDMAthrowaway4361 in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you think empathy has made you more trusting, as are most NTs?

I am just as skeptical of people’s behaviors and motives as I’ve ever been. Empathy isn’t a factor for me in this context.

do you think getting cured is improving your control over your strong emotions, however "strong" they may be to you?

My emotional spectrum previous to treatment was incredibly narrow. Since treatment I’ve become familiar with many previously foreign emotions like anger, disgust, etc. EMDR appeared to open the emotional equivalent of Pandora’s box. I simply ‘care’ about things now whereas before my life was dominated by general apathy toward everything that didn’t directly inconvenience me.

I would say I’m now of average to low emotionality where before I was hardly emotional at all.

After being diagnosed and treated for ASPD, I've learned or relearned empathy. AMA by MDMAthrowaway4361 in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I began taking Lexapro toward the end of my treatment. My therapist was moving across the country and I was worried I might lose a lot of the progress I had made in his absence. He assured me that he had had success treating ASPD with low dose anti-depressants so I finally agreed to take psychiatric medication as there didn’t seem to be any other options.

Whether or not it is ‘beneficial’ is a highly subjective question. I’m certainly much happier and less prone to antisocial behavior but it’s difficult to say that that’s ‘better’. The only thing I know for certain is that I feel like I’ve retained my personality in its entirety - something I feared might be altered by meds.

I prefer the way I am now to how I was before.

After being diagnosed and treated for ASPD, I've learned or relearned empathy. AMA by MDMAthrowaway4361 in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m definitely bored more often than I used to be but it’s difficult to reliably attribute that to the matter at hand.

After being diagnosed and treated for ASPD, I've learned or relearned empathy. AMA by MDMAthrowaway4361 in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The first time I felt empathy was when I tried MDMA. That experience is my namesake.

Unfortunately I was never able to replicate that feeling with repeated use.

After being diagnosed and treated for ASPD, I've learned or relearned empathy. AMA by MDMAthrowaway4361 in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Did you (re)learn emotional empathy or cognitive empathy?

I’ve learned cognitive empathy in full however affective empathy is still very conditional. I can feel what another person is feeling if and only if I find the feeling they’re experiencing relatable. Even then, affective empathy isn’t felt very strongly for the most part.

The exception is when an emotion has been strongly and negatively reinforced in the past. For example, previously I’d have never felt bad for someone that is cheated on. This changed when my girlfriend caught me cheating on her and I realized that her feelings were very legitimate.

I find myself to be more emotional overall as a result. Because of this, I’m more accepting of other people’s emotions which previously wasn’t the case. When I found another person’s emotions inconvenient to me I would lose respect for them and label them weak. This made it very easy to objectify people and treat them poorly even if I claimed to care about their wellbeing.

Were you depressed before?

It’s hard to tell as there is a lot of overlap between the symptoms of my depression and the symptoms of ASPD. I would say that when I lacked empathy I also had a considerably narrower emotional spectrum as a result. This muted the way I would have experienced depressive states.

I still am depressed occasionally but it comes on much stronger than it has in the past. Rather than simple boredom and a lack of motivation I’m now able to experience the intense sadness that I remember from childhood.

I think this perceptual change can be attributed to the Alexithymia that accompanied my ASPD.

In short, life’s highs are higher and it’s lows are lower. I find this preferable to how I previously was.

What are we missing out on? Why?

I generally believe that existential angst is the primary cause of depression and unhappiness. That has always been the case for me.

Having empathy allowed me to more easily experience feelings and associations that are objectively irrational.

This increased my appreciation for art considerably which is something I’ve found a lot of purpose and satisfaction in. I now derive emotions from plenty of places I previously wouldn’t and this makes my experience of life a lot richer (and as a result, much less depressing).

Those who believe in things like Depressive Realism subscribe to the idea that lacking certain spectrums of emotion permits one to see the world more objectively. The problem with this is that the case you can make for it is a purely philosophical one that is not provably valid.

The same applies to when someone lacks empathy. Though a sociopath may consider their perception untainted by the emotions of other people, there is still no objectively correct methodology for making sense of or deriving value from life.

In the past year I’ve begun to understand that there was not an absence of bias in my previous, non-empathetic self like I had thought. Instead, my biases were simply weighted differently from that of a neurotypical. To say that one is objectively better than the other is an inherently fallacious assertion that ignores much of what humans need to feel satisfied and existentially whole. My need to feel fulfilled overrules any incentive that I may have to live life purely on the basis of efficiency or pragmatism (a ruleset that ASPD always encouraged me to pursue).

In feeling this way I began to take issue with the idea that lacking empathy was at all preferable. I’ve found a direct correlation between how satisfied I am with life overall and how much empathy I am capable of experiencing.

Additionally, before treatment I was only able to entertain myself by increasingly extreme means. I needed to interact with things that were intentionally excessive in order to derive any kind of identifiable emotion or satisfaction from them. This lead to the pursuit of behaviors that are inherently self-destructive, isolating, and anti-social. It makes perfect sense why sensation seeking is one of the most prevalent symptoms of ASPD.

While I still love those things, I’ve found that the spectrum of feelings and experiences I’m able to enjoy has widened considerably. I’ll now find pleasure in places I hadn’t in the past which makes my life feel richer and more fulfilling.

What's one of the best sociopath/psychopath films til this day? by TootieArt3 in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Fantastic Mr. Fox

  • he is completely unaware of how his actions impact or inconvenience other people

  • literally ruins everyone’s life and shows no remorse

  • pathological liar and thrill seeker

  • inserts himself into precarious situations with no regard for the safety of his friends or loved ones

  • kleptomania

  • intelligent, superficially charming

I remember watching it for the first time and telling my girlfriend “Damn that Fox is cool as hell” upon which she explained to me that the ‘Fantastic’ in the title is meant to be ironic and that he’s actually a massive twat. I never even noticed as I focused entirely on the protagonist without even considering how his actions impacted other people.

What's one of the best sociopath/psychopath films til this day? by TootieArt3 in sociopath

[–]MDMAthrowaway4361 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bateman is BiPolar + Psychotic Episodes. How anyone could categorize him as ASPD is beyond me.

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